Least popular posts of 2019

I’m not going to lie, these were hard for me to go through because a lot of them come from the beginning of this year, when I first started this blog and was in a horrible place mentally and emotionally.

Thinking back to where I was at the beginning of this year, thinking how sad I was, how ready to give up I was, how I thought the world had crumbled around me… I really don’t think I smiled the first two months of this year at all.

I’m still not in the best place in life, but I at least can see these and see how far I’ve come in the past year.

FEBRUARY AIR.
A moment in February when I was feeling hopeful about what was ahead.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The importance of being selective with the people you let into your life.

DAY 28: THAT INEXPLICABLE LUMP IN YOUR THROAT RIGHT BEFORE YOU’RE ABOUT TO CRY
I was sad, lost and talking about why I was sad and lost. (Ironically, 11 months later and I still, to an extent, feel the same)

HONESTLY, REMEMBER
A reminder that we are all simply human and we all have our struggles.

TIPS & TRICKS FOR SMOOTH TRANSITIONS THROUGH THE AIRPORT
Much like the title says, this post is tips and tricks to make the airport as painless as possible.

DAY 29: A RANT
Ranting about some serious topics.

Most popular posts of 2019

It’s crazy to me to go through analytic and see what became the most popular of my posts made this year. Some hurt, some heartbreak, some happiness, some thoughtfulness. The biggest thing I’m taking from this year is growth. I may not be where I want to be yet, but damn, I’ve come a long way. I’m choosing to believe the progress is for something.

MILLENNIAL MENTAL HEALTH
I think this turned into a bit of a reminder that we’re all going through something and that we shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, but rather, seek to understand. Mental health is hard to talk about, but that doesn’t mean we should void it.

“THERE’S NO MONEY IN WRITING”
This was more of a collaborative discussion than a post of mine. I just wanted to hear from other writers what they thought of the writing process and what it brings to their lives.

LIFE WITH SOCIAL ANXIETY
What it’s like to live with self consciousness on steroids. What it’s like to overthink, the worry and to not be able to turn it off.

SO… THIS SUCKS.
This was my response to learning that people were ripping off my posts to post on their own blog.

TIPS FOR COPING WITH ANXIETY FROM A PSYCHIATRIST
I went to therapy in 2019, which was exceptionally helpful to me in some very dark times. From time to time, I shared some tips my therapist shared with me.

ON MAKING YOUR BLOG STAND OUT
Much like the title suggests, this was just a few mentions of how to make your blog stand out from the crowd, how to grab attention, how to make your layout, content and photos all align…

LETTERS TO ANYONE
Things I write, things I think, things I worry about late at night/early in the morning that I have a hard time putting into words.

BLOGGING 103: BLOG MONETIZATION
A warning, from a personal perspective about thinking before you jump into buying the WordPress account that allows you to put ads you on your blog. Ad revenue, without a steady stream of traffic, might not be all you think it is.

Oh mother

Today my mother told me that I’m way too focused on being sad all the time and if I put half as much effort into being happy, I would just be happy.

‘How do I do that?’ I asked her.

‘I don’t know. You just be happy. It’s easy.’ She said.

I try not to fault her too much because she really doesn’t understand mental health issues whatsoever. She’s never dealt with them so she doesn’t know that they’re very real and very difficult to overcome. And, if you’ve never dealt with them before, I can understand why it would be hard to grasp the complexities of it.

The thing is, though, it’s not as simple as she makes it out to be.

I can’t just think happy thoughts and become happy.

I can’t just be happy.

I’m not trying to be miserable. I’m not trying to be sad. I’m not trying to feel anxious. I’m not going out of my way to make any of this my reality. And I think when people stereotype it as a choice, that’s what makes it harder for people to talk about their mental health.

I want to laugh because something’s funny, not because I feel a social obligation too based on the people that I am around. I want to smile without having to think about it, without having to force it, because of the people that I am around. I want to just ‘be happy’ as she says.

But, if I don’t face these issues that I have, these internal struggles that plague my mind, I fear that they’ll plague me for the rest of my life. If I just grin and pretend they’re not there, they’re never going to go away. They’ll be there… probably forever.

Mental illness is a difficult subject for people to talk about. If someone breaks their leg, people can see it. They can see the physical injury and understand that person must be in pain because of said injury and they provide well wishes, support and hope to said person with broken leg that will invariably help them with their recovery. But, you can’t see an anxious mind. You can’t see a depressed soul. You can’t see a distraught heart. And if you’ve never felt something that you can’t see, this is, I think, where people struggle with helping those who suffer from mental illness.

You’d never tell someone to ‘just walk it off’ if they had a broken leg. So why are so many people so quick to say ‘Just be happy’ to someone who struggles with anxiety, or depression or bi-polar, or any of the other mental illnesses. Because they can’t see it, so they don’t understand it.

Talking helps. Sometimes it really can. If you feel safe and are able to open up to someone, sometimes talking can really benefit your situation. There are people who, though they’ve never been through it, do all that they can to try to understand.

But then there are people who won’t ever understand. Because this is the kind of thing that, unless you go through it yourself, is difficult to grasp.

To everyone in this world suffering in silence, I’m with you. I understand. To everyone being told to ‘just walk it off’ or ‘just be happy’, I know that life doesn’t work that way. Please, take the proper time and resources that you need to find yourself healing. Because, just like a broken leg, you need time to cope and to heal.

I’m wishing you peace, and for family/friends that understand. But, even if they don’t, I’m wishing you time to cope, to deal and to heal. Because everyone needs that – whether your hurt is physical (and visible) or not.

Feeling… down.

Some days I’m able to cope with my anxiety and some days it’s as though my internal organs are on steroids and I can’t shake the feeling of fear inside of me no matter what I do.

Today is one of those days in which I can’t fight the fear. I can’t minimize that sinking feeling inside of me that something is wrong, that something is out of my control and that something in this world is either already awry, or going awry any moment here. Basically I’m waiting for the proverbial shit to hit the proverbial fan.

I haven’t left my room much at all. I took my mom to the doctor. Other than that, I’ve been… hiding, almost, I guess you could say. This isn’t quite the fortress of solitude, but on days like today when I’m feeling this anxious, it seems to be the closest thing I can get.

I’m worried about… everyone, whilst simultaneously worrying about none of them because I know they’re fine. I know that it’s my mind playing tricks on me. I know that nothing is wrong, that everyone’s happy, or at the very least, comfortably neutral.

I’m not sure how to shake this. I’d give anything to feel calm. To feel like there’s a plan. To feel like things are falling into place.

Or at the very least, can the shit hit the fan already? At least if I know what’s going wrong I can face that head on…

How to survive the holidays with anxiety.

The holidays are coming, and if you’re anything like me that means there is a lot of stress headed your direction. While holidays are touted as ‘splendid times’ for love and family and genuine feel good moments we’ll always remember, they can often come with a great deal of anxiety, judgment and arguments.

I’ve been worried about this. Mainly because I don’t want to come across as negative. But the truth is, for a lot of us, holidays aren’t a positive time. And I think that’s okay. You know, I’m not going to hide from that fact. I want to be open about it because I feel as though, when we try to hide those feelings, that’s when the holidays get harder.

I’ve teamed up with Stacy from Quirky, Confused and Curvy and we’re both sharing our top tips for making it through the holiday’s when you’re struggling with mental illness. For reference, I suffer from debilitating anxiety, so these tips come to you from the perspective of a very anxious soul. Without further ado, here goes:

  1. Holiday’s aren’t about you, they’re about your family. It might sound shitty, but it’s true. Don’t worry about your own happiness, make sure that your mom is happy, make sure that your siblings are happy, and make sure that grandma and grandpa and the neighbours and your friends are all happy. Whomever is coming over, show off your biggest smile and your heartiest laugh. If someone says something mean, change the subject. If someone says something racist, change the subject. You can call them out another day. Kill them with your kindness on this holiday and let them remember the good moments. Because, at the end of the day, as a human race we’re very quick to forget the bad and remember the good. If you focus on ensuring that your family has good memories of the holiday, if your family and friends have the good moments to look back on, then it was a successful holiday. And if you’re lucky, you can go back to your peace and quiet, free from the judgments the very next day.
  2. Remember that these days are only a handful of days per year. Something that I often struggle with is feeling like the holidays are never going to end. Truth be told, in the grand scheme of things, the holidays are just a few short days out of the entire year. The dinners, the mingling, the ugly sweaters, you can make it through, and you will. Though the odds may be forever in your family’s favour, you can and will get through this. Think of the upcoming holiday season like the big meals you’re about to eat. You get through them slowly, little by little, bite by bite. Make each Christmas party, gift exchange, festive activity a small bite for you to take out of the holiday season. Looking at these things through the view of a small, completely conquerable event, will make it easier for you to do. And if it’s something that’s hard for you to do – if you suffer from social anxiety like I do – or if you just struggle being around certain family members, taking the holidays in small bites will help your well-being vastly.

One extra piece of advice that I have is to control what you can, accept what you can’t and stop freaking out about your life. The calmer you can keep yourself, the better your holiday season will be. So remember your peaceful thoughts, your calming gestures and to note bite at an argument, no matter how enticing it might be.

Holidays aren’t always perfect. But I’ve learned that if you focus more on others than you do on yourself, it very much helps you get through without the debilitating anxiety that so frequently comes with.

P.S. I’m Canadian, and Thanksgiving has already passed here. I can attest that if you’re an anxious soul, sticking to these tips will help A LOT. Also, as a Canadian the extra ‘u’ in a few words are, in fact, meant to be there. 


This post was done in collaboration with Stacy Alderman from the blog Quirky, Confused and Curvy. Stacy is one of the first friends that I made on WordPress and she’s been with me since the beginning of my blogging journey. She’s brilliant, she’s authentic and she has a lot to give this world.

To view her tips, please click here >

Consider subscribing to her blog while you’re there!

Letter to a lost soul.

Dear Self,

Hold on. I promise you that it won’t be this way forever. So please, I beg of you, hold on.

You might not know where this next year is going to take you and the sheer prospect of it might frighten you to your core, but I promise you that you can handle it. Good, bad, happy, sad, no matter what comes your way, you can handle it.

There’s a lot of unknowns right now. Even more than those unknowns, there’s a fucking lot going on that you cannot control. Please don’t let that weigh on your heart.

I know that you can get overwhelmed at times, feeling like there’s really nothing in this world you can do to make things better. It’s times like these that I encourage you to remember that it is not always you responsibility to carry the weight of the world. As much as I know you’re not a religious person, try to remember the sentiment to the statement ‘let go and let god’. Because putting everyone’s burdens on yourself is a really hard way to live.

Please don’t be afraid of the future. Don’t be afraid for opportunities, or lack thereof. Like the lyrics say ‘what is meant to be will be’, and if it never comes to fruition then it wasn’t meant to happen.

Stop worrying about money. You’ll always find a way to get the money – whether it takes a week, a month, a year or ten years.

Stop worrying about time. There is no rule that says you need to have an established life by a certain time. This is your life and you determine the time frame of which things happen, no one else.

Stop worrying about not being good enough. Worry about leaving a lasting impression on the world, especially your friends and your family. Worry about improving yourself daily and about making people’s lives better.

Hold on, self.

Hold on for dear life.

Work had, self.

Even with all the bad there is in this world, you can be good. You can lead by example and you can make change.

Be kind, self.

You never know what sort of challenges someone is facing or how hard of a time they might be having. Perhaps all they need is someone to show them genuine kindness.

Love yourself, self.

Regardless of the insecurities you might see when you look in the mirror, you’re a pretty fucking amazing person. And while you may see those insecurities so clearly, I promise you that the people who really matter to you, they don’t. And even if they could, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t care. It’s a nice feeling being loved and appreciated for exactly who you are, so stop letting those insecurities dictate your happiness. Let people love you for exactly who you are.

Regardless of what happens, you can and will get through this. It may seem like insurmountable demons right now, but I promise you that one day you’re going to look back on these times and be proud.

Hold on, self. I promise you that it won’t be this way forever. So please, I beg of you, hold on.

Sincerely, Me

Don’t wait for the new year for resolutions. Things for you to quit TODAY

  1. Trying to please everyone.
  2. Fearing change.
  3. Living in the past.
  4. Overthinking.
  5. Being afraid to be different from everyone else.
  6. Sacrificing your happiness for others.
  7. Thinking you’re not good enough.
  8. Thinking you have no purpose.

People always wait for New Year’s Day to make resolutions and honestly, why? Make these resolutions today. Make change today. Better yourself today. You deserve it. You’re worth it. Don’t wait for some arbitrary day to try and change you thinking – start to try and change the way you think today.

It’s not going to be easy. And it’s not going to happen at the snap of your fingers. But if you make the effort to enrich your life with serious changes that will ultimately benefit you long-term, the change will be worth it.

Do it. Do it today.