Fun things to do during a Polar Vortex

The polar vortex is a large area of low pressure and cold air surrounding both of the Earth’s poles. It ALWAYS exists near the poles, but weakens in summer and strengthens in winter. The term “vortex” refers to the counter-clockwise flow of air that helps keep the colder air near the Poles.

Translation: Canada is very, very cold. Very cold. Cold. Cold. Cold. I cannot type cold enough to explain how cold it’s been lately.

As a Canadian, cold weather isn’t something that shocks me. We’re basically groomed to grow up tolerating cold when we live in this country. It comes with the territory… literally. The polar vortex, though… it’s a different kind of cold. This special weather occasion only happens every few years and my, my, my is it ever cold.

Presently, at my house, it’s -39 degrees Celsius(translates to -38 degrees Fahrenheit). Overnight we’re supposed to drop down to -49 degrees Celsius (translates to -56 degrees Fahrenheit). In case I haven’t said it enough yet, it’s really fucking cold right now.

We’ve been dealing with this weather about a week now. Temperatures aren’t supposed to warm until Sunday/Monday of next week, so we have at least four more days until we get tolerable cold (-15 degrees Celsius/5 degrees Fahrenheit). Being well used to this weather at this point, I’ve compiled a list of fun things to do during a polar vortex…

  1. Play a rousing game of ‘will my car start today?’
  2. Play a rousing game of ‘why is my garage door frozen shut?’
  3. Play a rousing game of ‘why is my front door frozen shut?’
  4. Stay inside.
  5. Seriously, going outside is painful. The air… it hurts your face. You get this overwhelming urge to keep your eyes closed because it’s so damn cold, it hurts your eyes.
  6. If you do go outside, watch your eyelashes freeze together and become icicles. Pretend you’re a Yeti and start grunting a lot. Partially out of grumpiness for the cold, partially because it’s hard to do anything but grunt when you’re so cold and struggling to breathe.
  7. Put on your best parka, go outside and flash your hands towards frozen objects whilst singing ‘Let it Go’ at the top of your lungs. If anyone bothers you, tell them you’re practicing for your future as Queen Elsa.
  8. Move to Bermuda.
  9. If moving to Bermuda isn’t an option for you, going for a ride on a polar bear is always fun. Though you’ll have to ensure it’s quick ride as if you’re outside for more than five minutes in this weather, you could very well wind up with frost bite
  10. Drive to Starbucks and get a Frappucino (provided the answer to #1 was yes) because what sounds better than a frozen drink when it’s -39 outside?

If all else fails, complain to the internet about the cold. Because they’ll feel for you.

In the words of the Mighty, Might Covers… “I said BRRRRRR, it’s cold in here”.

There will always be bad people in this world.

The fact of the matter is, no amount of effort put forth will eliminate the evil in this world. All that we can and should do is try to lead by example.

There will always be bullies, there will always be keyboard warriors and there will always be those who thinks that their wealth or privilege allows them a right to treat others poorly. There will always be crime and people will always be innocent victims because of that.

We need not be evil though.

When you’re trying to justify horrible behaviour, don’t. You’re better than that. When you’re thinking that revenge is the right answer, it’s not. You’re smarter than that. If someone tells you that vengeance is the answer, tell them they’re wrong. A temporary solution to a permanent problem is going to give you nothing more than an empty feeling in your heart.

Be good. Do good. Lead by example.

‘Be the change you want to see in the world.’ I hear this quote recited a lot, but I think people often forget about the message it conveys when they get angry. When in reality, it should remain applicable regardless of what happens.

Be the change. Don’t tell me that because bad people will always exist that you don’t need to be good. That your goodness couldn’t possibly matter. That shows weakness and lack of character. Are you either of those things? I don’t think so.

Goodness matters, every day. Kindness matters, every day. Be the change. Lead by example and let the bad people, the bullies and the idiots self-destruct with their own… because you know they will.

On body positivity.

I want to talk about a sticky subject for a moment, so I’ll try to keep it brief.

Body positivity is about respect. It’s not about what you believe is attractive or what you view as healthy. Body positivity is about respecting that beneath that outer layer we all show to the world, we’re all human. There are no exceptions.

Body positivity is about the belief that all bodies are a work of art. Why? Because our bodies protect us, help us and are the reason we’re all able to get around and do ANYTHING at all. Whether you’re skinny or not, tall or short, have knobby knees or dangly arms (or no arms), scars are scrapes, or any of the mecca of things that pepole can be/are insecure about, body positivity is a respect for yourself and for all humans.

It has NOTHING to do with what you view as attractive.

Body positivity is integral to happiness, both your own and others. Respecting yourself for you who are will help you to love yourself for exactly who you are. And let me tell you, you are fucking amazing. See it, believe it and know it. And pass that respect on to other’s as well. Because as much as we like to tell ourselves the opinions of other’s don’t matter, they do. So let them know they’re fucking amazing. Because body positivity can make a world of difference to one’s self-esteem.

Pet Peeve: “Don’t be such a girl” and so on and so forth.

It makes me angry when I hear people say things like “don’t be such a girl” or “you fight like a girl” or “you throw like a girl”. As a female it gets thrown your direction so dang much that eventually you just start to believe that being female is a bad thing. You just accept it. You know what it means and you don’t argue with it because arguing would take far too much time and effort on someone who doesn’t want to understand.

I am a girl. I have a short stature, and long hair, curvy hips and small hands. I’m proud to be a girl. I do fight like a girl – because I am a girl. Fighting like a girl doesn’t mean that I’m a bad fighter, or that I’m weak, or that I’m incompetent. I’m extremely competent and if it came down to a physical fight I could hold my own with many men. 

I do throw like a girl. It might not be as far as my male counterparts, but that doesn’t stop me from sinking baskets, or clinching that out at home plate. It doesn’t stop me from hitting the waste basket EVERY…SINGLE…TIME.

Being a girl is not a bad thing. It pisses me off when people throw it around as though it’s an insult. Just because I was born female does not mean that I am slower, dumber, weaker and not as good as a man. I make my own money, I pay my own bills, I work, I work out, I fix broken pipes, change flat tires, lift heavy boxes, and can turn around and put on a dress and heels after it’s all done.

I am not weak. And being who I am is not less than anyone else in this world. 

Being female is not a bad thing. It’s not a weak thing. It’s not something that we should be ashamed of, sad about, or made to feel as though we’re not good enough when a man wants to put down another man. And women do it to, don’t get me wrong. I would say that infuriates me even more – when women say it to one another. I just want to hold a playback button to their ears and ask ‘do you her yourself right now?’

As a gender, we should not be treated as though we’re lesser than because we don’t grow up to play in the NBA. ‘You throw like a girl’ is not an insult and should not be used as such. ‘Don’t be such a pussy’ should never be used as a means to make someone look weak.

Firstly, do you really need to insult this person? Could your efforts be put forth to something more positive? Secondly, if your insulting someone is coming at the cost of degrading or demeaning an entire gender then you need to work on your insults. Tearing other people down is not a way to get your point across.

You know what, save the insults all together. When your girlfriend beats you in an arm wrestle, I hope you’re proud of her. When you’re daughter hits a home-run at bat, I hope you’re extremely proud of her. If you really, genuinely, must make reference to someone you know as being weak, just use the term weak. That’s it. Nothing more. Leave women and girls out of it.

Let us throw how we want to throw and live how we want to live. The world is a much nicer place when we’re not verbally or physically beating up on one another for the gender which we’re born into.