Things I’ve learned applying for more than 200 jobs.

I’ve been unemployed for seven months. It has been seven months filled with the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

On one hand, I’m glad to be free of the prison-like confinement I felt being around my previous boss. I’m glad I’m not in an environment that celebrates toxic-masculinity and treats women as though the only thing they bring to the table is boobs.

On the other hand, I miss work. I miss financial independence. I miss the feeling that I felt when I was contributing to something, when I was making a difference to someone’s (not in my office) day.

I looked in my resume folder last night and I realized that it now has more than 200 files in it. 200 resumes. 200 times I was rejected. 200 times I was said no to. 200 times I tried and it didn’t work out.

I’ve been applying for employment throughout the past seven months. I’ve applied for career positions, for retail positions, for casual positions, for any position that I thought might allow me to start earning a pay cheque again. I’ve been hired and had my job offer rescinded after I signed contracts and employment paperwork, I’ve made it to the final round, I’ve been one of the last two candidates for them to choose from, I’ve had people ignore my resume, I’ve had scammers tell me that I need to pay $4,000 as a security deposit before I can work for them. I’ve been to good interviews and bad interviews, I’ve wasted my time trying to hunt people down and I’ve spent a lot of time on interviews and conversations that didn’t end up going anywhere.

I’ve been through it all and, through it all, these are the things that my unemployment has taught me.

Always, always, ALWAYS review your resume. The most embarrassing thing you can do for yourself is to send off a resume with the wrong company name on it, or with spelling mistakes. Whether you’ve sent off 3 or 4 resumes, or 200 resumes, ensure you’re reviewing and spell-checking every time you curate your resume.

Curate your resume. Every time. As annoying as it is, it will stand out a whole lot more if you’ve got it curated to the job your applying for. Everyone on earth can write standard skills for standard employment on a resume. If you want ‘this’ job, then curate your resume to showcase skills that would make you an asset for ‘this’ job.

Rejection is not about you. Think of it this way: most often, you’re competing against hundreds of candidates for a position. As one of hundreds of candidates, if your resume doesn’t even make it into the ‘read’ pile, that says nothing about you. Sometimes, they only read the resumes of those who are local. Sometimes, they only read the first 300 resumes they get instead of all 800. I know what you’re thinking… that’s silly. Why would they only read 300 of 800 resumes, they’re missing out on so many candidates. The newsflash here is… most companies don’t give a damn. They really don’t. I’ve seen this in action. Though they’d never say it publicly, the previous office I worked in would eliminate all resumes from the pile for, management positions, if the candidate had a female’s name on their resume. If they had a name that is more gender neutral (where it could be a guy or a girl), they’d go into the maybe pile. They’d only move to the gender neutral named candidates if they couldn’t find the person they want in the resumes that were clearly men. I guarantee you that my former office is not the only place on earth where things like this happen.

Don’t feel bad about lying to put yourself ahead. Companies don’t care about you. They don’t. If you need to state that you’re living in a place in order to get them to consider you as a ‘local candidate’, say that. If you need to have your best friend pretend that he/she worked with you at your last job in order to get a reference, do that. Companies are putting themselves first, so do the same thing for yourself.

DO NOT be afraid to correct a potential employer. I’ve been called the wrong names… multiple times, I’ve had companies read form the wrong person’s resume to ask me questions… in front of me. I’ve had companies imply things about me that weren’t true and I’ve had companies speculate things they have no business in asking. When you’re unemployed, it’s easy to sit and be quiet about these things because you worry that if you speak up they won’t like you and you’ll miss the opportunity. I’m telling you right now, honestly, it’s far more important for you to stick up for yourself then to fall quiet and be seen as a push-over. Do not let a company ask you when you plan on having children. Do not let a company call you the wrong name. Let them know who you are and that you’re strong enough to speak up for yourself.

If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. I had a company tell me that in order to work for them I needed to pay a $4,000 security deposit. I was told that it’s a ‘normal thing and that all employees have to do it’. There is no security deposit required to work. None at all. There are, however, a lot of people in this world ready and willing to scam the vulnerable. If you feel as though someone is scamming you, they probably are. Be mindful of what companies are saying and trust your gut.

You are strong, you will get through this. Deep in the throws of unemployment, it can often feel as though you’re never going to get a job. It’s easy to get ‘down in the dumps’. Though it seems as though it’s never going to end, it will. You’re talented, smart and a viable candidate for many a positions. Don’t let your current situation define your future. Don’t let your head win.

Use each devastating blow as fuel to the fire. Having my job offer rescinded just three days before I was supposed to have my first day of work… it broke my heart. It really did. I think it’s important to remember in times like these, though, that I still got the job. I still was their candidate selected. And I dodged a bullet now that I’m not working for them. Turn those negative thoughts into positives and use it as motivation for your future job applications, future interviews and future opportunities.

Seek help. Accept help. Use help. Wherever you find it, however it comes about in your life, help is a good thing. Whether it’s someone to vent your frustrations to, someone to read over your cover letter or someone give you money, no questions asked, so your bills get paid… use the help. Don’t be too proud. If you’re lucky enough to have people offer help when you need it, take advantage of it when you get it. There’ll be a time in the future when you can pay it forward.

Remember your worth. There are a lot of companies in 2019 who list egregious qualifications and education requirements for positions where they’re only opting to pay minimum wage, if that (a lot of companies are trying to turn these positions into internships). Don’t ever allow a company to make you feel as though you’re worth less than you are as a means to pigeon hole you into a run of the mill position in a sub-standard office. If you have a means of holding out for the right position, do that. And if you don’t have those means, take the position that pays minimum wage, but take it ‘for-now’ and don’t stop looking for your dream job. Because it’s out there and you deserve it.

Find and effective means for managing stress. Unemployment is stressful as heck. You need an outlet to help you get through. So find that outlet and make use of it. Whether it’s yoga, a good book, screamo music or whatever helps you destress, find it and use it.

If it doesn’t work out, it’s probably for the best.

Don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.

Unemployment isn’t easy. It’s one of the most difficult things that anyone can go through, quite honestly. I think the biggest thing you can remember through a trying time like this is to just keep going. Keep your support system close and make use them, every step of the way. Whether it’s for a cup of coffee, help with your resume creation or just And don’t ever stop. In the words of Ayn Rand, “the world you desire can be won. It exists.. it is real.. it is possible.. it’s yours.”

Sometimes I wonder

How I wound up in this family.

Yes, they’re my family. I accept them, I appreciate them and I love them.

But, damn… how did I wind up in this family? They’re nothing like me. I couldn’t be farther from the person they want me to be. I couldn’t be farther from someone who fits into this family. Our opinions, our views, or values, our… everything is so vastly different. How did this happen?

This is not a new feeling. It’s been going on my entire life. I think the feeling is just getting harder and harder to deal with.

We’ve been butting heads more and more in the recent weeks. It’s really difficult to wander around all day, every day just trying to keep my mouth shut as a means to prevent fights. I’m so tired of keeping my mouth shut. When someone is so clearly wrong and so blatantly out of line, it’s hard to not say anything.

I just feel as though I try so hard to be considerate towards them and that’s never returned. It’s never returned.

I’m just so tired. Everything seems harder to deal with when you’re just this tired of everyone.

Practicing mindfulness

I first came across the concept of mindfulness in Yoga. I took a 16 week beginners class to learn the basics of the art in an effort to relieve some stress and, hopefully, make myself a little more flexible. And I truly think it worked. I do remember leaving each of those yoga classes with an inherent sense of calm.

It’s been a while since I’ve been to yoga class. Not for any other reason than that life gets in the way sometimes. But, I’ve come across the practice of mindfulness, one of the key concepts of yoga, in another area of life. It’s true, ‘they’ swear by mindfulness in therapy.

One of the things I’ve been told in therapy is that I could benefit from being a lot more mindful. And honestly, that’s true. The more that I think about it though, the more that I think everyone can benefit from being more mindful.

At times it can come across as a tad hokey. It’s worth the effort, if you’re willing to put forth the time.

*Please keep in mind, I did not write the following. It was a hand-out written by my therapist. I was asked to put it on my wall to remind me to practice mindfulness as I go about each day.


What is mindfulness?

  • Mindfulness is experiencing the present moment in a non-judgmental way. It is paying attention with a welcoming and allowing attitude… noticing whatever we are experiencing in our thoughts, behaviour and feelings.
  • Making changes in our life begins with awareness. Awareness means paying attention to what we are doing, thinking and feeling. We then have the option to either accept things or change them.
  • Practicing mindfulness teaches us to relax and remain alert in the midst of the problems and joys of life. It encourages us to pause in the moment and respond to life with curiosity and a welcoming attitude.

How do you practice mindfulness?

  • The practice of mindfulness focuses on four areas: body, emotions, thoughts and inner self/soul.
  • Begin by becoming aware of your breath. Simply notice the sensations of the breath in the nose, throat, lungs or belly. Follow the breath just as it is. The goal is not to change it but to observe it and be mindful of each breath.
  • Once you’ve mastered your breath, mindfulness can extend to noticing: body sensations such as pain, pleasure, heat, cold, tension and relaxation, emotions such as fear, anger, sadness and happiness, thoughts that arise in the mind in the form of sentences, words, fragments and images and your connection with your inner-self and with the universe.
  • The purpose is to fully experience and be aware of whatever might arise within you… calm, security, panic, fear…
  • The practice of mindfulness, when you’ve worked at it enough, will continue you as you move through your day, becoming more and more aware of your reactions as you go about your daily activities. Are you breathing more heavily when you’re scared? Do you breathe more deeply when you’re calm? How do you react in situations? How can you use that knowledge to better deal with situations in future?

It is believed that by staying in the present, being aware of who we are, how we feel and how we react to our day as we go through it, we’ll be less likely to get caught up in worries about the future or regrets over the past.

Because nobody should be worried about the past, and the future should be something to look forward too, not worry about.


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When in doubt, rant it out.

I want to take a brief moment to point out the importance of ranting. See, most people in my day-to-day life tend to get annoyed when I rant. Actually, I think that’s probably true of almost everyone. People don’t like to listen to ranting. But I think it’s important that everyone take the opportunity to rant.

If something is bothering you. If something’s unfair. If something’s ridiculous, you should be able to say it. Setting aside the catharsis that comes from ranting, it’s important to note the unfairness and injustices in this world. Ranting ensures that we aren’t allowed to hide from the unfairness or injustice. When these subjects are brought to the forefront no matter how big or small, it ensures that we can’t hide from them, that we face these feelings head on.

I think that’s why I like wordpress so much. It’s provided me a place to rant where people accept and appreciate what I have to say.

I believe in ranting and I appreciate others when they’re able to share their true thoughts and their truth with me. It should also be noted that you can rant without being mean. As long as they’re constructive about it, I love listening to people rant. I think ranting is extremely helpful for one’s mental health.

Rant away, I say.


PS. I went to the doctor this afternoon and he told me I’m suffering from a migraine. Thanks to everyone for your kind comments last night that included suggestions about things to do to deal with pain. Presently trying to lay low. Hoping to be back to my normal self soon.


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I’m okay.

I am okay.

I say this a lot, I know that. I say this because I mean it. Because no other description could accurately depict how I’m feeling. I’m okay. Just okay. I’m not great. I’m not awful either. I’m chugging along in this thing called life.

I think too many people carry ‘I’m okay’ with a negative connotation. They treat it as avoidance. And really, that’s not the case.. Sometimes people say ‘I’m okay’ because that’s the best way of describing how they’re feeling or where they’re at with life.

I’m okay with how things are. I’m not happy about things, but I don’t hate it either. I count my blessings, appreciate my loved ones and am hopeful for the future. Still, though, I’m okay with the way the world turns. When you ask me how I’m doing, I genuinely mean it when I say I’m okay. I’m just… okay.

Today, I’m okay. Tomorrow might be better. Or, it might not. But I’m learning the importance in taking it one day at a time, and the importance of just being okay with where you’re at in life. You don’t have to lie. You don’t have to pretend you’re in a good place and you don’t have to hide if you’re in a bad place.

It’s okay to just be okay.

I’m trying.

Today, I’m trying to be positive. I’m trying to see the good things in my life. I’m trying to appreciate what is for what it is and to accept what isn’t for what it isn’t.

Today, I’m trying to smile… not because I have to, but because I’m appreciative. I’m trying to be appreciative. I’m trying to believe that something better is coming, that one day I’ll look back on this time and thank god that I didn’t give up. I’m trying to believe there’s more out there for me. I’m trying to believe that one day, hopefully soon, someone will see me for who I really am and believe that I an make their world, their life, their office, their inner-circle better.

I’m trying to be thankful – both for what I have and for what I’ve left behind. I’m trying to tell myself the bridges I burnt were done so that I don’t ever try to go back, because I’m trying to remind myself that there’s no point in reliving the past. The past is the past for a reason… it needs to stay there.

Today I’m trying to be hopeful. Hopeful for health, for happiness and for the ability to lead a life that leaves me fulfilled and content. Today, I’m also trying to be grateful for what I have, recognizing the positives and also, recognizing that I am who I am for a reason.

Don’t ever change yourself for someone else, that’s what they say. I’m not sure who ‘they’ are, but I understand they’re very wise. So, it is because of them that I’m trying to be proud of who I am. I’m trying to believe in myself and diminish the voice of my insecurities.

Each day brings a new opportunity to make it better than the last, to be better, act smarter and to try. And today, I’m trying.

Oh boy, I am trying.

I’m tired.

I’m so tired. I’m tired of painting a smile on my face. I’m tired of rejection. I’m tired of trying to explain who I am to people I’ve known my whole life. I’m tired of trying to be a neutral party when one side is so clearly out of line.

I’m tired of everything that I say being wrong. I’m tired of everything that I do not being enough. I’m tired of ending up on the losing end of every discussion. I’m just tired of talking. I’m tired of consistently falling short of everyone’s expectations. If they don’t know me, why do they get to have expectations of me?

I’m tired of considering their feelings when they never consider mine. I’m tired of being told there’s nothing wrong with me, that I’m just making it up. I’m tired of hearing ‘you’re not anxious, you’re just overdramatic’. I’m tired of being told ‘just cheer up’.

I’m so tired of being constantly watched. I don’t need to be inspected and I definitely don’t want my every move, my every action judged. I would love it if people could just let me be… leave me alone…

I’m tired of people taking advantage of me. I’m tired of everyone always wanting help from me but never wanting to help me.

I’m just tired.