Sick and struggling, what is wrong with me?

In 2018 I was in the hospital more times than I can count on my hands. I saw more doctors than I’d like to admit too and I took more medication than I probably ever needed. I say that last part meaning that I believe I was absolutely prescribed the wrong medications at least a half-dozen times.

I’ve been fighting a sinus infection since November of 2017. Since that time I’ve also had an eye infection several times and recurrent ear infections.

I’ve tried everything. Crazy diets, obscene amounts of vitamins and minerals, exercise and subsequent weight loss, different therapies, essential oils, basically anything I could think to try, I’ve done.

And yet the infection persists.

During this time in which I have been dealing with pressure in my head (from the infection) and struggling to function, six doctors have prematurely diagnosed me with diabetes, one with Lupus and one just wouldn’t even look at me and told me I have IBS. All of them prescribed me antibiotics.

I’m not diabetic. I’ve taken that test several times now, and yet they still won’t let that concept go.

I do not have Lupus. I’ve also been tested for that.

I’ve also had my thyroid tested, my liver functionality tested, had an allergy test done, had my blood drawn – at least 20 times and been given nasal spray and told that it’ll go away in a few days. I also had a sleep apnea test done last year as well.

Every time I get tests done the doctors tell me that I’m fine. That on paper everything looks great so antibiotics should have me good and better in 3-5 days.

My eyes are always red. I look like a stoner, and have been asked on several occasions if I am a stoner because of the fact that my eyes are so frequently red and splotchy.

‘No Doc, I do not smoke pot,’ I’d say. ‘Nor do I do drugs, and the amount of times I drink alcohol in a year can be counted on one hand. I do not believe this is drug or alcohol related.’

I saw an Ear/Nose/Throat specialist on February 7. It took 9 months to get an appointment with him because, apparently, ENT doctors are in that high of demand. The ENT told me that my nasal cavities were swollen to an alarming rate. He said that normally when he inspects patients he’s able to use a laparoscopic camera to view their ear, nose and throat cavities and see what’s wrong. He said that mine were so swollen it was alarming to him. Thank you, Mr. ENT, THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING FOR OVER A YEAR.

Excuse my yelling. It was just nice to have someone finally admit that the problem was the problem.

I was prescribed steroids to stop the swelling in my face and told to come back in one month so that he could get a better viewing of the extent of the damage. He also sent me for a CT scan so that he can have a view of my head.

I find out the results from that on March 4.

Right now, though, right now I am struggling. This steroid that is stopping the swelling my face is also giving me mega headaches. I’ve also got small things doing on that I’m noticing that I believe are appearing because of the infection.

My nails are cracking and breaking like crazy, down to the skin, right in the middle of the nail. It’s actually quite painful. There’s a weird rash on my right foot that seems to come and go as it pleases – I have yet to figure out what is causing it and why it’s only appearing on my foot, and only one foot at that. My hair, in spite of the fact that I take really good care of it, use minimal products and don’t use heat tools, has horrid split ends. I can cut them off and they reappear in days. My eyes are still red… so I still look like a stoner. And I’m tired. I’m tired a lot of the time. Being awake for 12 hours in a day seems like an arduous task.

I’m frustrated that I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me and therefore cannot figure out how to fix it. I’m frustrated with the amount of doctors who just wrote me off and said “You’re just diabetic”, or just prescribed me antibiotics and told me to be on my way.

I’m angry that it’s been over a year. I’m angry that I’m still suffering with these issues. I’m angry that it’s so hard to sleep. I’m angry that because I don’t know what is wrong, I cannot fix it.

On days when my anxiety gets bad, I have a hard time dealing with this. What if it’s an issue with my brain? How should I know? My brain spirals off into crazy places and there’s no way of coming back.

In spite of eating healthily, exercising, taking all of the right vitamins and minerals, and so on and so forth, I can’t get over this. Why can’t my body fight this?

Desperately waiting for March 4, hoping for some sort of an answer on that day, and if not then, hoping for a sign from the universe of how to help myself.

Okay, I’m done whining now.

Whew.