#HorribleBosses

There’s a gentleman that I follow on twitter that I knew from my previous life, prior to 2019. This gentleman is extremely intelligent and an entrepreneur. He claims to be self-made, though I don’t believe that to be true. In my own opinion, you cannot be self-made if your parents hand you over the business. I’m making it a point to share this fact because I believe that everyone starts from somewhere. Some have more advantages than others starting out (and I see nothing wrong with taking advantage of that) but everyone starts from somewhere.

So this particular gentleman, he started out by having his business handed to him. He didn’t buy it. It was given to him. And he’s taken it and turned it into an even more successful business. One that has a large social media presence and that garners a lot of referrals for employees through his social media platforms.

Personally, he has several thousand followers on his own accounts and his own accounts are heavily intertwined to his business accounts.

This gentleman, when he receives emails from job hunters that have spelling or grammar mistakes in them, he likes to blur out the email address of who it’s from and post screenshots of the email to his twitter account to make fun of the person without naming them.

The thing is, because he has several thousand followers on his personal account, and his personal twitter is heavily intertwined to his business twitter, and his business twitter brings in a great deal of attention to his business, there’s every chance that prospective candidates who have been emailing him are seeing him making fun of them and their application on twitter.

We all have to start somewhere. I mentioned that in the first paragraph for a reason. He may have started farther ahead than others so he doesn’t understand these honest, naive mistakes from youngins just starting out.

I’ve personally never applied for a job with this company, only because it’s completely in an unrelated industry to any skill that I bring to the table so it’s not worth trying. That being said, I’m not really sure how I’d feel if I logged into twitter and saw the head of a company posting an email from me to twitter, making fun of my application. Likely, I’d be very upset and disheartened. The names might not be there, but I’d still know he was making fun of me, specifically.

So think how these potential candidates must feel.

I feel like, as a boss, your role should be a leader. Your role should be to empower people. And these people may not be your employee now, but they can certainly be empowered by the choices you make and the way you go about responding to them with constructive information rather than making fun of them on twitter.

Powerful people empower people.

So how about, instead of posting these emails to social media in an attempt to belittle these people (where they can likely see it and feel bad about themselves because of it) you offer some genuine helpful feedback? How about you take the time to be a real leader and tell these prospective employees how they can improve upon their first impressions? How about you take that entrepreneurial title you hold so dearly and be a good boss. A boss that cares about people whether they’re your employee, prospective employees or complete strangers.

All I am saying is… there’s two ways to go about this situation and the route this gentleman is taking, I think it’s the wrong route.

People screw up. They make spelling mistakes. They naively use the wrong words and they can do things that can be embarrassing at times. Shaming them over social media, being named or not, is not an acceptable response to those situations.

Everyone’s got to start somewhere. And these prospective employees emailing you, they’re starting right now. Be the guy that helps them. Be the guy that teaches them. Be the guy that provides positive, constructive feedback that will contribute to them being more successful in the future. You don’t have to hire them to help them. You can help them with guidance.

Don’t be the guy who makes fun of them on social media.

So… I ditched Derrick.

It’s true, I did. My life is presently Derrick free at the moment. And, whilst things haven’t really calmed down since, I am feeling a certain gratitude for not having to deal with him.

I fled for British Columbia, where the forests are plentiful and the cell reception is sparse. There’s a neighbourhood moose that likes to walk down the street in the morning’s – perhaps he’s up early to get his workout done before his day begins. (And yes, it’s a ‘he’. I’m Canadian, we know these things) It’s very much a small town… the kind of place where everyone seems to know everyone and there’s a mini-van in every driveway and a roast in every oven. Oh, it’s also the kind of place where there’s still snow on the ground on April 16. Yeah, there’s definitely character.

As far as my health goes, I received no diagnosis from the Ear Nose and Throat Specialist. Not only that, but I also was told that he’s got nothing left to do to help me and that there’s no explanation for it, so I just have to live with it. It wasn’t the answer that I wanted, but, until I can find a new doctor who’s willing to think outside of the box, I guess I do just have to live with it.

In taking steps with my anxiety, I got a referral to talk with a Psychologist. They’re supposed to call me next Monday. I’ve known for a while now, at least a few months, that talking to someone could be a benefit to me. I’ve just been scared to go because I don’t have insurance right now and it’s quite expensive. That being said, I’ve decided that I’m going to go and I’m going to try it. We’ll see what happens. Trying to explain to the doctor that I have anxiety and not depression was a struggle.

I’m trying really hard to keep my insecurities in check. Not because I’m afraid of them, but moreso because I do not want to let them win. I know that I have a lot of work to do on myself, but everyone has to start somewhere.

Here’s to starting from somewhere. My brother sent me a text message that said ‘May the odds be forever in your favour’. Here’s to hoping.

Einstein knows his stuff.

Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.

-Albert Einstein

Hopefully this quote goes without needing explanation. Just know that if you’re out there and you’re having a hard time, a hard day or a hard life, you are your own genius and you’re not alone.

A doctor, some updates and still no answers.

I had a follow up appointment with the ENT (Ear Nose and Throat) specialist today. After taking 9 months to get to him (referrals take forever in this part of the country) it’s so nice being able to book follow up appointments so quickly.

Where we last left off – I’ve had a sinus infection and several other mysterious ailments since November of 2017. The ENT Specialist made a referral for me to get a CT Scan so that he could have a full view of the inside of my head. The scan was done two weeks ago, so today, I went for the results of the CT Scan, hoping and praying that something was wrong on my scan so at least we would have something that was fixable.

My CT scan is perfectly normal. According to him, looking at my scan looks like a normal scan of a perfectly normal human being.

This obviously upset me quite a bit because I’ve been struggling for quite a while. And, he can see that I am struggling. He let me know that he sees I’m struggling and he wants to make me better. When he tried to stick his laparoscopic camera up my nose to see what was going on, he could not because it was too swollen.

Thankfully, the ENT specialist is not quitting on me. He proclaimed that he knows something is wrong with me and he will get to the bottom of it if I have to keep coming back to see him every month. Which, thank you! Thank you so much. I have finally found a doctor that agrees something is not right and needs to be fixed.

He’s scheduled me for some AutoImmune – Blood Tests for next week. (Thank you to DomesticatedRambler for suggesting that on a previous post I made to this blog) The ENT suggested that if this is something autoimmune related, the blood markers test he’s sending me for could explain a lot.

He’s also scheduled me to have a full scale allergist appointment in a couple of weeks. The test is not just a blood test (like I’ve had in the past), but instead, a full fledged allergen test where they prick you with the allergen and tape the area of your skin to see where your body/blood reacts and where it doesn’t. Apparently it tests for up to 250 allergens, so it involves getting poked by needles 250 times. Sounds like fun! Not! But, if it helps figure out what’s wrong with me, I will be grateful.

The ENT also referred me to a new medication for sinus infections called ‘Rhino Rinse’. It’s not something I’ve ever had before. He says you need to get referrals for it and then told me that it would be covered by my insurance. When I mentioned to him that I was presently unemployed, and thus without insurance, he gave me one. He just gave it to me! He said the units could be quite pricey and he does’t want me to have to pay for it if he’s not even positive if it will help me or not. How nice is he? So amazing!

I left the appointment today with him saying “I know you’re not feeling good, I know you’re struggling. I can see it. I am going to do whatever I can and whatever is in my power to help you feel better. We will get to the bottom of this, so please don’t give up.”

It’s like he knew exactly what I needed to hear but didn’t want to ask him to say. Nevertheless it made me tear up when he said it. I’m just so thankful to have found a doctor who is helpful and doesn’t pass me off as a hypochondriac.

I have a follow up with the ENT on April 11. At that time he will provide me the results to my AutoImmune blood work and to my allergy test. Here’s to praying that at least one of those shows something. Anything! If I know what’s wrong I can work to fixing it. I just need to know what’s wrong.

Whew, this was a lot to say. Heading to bed now.

Rest easy, world. ❤

Day 48: A sign, an earring and a reminder to just breathe.

Gabe, the three legged chihuahua is giving me some hardcore side-eye right now. How dare I sit on this bed without allowing him to sit on my lap.

It’s been a little more than one month since I created a wordpress account and subsequently, this blog. Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined the sincere and genuine kindness that I would have come across just by making a blog ‘on-the-line’. (Shout out to anyone who has seen ‘The Intern’) I’ve come to find that the interwebs are filled with incredibly kind and genuine people with nothing but love to share and provide total strangers. It’s a nice feeling to know that there are so many of you out there. It gives me hope. Thank you to each and every one of you who has shown me kindness. Especially to those of you who left me suggestions on how to help with my anxiety.

In other news, on February 11th I placed an order for earrings on a boutique website. I’d been eyeing them up for a while, deciding whether or not I could justify spending the money on them, and finally decided to pull the trigger. I paid for express shipping in hopes that the ‘2-3 Business days’ promised under the express column meant there might be a slight chance that I could have them for Valentine’s Day. When I hadn’t received a shipping notification by February 14th I sent an email to the boutique to ask where my earrings were. Apparently, unbeknownst to anyone, there’s a 5-10 business day handling period prior to shipping. So paying for express shipping would be 2-3 to ship following the 5-10 handling period at the boutique. As a small business, I can understand a need for time to process orders. What I cannot understand is why you don’t tell your customers that. Had I known that there was a handling period, I would not have paid for express shipping. Perhaps it’s just my needing to rant, but as a small business, you should be willing to be transparent with your customers about things like that. It’s good business and it’s good for survival.

My anxiety has gone down considerable amounts since yesterday. I think that I was overly nervous for my cat-scan last night. Being confined to small spaces, especially a cat scan machine, wasn’t sitting well with me. It’s nerve-wracking thinking something could be wrong with me. I’m trying to practice patience, though. And also, to find solace in the fact that they are trying to figure out what’s wrong and not just leaving me be. Knight and I went to the gym today t blow off some steam and that helped considerably. I’m going to take some of the suggestions that were left in the comments of my last post and try to start working them into my days. The way I figure, it’s worth a shot.

Plans for tomorrow include sending off my resume to a few more leads. Also – there’s apparently a coffee shop in town that has a wall of old books you can sit and read while you’re in there. Perhaps I’ll take my laptop and spend a few hours outside of the house.

Reminder to self: just breathe.

It’s time to find a job. A job that furthers my career. Just waiting on someone to realize what a badass addition I would be to their office.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.

Sending love ❤

The struggle is real today.

Every time that I let my mind fall blank for a moment… every time… I am overcome with anxious thoughts, an anxious heart and an extremely anxious soul.

I can’t control my thoughts.

I can’t.

I’ve had two clonazepams today and my heart is still racing. This is the feeling I wish that I could explain to those that don’t struggle with anxiety. This is what I wish they could understand. Nothing needs to be overly wrong, it’s just… some days are worse than others. Some days it’s harder to leave your room. Some days it’s all you can do to just be alive.

I know this. I do. And I know that if I jut give myself some time I will eventually calm down. At least I hope that I will. But for the time being, I need a distraction. I need something to put my mind towards. I need a project. I need to make myself busy so that my mind doesn’t have time to get the better of me.

Any suggestions?