Holy headache Batman

The past week has been exceptionally trying on my physical health. At first, I had what I thought was a pinched nerve in my neck. My mom made a recommendation that I go see a Chiropractor, and though I was reluctant, I agreed.

See, the headache I have has been so bad that I’ve been having troubles seeing straight. When I stand up, if it’s too quickly, I feel as though I’m going to fall over. I have troubles turning my head. I’m afraid to drive. Honestly, walking down stairs has been quite difficult.

The visit to the Chiropractor was the wrong decision to make… mostly because the issues I’m having were not related to skeletal alignment. So, after another 2 days of suffering, I went to the doctor.

I’ve been dealing with sincerely debilitating pain for a few days. Now I am seriously contemplating going back to the doctor, or to the hospital. I seem to not be getting any better. It might be my anxiety doing the talking, but I feel like I might be getting worse.

The last time I can remember my head hurting even remotely close to this bad was a point in my life where I’d suffered a severe concussion after a physical altercation with a friend’s ex-boyfriend. (Honestly… a story for another day) Part of me, though, is wondering if the movements the Chiropractor did created concussion-like symptoms.

I’m not sure what I’m going to do. There’s not much the doctor can do for me right now. That’s pretty much the only reason I haven’t gone back.

If anyone has any suggestions to help with debilitating headaches, I’d gladly take them.

Ugh, my head hurts.

Day 32: February, how did you get here so quickly?

Today is not going well for me. My anxiety is skyrocketing to the point where I’m struggling to catch my breath. What’s triggering it? It would be nice to know. How is it February already? Where is the time going and why does it feel like it’s slipping away from me faster than sand running through my fingertips?

More questions. Every time I get anxious it seems as though all I am filled with is questions. Questions, questions, questions. It’d be nice to have some answers for a change.

I don’t tell people about my anxiety. I haven’t really ever. I’m not ashamed of it, I just don’t know how to explain it. Talking about anxiety to someone who doesn’t suffer from it really doesn’t understand. Trying to answer their questions just seems like an arduous feat I’m not capable of at this stage in my life.

We’re a month into the year and all I can feel is that I don’t have my shit together.

My mom starts chemotherapy on the 7th and though I know they caught her cancer early and I know they’re incredibly optimistic she will come out of this clear and healthy, I’m still scared.

The job hunt has become more frustrating by the day. Step 1 – Upload your resume. Step 2 – Rewrite everything that is listed on your resume in our form. Step 3 – Answer a bunch of questions that we should be asking you in an interview but don’t because we’re not going to interview you. Step 4 – Waste a lot of your time.

And, for the interviews that I have had, I’m now playing the waiting game. And the waiting game sucks. Everything feels unsettled. Everything feels out of place. It’s as though the world is off-kilter and I just can’t keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. Life happens.

Waiting for this to pass. Hoping it passes soon.

I really need to stop pouring my thoughts out to the internet.