They like me. They really like me!

It’s been four weeks now that I’ve been at my new job. What a difference finding a decent place to work makes in one’s life. Four weeks into this job I’ve been treated better, and with more trust then I ever found in the last decade of my professional career.

I know, I know, I know: ‘Don’t get too far ahead of yourself, Vee’.

I won’t, I promise.

I’m just grateful. Grateful for the opportunity. Grateful for something to look forward too. Grateful that they’ve put faith in me.

In four weeks I’ve taken part in presentations with companies from three different continents, had an article published on an international governing-body’s website, dove head first into a brand new industry and not drown, and… had my first performance review. Spoiler alert: they like me!

In my first performance review (I have to do them every three weeks until I pass the employee probationary period), my boss said that she thinks I am intelligent, articulate, talented and am fitting in really well with everyone on staff. That last one meant a lot to me because, coming in to the company in a ‘work from home’ situation posed a unique challenge for me to try and get to know my new coworkers.

My boss went on to say that she’s so thankful she hired me and that she’s so grateful I didn’t get swooped up for another position between February when I started the interview process and May when they officially hired me.

I’ve been taking a course in software development this week. As much as I hate ‘school’ this course has actually opened my eyes to a whole new subject matter that I think will really benefit me down the line. It’s made for some long days, but I’m grateful for the opportunity.

Here’s to hoping they continue to like me moving forward and that I’ve got a long, fruitful career ahead of me in tech!

I found a house

I found a house to move into.

I filled out a rental application and I was accepted.

I’m moving.

It’s surreal to say that. I’ve wanted this for what feels like a lifetime. Now that it’s finally happening, part of me is waiting for the shoe to drop. Part of me thinks it’s too good to be true and something has to go wrong.

I’m trying not to jinx it. But, big news… I FOUND A HOUSE! It’s a beautiful house in a really nice neighbourhood. It has air conditioning! (If anyone who’s reading this is from a country where air conditioning is normal, it’s really more of a luxury and a rarity in homes in Canada) It also has a really beautiful kitchen that’ll allow me to reclaim my love of cooking. And, something I’ve never had before in my life, it has a walk in closet. A walk in closet! I’ll have felt like I’ve officially arrived when I have a closet so large that I can change in my closet each day.

Could it be true? Could things be really falling into place? Could I really luck out and get everything I’ve ever seen for my future? My office is in the city, in a skyscraper, on the 20th floor. Now I’ve got a perfect place just outside of downtown and it’s gorgeous and it’s close enough to the office that I won’t get stuck in traffic, but far enough from downtown that rent is fucking amazing.

How did I get this lucky?

For so long now I’ve been really down-and-out, so to speak. I’ve felt as though there’s nothing left for me, there’s nowhere to go and I’d be stuck in mediocrity and hell for the rest of my days. It’s weird to have hope again. This isn’t a familiar feeling to me. Finding a job during a global pandemic? Four leaf clovers… Finding a gorgeous new build home with rent the same as any apartment and older home in the city? Freaking pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, it feels like.

Now I just need to pack.

AND PLAN.

For a new life in a new city.

I’m trying to do things right this time… take things slow… savour the victories. Since you can’t get these moments back, I want to remember the feeling I felt when things finally started turning around for me.

I’m beyond excited to move into this home and start making it mine. I’m also looking forward to what comes through this road ahead. I’m hoping it breeds a lot of contentment. Perhaps, if I’m really lucky, a little adventure.

Time to pack my bags…

House Hunting

10 years ago, fresh out of University, I accepted a job in a city that I’d never been to and was told I needed to be moved in and ready to start in two weeks.

Scrambling to find a place to live, I settled on one of the first apartment buildings to get back to me because it was near my office and the rent was… decent. I had no one warn me about the neighbourhood, I had no one help me find a place and I made a quick decision to ensure I’d have a roof over my head in time to start work.

That apartment ended up being a nightmare. About six months after I moved in, the apartment building was actually raided by swat. Apparently, one of the tenants living at the other end of the third floor I was on was quite the drug kingpin.

I should’ve taken it as a sign to get the hell out of that apartment. But, I was only six months out of University, I was working for practical pennies and I didn’t really have the resources to move. So I stayed.

Did I mention the apartment was horrible? Because it was. It was built in the 60’s, so a lot of the structure was aging. The heating system sounded like it was going to explode each time it turned on (it was a broiler-based heating system). The upstairs neighbour lived his best life between the hours of midnight and six in the morning. One night I actually had to call 911 on him because he was beating up his girlfriend in the middle of the night and I woke up to her screaming ‘Help me, he’s going to kill me!’

I called 911. I gave a statement. She ended up being okay, from what I was told. After this fateful night, I wanted to move. Still being paid practical pennies for the work I was doing, I didn’t have the resources to move. I was barely paying my bills each month and I was worried that the psycho who lived above me knew that it was me who called the cops on him and that he’d be coming for me next.

Three weeks later, I received a summons from the Crown Prosecutor to be a witness in court at his assault trial that was scheduled for six months down the road.

I was terrified.

My upstairs neighbour didn’t know I was the one who called 911. If I had to stand up in court and say that it was me, could he come for me next? I needed to move. But I couldn’t afford it.

I remember how low I felt the day I called the Crown Prosecutor to beg him to not make me take the witness stand. He didn’t really seem to care about my fears. Apparently, he believed I was being over-dramatic about it.

I needed to move.

I ended up spending a few weeks sleeping in the basement of one of my coworkers. About two weeks after I called the Crown Prosecutor, he called me to let me know that he had a change of hard, that he was able to prosecute my upstairs neighbour without my being a witness and that he was being a bully in forcing me to be a witness when he knew that I felt it could put me at risk. Whilst he didn’t think this man would come after me, he understood that I was a single-white-female who lived alone and he would know what door to knock on the moment he saw me.

So, I didn’t have to take the witness stand and I decided to put off moving.

The man upstairs ended up getting evicted after prolonged absence from the building do to his being locked up on a drug charge.

A few months later, I got a raise at work. I thought it was an incredible moment for me because I was going to have a few hundred extra dollars each month and if I put them aside for three months then I could move.

A few days after I got my raise, the apartment building raised my rent due to ‘increased demand in the city for rental units and the prime location of our building’. I was crushed. Here I was thinking I was going to be able to save money to move an the apartment building had just given me a big ‘fuck you, sucker’.

I could go on and on about the stories that plagued me whilst in that apartment. Or other apartments I’ve lived in (I always seem to make horrible decisions with respect to living situations… refer to stories of roommate Derek from 2019 if you’re curious), The bottom line is, it wasn’t a happy place for me to go home to each night. And now that I’m looking to move and find myself an oasis in the city, I would really like to make sure that I don’t just accept the first thing that comes along because it came along.

I want to do this right.

I want to find a place that I’m happy to come home to each night.

I want to find a home that, if COVID 19 strikes in a second wave, I am content with spending a lot of time in.

I’m counting my lucky stars right now that I’ve landed a job that I am able to work from home due to this pandemic, but I would still like to move sooner, rather than later. For my sanity. For tax purposes. Because I want to be a city girl. Because this past year and a half has been really hard on my mental health and well being, and I’d really like to move onto a new chapter.

I’m loving my job, by the way. It’s been amazing so far. I know I’m still new to it, but it’s different from anything I’ve ever done before so it’s all exciting and there’s so much to learn and so many new ways to grow and get better.

The trouble with house hunting is… finding a place during a pandemic. Most places aren’t booking walk-throughs. Which I completely understand. But many places have really shitty pictures, or misleading pictures, online. I’m pretty sure I’ve come across at least three scams already. And I’ve also come across a lot of places that are really, really overpriced for what they are.

I thought I’d found a really incredible place for a really reasonable price but the landlord just does not respond. So that’s kind of a bummer. But I’m not going to let it stop me.

I’m going to do this right.

I want a place to call home. My home. A place to feel safe and welcome and like I belong. I’m not going to settle this time around.

I’m going to do this right.

I’m struggling tonight.

I’m lamenting over opportunities missed, opportunities passed and opportunities forgotten.

I’m having trouble just… existing right now. I feel bad. We all have our days, and I know this will pass, eventually. I just… wish I could avoid times like these. I wish that I was happier with where I’m at with my life.

Honest thoughts: all I want to do is crawl into my bed and cry.

I’m not even anxious. I’m just… doubting myself.

How do I make an employer see the talents that I possess could be of great benefit to them when several hundred people are applying for the same job? How do I make myself stand out? I know that in person I can stand out, but somehow, I seem to keep falling short.

I’m trying to not beat myself up. I really am. I’m just trying to figure out where I am lacking. Why do I keep making it to the final step and falling short?

I didn’t get the job.

In response up to: Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow – I didn’t get the job.

I’m not really sure what to say on the matter. It’s obviously not the outcome that I wanted. It’s obviously not the outcome that I thought was going to happen. I got my hopes up for this. I really thought this was it, this was my opportunity for growth, for a my next career move, to work for an organization that didn’t break the law and ask me to cover it up. There were so many bonuses to working in this office and I’m kicking myself right now because I don’t get any of them.

I can’t even be mad. I’m not mad. It’s an incredible company and I know they’ve got to do what they feel is right for them. I just can’t help but feel as though they made the wrong choice. And, in their making the wrong choice, I’ve lost out.

It sucks. It really does.

All of my worst fears seem to be coming to fruition. I’m too qualified to work in retail, not qualified to work at these jobs that I’ve been working towards for a decade. Job hunting sucks. It really does. I’m squandering all of my talents and there’s nothing I can do about that.

I don’t know what to do with myself.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

So, a few weeks back I wrote this post: Who is your favourite superhero and why?

As mentioned in the post, my response was sent to a potential employer as a part of a pre-task questionnaire to help them determine who they wanted to interview.

Well, turns out… they wanted to interview me!

This obviously provided me a great deal of excitement. I was trying to not get my hopes up, but at the same time, prepping myself for what could be an incredible position with an incredibly cool company.

I went to my job interview today. And I FUCKING NAILED IT. I did so good. And I loved the women that I interviewed with. They were genuine, kind, intelligent, hard-working, powerful and stunning. They’re everything that I hope to become as a career woman. The interview was so fluid and easy. I was confident, and pretty freaking impressed with myself about how well I could answer all of their questions without hesitation.

At the end of the interview, they let me know they were asking their two favourite candidates to return tomorrow to meet the CEO. The CEO has final hiring power, so they were having him interview the two best candidates so he could select the person who will be hired. They told me that I’d hear from them before 4:30 today with whether or not I was selected as one of the final two.

I WAS SELECTED AS ONE OF THE FINAL TWO!

It was less than a half hour after I left my interview that they contacted me. They told me that they loved me, they thought I was qualified and competent and would like for me to come back tomorrow to meet the CEO.

Umm… HECK YES.

I have an interview tomorrow with the CEO. I am one of the final two candidates. I might actually get this! This would be an incredible company to work for.

Oh, I’m wishing for luck and light from the universe for this one. This would be a huge step up from my last position/organization, and, it would provide so much opportunity for growth for me.

I want it. I want it so badly.