Things I don’t understand…

While I fancy myself a somewhat not-stupid person, there are still plenty of things in this world that escape me. There are so many things that I do not know, that I do not understand, that my simple mind cannot grasp.

  • Chemistry – No matter how hard I try, I cannot grasp this subject… in its entirety
  • Why no one wants to hire me! I’m competent, confident, have a degree and skills. What am I doing wrong?
  • Why people do bad things. What makes a murderer a murderer? Likewise for other heinous crimes.
  • Why Gluten Free anything costs at least $3 more than it’s counterpart, sometimes up to $10 more…
  • How on earth the peel of bananas gets thinner as the banana gets more ripe
  • Why it’s 2020 and we’ve yet to find an alternative to single-use plastics
  • Why an Octopus has eight legs… why not seven? Wouldn’t a septopus be just as cool? Why does it have eight legs?
  • Why someone who cleans your teeth makes twice, and often triple, the salary of someone who can save your life in an emergency
  • Why people don’t vaccinate their children
  • What’s the best song to listen to when you’re sad?
  • Why someone always knocks on the door the moment I answer the phone
  • Why Teen Mom is still a thing…
  • Foot Fetishes… I just… when I think of the attractive pieces of the body, feet are not high ranking for me.
  • Why people build glass homes on the sides of cliffs in earthquake prone parts of the world (I’m looking at you California and Vancouver)
  • Why Old Town Road was considered a good song
  • What is the appendix for? Why does it burst in some people and not in others?
  • How someone can justify spending an entire mortgage payment, or more, on a pair of shoes, or a handbag.
  • Why people lie?
  • Why do people watch the Bachelor?
  • Why does the United States use Fahrenheit as a measure of temperature?
  • And soooooooooooooooooooo many more things

Day 20: When can I stop counting the days?

If ever there was a day, a moment, a time in which the steps could be taken – in which I could run away and leave everyone and everything behind, this is it.

That’s the dream, though. Right? Leaving the world you know behind in search of a beach town somewhere that you can sell fruit to tourists and live out your days worry free? Perhaps travel the world and never look back. That was always my dream.

With each passing day I get closer and closer to the move-out date for this apartment. The idea of moving out of this apartment excites me but also scares me. Not having a solidified place to move to is worrisome. Where will I go? How will I support myself? I don’t have answers. The only thing I do have is more and more questions.

Yes, it will feel exceptionally good to leave these weathered walls in my rear-view and truthfully, it’s a tad exhilarating to not know where I’m headed next. But, the sensible side of me is tapping at my cerebral cortex and politely saying “Make a plan! Make a plan!” At any given moment it’s difficult to decide which of my two seemingly-opposite viewpoints are winning.

I wish I had answers. Do I need a job to be happy? Is there more out there for me?

I wish I knew more.

My resolution for 2019 was to make sure that each day was better than the last. So far, I think that I have accomplished that. Everyone has their ups and downs, yes. But, the exhilaration of giving away all of my things and leaving this life is far more appealing then any down I am feeling at the moment.

Maybe I’ll travel the world. I’d like to start in Cambodia. How fantastic would that be to just get on a plane next month and say goodbye to comfort zones? Here I go again with more questions.

I am finding though that some questions are better than others. Some questions leave more room for the future than others. Some questions leave more peace of mind than others. Perhaps that’s the balance of life… knowing what to ask yourself and what to leave unanswered.