Hey Universe, if you're listening.

I have a phone interview tomorrow, for a really awesome position with a really awesome company, that starts in January. Universe, I don’t know if you’re listening or not, but if you are, how about you work some of your magic? I’ve seen you do it before and I could use some of it right about now.

It’d be awfully nice to have a new job to go to in 2020. Awfully nice indeed. Dare I go so far as to say it would make me have a very merry and happy Christmas? Because I really think this position could change things for me. I really think it could make me a better me, a new me, a happier me.

Is that selfish of me to ask for your help? I think that’s selfish of me to ask. I don’t care though. A girl’s gotta get her turn eventually, and this, this could be mine!

Universe, I would like this job. Not one three months from now, or six months from now, I want this one.

I would be so happy if they could like me enough to give me an in-person interview. I know once they met me they wouldn’t want to pass me up. I just need them to give me the in-person.

Goodness, I hope this goes well tomorrow.

Sincerely, A hopeful soul.

Adventures in job hunting: Misleading job descriptions.

I had a phone interview for a job scheduled for today at 11:00.

The job that I applied for was for a Marketing Coordinator for one of the most major beverage companies in the world.

I read the job description and it talked about creating and implementing a marketing plan, determining new markets and sectors for which to expand the brand, using communication platforms to deliver messages and promotions of the products and deciding events to sponsor. These are all typical marketing related tasks.

The ENTIRE job description mentioned that it was for this particular beverage brand. NOWHERE in the job description did it mention that it was for any other brand, or anything but this particular beverage brand.

Get three minutes into the phone interview and he lets me know that the job isn’t actually for this brand at all, it’s for one of their subsidiaries.

Fine.

Whatever.

Then, he asks me what makes me want to work for this brand – the subsidiary, not what I thought I was applying for.

I told him the position seemed like a challenge that I would be great for and I was excited at the prospect.

Then he said ‘No, not why you want this position, why do you want to work for this brand (the subsidiary)?

I again mentioned the position seemed like something that would excite me.

And again, he said ‘I know why you think the position is great, but why did you want to work for this brand (the subsidiary)?

Well, sir, I didn’t actually know I was applying for a job with this subsidiary until about a minute ago when you told me. There was no listing of the subsidiary anywhere in the job posting. At all.

Scuffles on the other end of the phone.

‘You’re not very quick at thinking on your feet, are you?’ he asks.

‘Guess not!’ I said and tried to laugh it off, knowing this was going to be held against me.

Then he goes on to say ‘Well, I’ll explain to you a little more about the position. As a member of our sales team..’

Hold up.

Nothing in the job description mentioned ANYTHING about sales. ‘Oh, the job description didn’t mention anything about sales?’ I calmly, casually suggested.

He says ‘Well Marketing Activation is, by definition, sales’.

I disagree with that statement on its face. But whatever.

He goes on to explain that this position is a sales role and commission based.

So I applied to a job that I believed was going to be branding, marketing and establishing this company into new avenues in Western Canada.

The job was actually for a sales position for a subsidiary company in which the job-holder is to drive around the prairie provinces asking different gas stations and arenas and venues if they’re willing to carry this product and what kind of deal I could arrange to sell them these products.

I’m not qualified to work at Wal-Mart.

That’s right. Sounds a little ridiculous, no? It’s Wal-Mart. How hard could it possibly be? What exactly are the skills required of working at Wal-Mart that I am lacking? Or am I just a really shitty person and that’s why they won’t hire me?

Throughout this job-hunting process, one of the things that I wanted to do was apply for a cashier/retail position. I wanted something that I could work in the mean-time, until I find my next career position. And, I thought if I were so lucky enough, this mean-time job – being a cashier in a store, might be able to be my ‘side-hustle’ so to speak… once I landed my 9-5 again.

I thought this plan might have been coming to fruition when I landed an interview for a role as a cashier at Wal-Mart. I thought ‘This will be perfect. I can work it full-time now (or part time, whatever hours they provide me) and then when I land my full-time job I can scale back to part time’. I thought being a part-time employee at Wal-Mart was a good thing. After all, don’t they like that? They don’t have to pay employees as much, or offer as many breaks, etc… if they’re part-time.

I’m somewhat-not-stupid in the intelligence department. I can count. I can multiply large numbers in my head and would absolutely be able to complete my job even if the power went out and the register was not working. I can scan products through the till. I have a pretty solid memory, for the most part, so remembering things like produce or bulk food codes won’t be hard for me. I tend to work well under chaos and am used to people yelling at me. My mom tells me that I have a nice smile… how could I possibly fail at this role?

Well, apparently Wal-Mart didn’t think I was the right fit for their store.

I went to the job interview – which turned into a group interview… that they did not tell any of us about ahead of time. During the hour in which the interview occurred, the only actual question the manager asked me about myself was what my name was. We proceeded to spend the next hour running through ‘what would you do if…’ scenarios with respect to the store.

I completed each of these scenarios and, after going in order of left-to-right for each candidate to present their completed findings/suggestions, myself and one other girl were quickly cut off and not provided the opportunity to present ours as the one hour of allotted time for the interview was up and they were done interviewing candidates.

The manager promptly let each of us know that he would tell us within 72 hours whether or not we were selected to work for Wal-Mart via email.

Within one hour of leaving my group interview at Wal-Mart, to which the only question I was asked about myself was what my name was, I was sent an email that read the following:

Dear Miss [Insert Last Name Here]

At Wal-Mart we receive many applications from people on a daily basis who wish to work in our store and we have to do our very best to select the most qualified candidates who will be the best additions to our team.

At this time we have found qualified, suitable candidates and will not be hiring you for the position of cashier.

Please do not get discouraged. There are still plenty of career opportunities to work with Wal-Mart, so we do recommend that you keep your account active, remember your username and password, and apply for any future positions to which you may be interested in.

Sincerely,

The Hiring Team at Wal Mart Store [Insert Wal Mart Store Location here]

Since, at this time, they’ve found qualified and suitable candidates for the role of cashier, does that mean that I am not qualified? Or does that mean that I am not suitable? Either way, what is it about my telling you my name that makes me not qualified or not suitable for your team?

This whole process was a bit of a let-down. To not even really be given the time of day in an interview was frustrating, especially considering I sat on my computer one night and completed their 30 minute personality assessment test, to which they reassured me at several points throughout the test that there were no wrong answers. Did I actually get the answers wrong?

What was it about my interview that lead you to believe I am a bad fit for your team? I wore dress clothes – it wasn’t as though I came looking like a slob. I’m an educated woman, it wasn’t as though I couldn’t string sentences together… not that I even got the opportunity to do so anyways.

I can’t be the first person in the world who’s been through the process of changing careers. And I know that I’m definitely not the first person in the world who’s considered the option of a cashier role as a ‘side-hustle’ to make money. Maybe that just doesn’t work for them. Or maybe the manager who interviewed us is telepathic so he knew what I was thinking with respect to the scenarios we were supposed to present and that’s why he didn’t provide me the opportunity to present. Yeah, that’s it. He already knew my answers.

Here’s to being unqualified, or unsuitable, or whatever… (I’m not really sure what they were thinking) to work at Wal-Mart. I’ll drink to that.