One last post of gratitude for today.

I would say the best moment from today was, one of the people who purchased a ‘Millennial Life Crisis’ shirt, took a picture of themself wearing the shirt and sent it to my Instagram DMs. (I’m horrible for checking my instagram DMs… sorrrrrrrrry)

It was a pretty cool thing to see. I don’t want to post their name/photo just in case they really don’t want it out there on blast to almost 5,000 people (I know I wouldn’t want mine), but if they see this, thank you. Thank you for sharing it with me. It was definitely the highlight of my day.

To those of you who bought shirts, thank you. I hope you love the shirt as much as I do.

Seeing that photo kind of reminded me that it’s not my #MillennialLifeCrisis, it’s much bigger than that. I can get so wrapped up in myself and my angst that I forget about the world out there.

To everyone who reads this blog, I’m infinitely grateful to each and every one of you for sharing your lives with me. I don’t think I could ever express how much.

Simple things I am grateful for today.

“Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and to give thanks continuously. And because all things have contributed to your advancement, you should include all things in your gratitude.”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Some days are great and some days can feel as though everything in the world is falling into place. Then there are days, oh there are days, where I struggle to stay afloat. These are the days that I try to think of the things I am, and should be, thankful for. Some days it boosts my mood, other days it doesn’t. But every day it reminds me that I still have good things in my life, even when every fiber of my being is trying to tell me otherwise.

  1. I’m alive. It’s hard to be thankful for this when you’re in such a negative headspace all of the time, but truth be told, it’s a real blessing. I’m here, I’m breathing and I’m lucky for that.
  2. I have access to the internet. I use the internet for a lot. Looking for jobs. Pouring my heart out to this blog. Running social media accounts for Knight. Doing some consulting work. Watching copious amounts of Youtube videos and falling down various subject matter rabbit holes (the most recent of which being Mr. Atheist)
  3. The small pleasures in life. The sun, even if it is only up for a few hours each day. The smell of fresh brewed coffee. Hearing my niece and nephew laugh.
  4. The Tesla #CyberTruck is so badass. I want one. I want one sooooo bad. I’m going to get it one day. It will be mine. You just wait and see.
  5. The Cure – Pictures of You. This has been a favourite of mine for years and it’s a song that I go back to whether my mood good or bad. In my opinion, The Cure is music that will transcend generations and could quite possibly still be relevant 100 years from now.
  6. My foam roller. This rickety old body needs all the help it can get. And honestly, owning a foam roller is LIFE CHANGING for your muscles and joints.
  7. That I have a somewhat not-stupid head on my shoulders that keeps me on track. Staying the path of determination and stubbornness isn’t always a lucrative adventure monetarily, but I will get there. Rest assured, I will get there eventually.
  8. For these few minutes of peace I am getting tonight. Everyone’s gone out. I’m not sure if it’ll be 10 minutes, a half hour, an hour or even two. But I’m going to take advantage of this quiet while I’ve got it.
  9. Something Knight said to me on the phone two nights ago. I didn’t really say anything about it when he said it. And I haven’t mentioned it since. But I’ll probably remember it forever.

Sometimes, reminding yourself to be grateful is one of the most positive, and hardest steps you can take to make sure you get on with your day.

What are you grateful for today?

Happy Thanksgiving (Canada)

I’m thankful for the health of all my friends and family members,

I’m thankful the fire still burns inside of me, even if it only embers.

I’m thankful for my blessings, my good fortunes and my truths,

I’m thankful for being 30 and still having so much youth.

I’m thankful for my Sunday’s, for strangers and for friends,

I’m thankful for how he makes me feel and hoping this distance does soon end.

I’m thankful for the good music, the movies and tv,

I’m thankful for the people who can always see me for me.

I’m thankful for an opportunity to give and to change some minds,

I’m thankful that we’re all different, even if we’re the same kind.

I’m thankful for another holiday and a reminder of my privilege,

I’m thankful for for the welcome mat and that there’s always food in the fridge.

Thank you for this community and for all you’ve shared with me,

I’m grateful for the opportunity, and dreaming of all this place can be.

Happy Thanksgiving ❤

If you’re grateful for this life, you’re grateful for everything in this life… even the hardships.

This is something that I’ve been thinking about a lot as of late. People are so quick to state that it’s the wrong time, that they’re not ready, you’re not ready or I’m not ready. Everyone’s got an opinion about the wrong time. Something that people never seem to want to share though is, when is the right time?

With all the things I’ve been through this year, with all the things that everything has been through this year, why are we questioning the wrong timing rather than living in the now?

A friend of mine was recently diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Now, understandably so, all they can think/talk about is all of the mountains they never climbed, all of the marathons they never ran and all of the times they put these things off for work, or for ‘life’ not really thinking one day they wouldn’t be able anymore.

Point of this story? The right time is right now. Stop telling yourself that it’s the wrong time. Stop telling yourself that you’ll do it later. If it’s something that you want, do it. Do it now. If something is happening, whether it’s in your control or not, this is what is supposed to be happening. This is something that I’ve had to learn the hard way… because it’s been a crappy year. Even just typing that, I feel like a broken record as I know it’s something I’ve said all too many times before.

When you’re going through a hard time it can feel like everyone and everything is against you. And honestly, on my bad days, that’s what I’ve spent a lot of time this year believing. However, I watched an interview between Stephen Colbert and Anderson Cooper last night to which Stephen Colbert said something that really struck me.

I’m paraphrasing here:

“I’ve learned to the love the thing that I wish most had not happened. What punishments of god are not gifts?”

It’s a gift to exist. It’s a gift to exist. And with existence, comes suffering. There’s no escaping that.

If you’re grateful for your life, you have to be grateful for all of it.

Stephen Colbert

I’m not a religious person, but I do absolutely believe in what Colbert has said. If you’re interested in seeing the interview, you can watch it here: The Stephen Colbert Interview from Anderson Cooper 360 (I highly recommend watching it from start to finish)

If you’re grateful for your life, you have to be grateful for all of it. The good, the bad, the happy, the sad. And with that understanding comes the realization that the right time is right now. Whether it’s good or bad, happy or sad, right now is the right time for what is happening to you, for what you want and desire most, for what you think you cannot handle but absolutely can.

If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to have the weight lifted off your shoulders, I think this is what has done it for me. Honestly, these shitty times are setting me up for something. They have to be. And that’s why I’m choosing to believe that what’s happening right now is supposed to be happening right now.

Stop putting something off because it’s not the right time. Don’t tell yourself you can’t have a baby or buy a house or go on a trip or pierce your nose or change your career path. Do it.

*This definitely sounded a lot more coherent in my head. Ah well, I’m leaving it now.

I want you to know

You change things. You make things better… you make me better. The way that you see the world is admirable and I’m drawn to it in the way the tide is drawn to the gravitational pull of the moon. Bright, reliable and relentless.

I love who you are. I love what you stand for. I love you. I love everything about you and, though I know change is inevitable in life, I hope your change comes through growth. I hope that, much like a fine wine, the very basic core of who you are and what you stand for only gets better with time.

Thank you for your kindness, for your sincerity, for your generosity in a world where it seems to be dwindling at increasing rates with each day that passes. Thank you for making me believe more and believe better of myself and better of everyone. Thank you for always seeing the bright side, even on a dull day. Thank you for existing. I know you probably don’t feel like it makes a difference, but your existence in this world does. You are the change that I want to be and the change that I wish to see.

Thank you for always trying, even when I tell you not to. And thank you for never turning away when I tell you to leave, because you know that it’s the moments when people push others away that they need someone the most. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for never questioning and thank you for always supporting, even when I don’t deserve it.

Thank you for being you. For being strong, independent, intelligent and brave. Thank you for being thoughtful, grateful, insightful and humble.

I want you to know you change things. Because you do.

Life after cancer.

Tonight, I am once again reminded why my mother has the biggest heart of anyone that I know.

Tomorrow is her (fingers crossed) last chemotherapy treatment. She’s been talking about it for weeks. And, though it’s been a pretty freaking miserable process for her the past few months, we were very lucky that her cancer was caught early, and that (fingers crossed) she’ll go into complete remission and we’ll never have to deal with cancer again.

Anyways, I digress.

After spending a few hours at Starbucks tonight, with a friend of mine, I returned home to find that my mother had gone to bed even earlier than usual. An hour earlier than normal. When I asked my dad if she was alright (being worried that she’d gone to bed so early) he said that she was tired from all of the baking she’d done.

What?

Oh yeah. My mom, with the help of my dad, baked lemon pie tarts for the staff of the cancer clinic. She plans to give them to all of the staff tomorrow when she goes in for her last treatment.

Atop the container filled with lemon tarts, she’d taped a note. The envelope says ‘Thank You’. Me, being the nosey daughter that I am, had to open it to read the note.

Here’s how it reads.

Thank You.

Thank you to each and every one of you [she names the staff members, doctors and nurses who’ve helped her the past few months] for helping me, for taking me on my worst day, at my lowest moment and making me feel better. Thank you for wiping away my tears, talking away my fears and for treating me as good, if not better, then you would treat your own family members.

It’s because of the incredible kindness of each of you hat I am here, that I have the opportunity for full recovery, that I get to be one of the lucky ones.

Thank you. It’s because of you that I’ve got a second chance. You’ve given me my life back, and I can’t stop thinking about all of the Christmas and Birthday celebrations that I’ll get to be a part of with my children and grandchildren now, thanks to you. Every moment, every celebration, it will matter that much more than it ever did before.

I am eternally grateful for all that you’ve done for me. And, I really hope that you take this a good way when I say that I hope I never have to visit here ever again.

Sincerely,

[Mom’s name]

I most definitely had an ‘I’m not crying, you’re crying’ moment when I read it. I resealed the envelope and taped it back to the container as to not let her know that anyone touched it.

Tomorrow is her final chemotherapy treatment (if all goes according to plan). I’m feeling grateful, and thankful that she now gets to start thinking about life after cancer. I know not everyone gets that lucky. And, from the note I read, it sounds like she’s already begun planning her life after cancer… which in itself makes me extremely happy.