The family drama continues

Since we lost my Uncle K earlier this year, my Uncle F has been a giant pain in everyone’s ass. He’s sought to make all of our lives miserable and he’s sparing no one in the process.

First, he tried to have me removed as executor of the will. He was trying to prove that I manipulated Uncle K into making me executor of the will.

Next he tried to have my cousins and I removed from the will itself. Uncle K had made sure to leave each of his family members in the will. EVERYONE. From his brothers and sister, right down to his great niece and nephew. Uncle F decided that if he could get everyone removed from the will except for his siblings, he’d get a lot more money.

Uncle F also stole Uncle K’s car because the rest of his siblings wanted the car to be given to my cousin Tara. Uncle F didn’t want Tara to have the car, he wanted to sell the car for profit. So, he stole it in the middle of the night and hid it, only to be found at a later date when he tried to sell it and wasn’t legally able to do so.

There was a period of about five months there that everything we tried to do to contribute to the closing of Uncle K’s estate was halted, delayed or outright stopped because Uncle F was being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole.

LOTS of petty bullshit went on. Every time that we made any progress Uncle F would send his lawyers out for blood. I don’t know if he just didn’t understand or if he was specifically trying to be an asshole for the sole purpose of being an asshole, but he was paying lawyers to halt the lawyers from fulfilling Uncle K’s final wishes. Uncle K’s estate is paying the lawyers, so every time he sent his personal lawyers after them, he was essentially lessening the inheritance we would get from his brother’s estate.

About three weeks before Uncle K’s memorial in September my father decided to put an end to it. He went to see Uncle F and words were had. I’m not really sure what happened or what was said because my father still hasn’t talked about it, but what I do remember is that my father told me from that point forward Uncle F would not interrupt any more.

Seeing Uncle F at the funeral was pretty awkward. He wasn’t mean and he didn’t cause a scene but he looked at everyone and sulked a lot like a toddler who’d just been told they couldn’t stay up late. Thankfully the fact that everything was exceptionally distanced that day meant that no one really needed to talk to him. He basically sat off to the side and pouted.

Fast forward to now.

The sale of Uncle K’s house was supposed to go through this past week. I say it was supposed to go through because, had everything been able to happen as was, we wouldn’t own it anymore.

Uncle F sent his lawyers to temporarily halt the sale of the home. Why? He doesn’t think we’re selling it for enough money and thus he’s arguing we’re undercutting his inheritance. Apparently if we just held out and waited we could sell the home for a lot more.

I’m utterly convinced he’s doing this when he’s doing this specifically to cause the most annoyance possible. He didn’t have anything to say when the offer came in. He didn’t have anything to say at any point during the negotiation process. Contracts are being finalized and how he’s trying to prove we’re trying to undercut his inheritance?

Uncle K’s lawyers don’t seem to think this will take too long. They think it’ll be wrapped up in a week or two.

I’m just so… annoyed.

As of right now it’s estimated that the siblings share of the inheritance should be between $100,000 – $150,000 each. This asshole is over here saying ‘STOP THE SALE. I WANT MORE MONEY!’

Of course he is. He’s a greedy SOB. There’s a reason why Uncle K chose a niece and two nephews to be executors to his will over any of his siblings.

I want to drive to his house and punch him in the face. That might sound aggressive, but at this point I feel it warranted.

I won an award

Today my boss was notified that marketing materials I created for my company were chosen for an award. The large organization operating in the United States chose my marketing materials as the best submission of more than 600 entries.

I’m extremely proud.

I am brand new to the industry that I work in presently. I started in May and prior to starting, I’d never had any involvement with anything relating to any company, organization or subject matter surrounding the industry which I presently work. This is a big deal for me. This is also the second award that my work has won in two months.

To me, this is an acknowledgement that marketing is absolutely integral to the way business is done. If you have better marketing, you’re going to have more success with your operations. Heck, if you have better marketing, your company is going to be acknowledged on an international scale when awards are distributed.

While I know that we work as a team and we win as team, we all play different roles within the organization. This win is a direct reflection of the role that I’ve taken on over the past few months and the improvements I have made for their company. I know I said it before but I’m really proud.

Back in the interview process for this job, they asked me ‘Why should we hire you over other qualified candidates?’ The response that I gave them was something along the lines of ‘They may be qualified but they’re not as qualified as I am’ and that they wouldn’t ever regret making a decision to hire me. My boss brought up those comments today when I was informed of the win.

Pretty cool.

So much snow

It just won’t stop snowing.

It’s been snowing for days.

The roads are a mess.

Naively, I thought there were at least a couple, if not a few, more weeks until winter really began. I was a fool. A dang fool, I tell you.

I’m not feeling much better from where I was at on the weekend. But, the good news is, I’ve been staying away from people so, at the very least, I know I’ve not gotten anyone else sick.

COVID has spiked in this city. It’s basically doubled in the past couple of days. I did write about it yesterday but I took the post down because I felt I was a little too aggressive. Regardless, you know… you really don’t know if someone’s healthy or not. The only person you can vouch for is yourself.

I’m counting my lucky stars that I have this beautiful home to hide out in. It’s a shelter from the weather, from the virus, and from stupid people. And as long as I can get food delivered, I’m staying here for the forseeable future.

I’m rambling again.

Just because there are some things that I am unhappy about does not mean there isn’t good in my life. Just because there are some things that I am insecure about does not mean that I don’t like myself. Just because I have doubts does not mean that I don’t have certainties. Just because I’m an idiot when it comes to some things doesn’t mean that I’m an idiot when it comes to all things.

It’s okay to not have all of the answers. It’s okay if you don’t have a clear path. I don’t care what people say about trying not being good enough. Trying beats the hell out of being stagnant in life.

It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to screw up. What’s not okay is refusing to learn lessons from those times in life that seem so damn bad, you don’t ever know how you’re going to recover. Acknowledging your missteps and learning from them is literally the first step towards recovering, carving a new path and ensuring you don’t fuck up the same way twice.

Often times we treat these situations in life as though they’re rules. Rules we cannot break. We cannot possibly be insecure, unsure, uneasy or unhappy because if we’re any of these things it means we’re not secure, sure, easy-going or happy. That’s simply not the case. The world isn’t black and white. There are so many shades of grey and being able to understand that will bring a lot of peace, I promise you.

Don’t let people tell you how to feel, your feelings are warranted. Don’t let people tell you who to be or what to believe. You are who you are for a reason. That doesn’t mean that who you are is who you always have to be. Human beings are a work in progress and it’s well within you to change, if you want to. If you don’t, though… be proud of who you are. Flaws and all. Uncertainties and all. Insecurities and all. Uneasiness and all. No one else in this world is you.

I bought a car

She’s a beaut, too.

I’ve owned her for about two weeks now and it’s been two incredible weeks. Progress, am I right? If only January-April me could have seen me now and known how this year was going to shape up.

She’s a pre-owned vehicle. There’s 55,000 kms on her, so she’s been around the block a time or two. I love her no less, though. She’s dependable, reliable and completely beautiful. When I say beautiful, I mean… she turns heads when I drive by.

Yes, I refer to my car as a her.

I need to give her a name. I’ll gladly accept recommendations if anyone has names that would suit a car. Brownie points go to any names that are recommended more than once!

Tuesday’s surprise

Five people from my work were fired today.

Five people. No explanation as to why, just notification that they no longer work for the company.

Five people got fired and I wasn’t one of them. I know it’s just my being overly sensitive but I really feel for each of those five people. Whatever the reason they were fired, I know what it’s like. It’s never good to be abruptly out of a job… let alone during a pandemic.

Usually you hear about last hired, first fired… but I was the last person hired. I’m still here, still standing and feeling like I dodged a bullet in some way.

A boring story.

I banged my head.

‘Banged’ is a really weird word. It almost defies the rules of English. It sounds like it should be ‘bonged’…

Anyways, I banged my head. Really badly. I have a stacking washer/dryer set and this is the first time in my life to ever have the stacking laundry system. Since I moved into this place I’ve been extra careful about ensuring I don’t stand up with the dryer door open. Well, careful until last night.

I grabbed the last two pieces of clothing out of the washing machine and stood up quickly, gesturing my hand upward to throw them into the dryer. On the way up, though, I hit the dryer door… so fucking hard. My head has been throbbing since last night. There’s actually a giant lump on the side of my head, where I hit it. It’s probably been 20 years since I’ve managed to do that to myself.

I had a really hard time sleeping last night. I’m having a really hard time focusing today. All I can really focus on is the gnawing pain… reminding me of what a dumbass I am for knowingly standing up whilst the dryer door was open. It’s like I was asking for it.

Anyways, I banged my head.

It hurts.

That… was a story.

Story time: The time I was spit on

A man spit in my face once. Actually, I shouldn’t really call him a man. He was 20, exceptionally immature and generally a disgusting human being. Calling him a man seems like a disservice to men in this world. Then again, calling him a boy seems like I’m making an excuse for his behaviour. There’s no excuse for spitting on people.

It was March 2018. I was having a discussion with my friend Rob about another crazy story from his work-life. Rob was the chief of police. Though he never told me anything that was confidential, I did hear some crazy stories from the man over the years that I knew him. We’d just grabbed some coffee and we were waiting for players to return from the intermission of the game we were watching. Rob was telling me a story about how a few nights prior he was working the graveyard shift and he found himself, at 2:00 in the morning, chasing a man in his tighty-whiteys yielding a machete high off some sort of illegal substance through the courtyard of city hall. He uh, well he has no fears.

Rob is tower of a human being. He stands at 6 feet 7 inches tall. He has an extremely intimidating presence. Had he not been married to one of my coworkers, I likely would have feared him just based on his presence. Nevertheless, I digress. Cop life was a fit for him.

So, the explanation of Rob is important to the story because Rob actually plays a pretty integral role into what came from the rest of that evening.

During the third period a fight broke out. This was a bad fight. One of the players actually attempted to use a piece of his equipment to inflict dangerous, physical harm that could disable another player for life during this fight.

Typically, though a player is going to be kicked out of the game for such actions, they’re put in the penalty box while the referee reviews the play, what happened and what lead to the dangerous actions to ensure they have everything correct for expulsion from the game because they will have to file a report after.

This player was minutes from being kicked out. He was mad. He got into the penalty box and started using his equipment to try and break the penalty box. Which… physically speaking isn’t possible. But, he was angry and being an idiot, trying to inflict damage and throwing around threats to anyone he laid his eyes on.

Rob being Rob, well he stepped in. He stood in front of this player, towering at least 6 or 7 inches over him, and told him to sit down and calm down. This player didn’t.

I needed to collect some information from this player for the incident report so I asked Rob to get it for me.

Ohhhhhh, let me just say no one was prepared for what happened next.

This player got mad. He got up and in his fit of fury decided he was going to come after me. Problem was, even with all of his equipment on, he was still a lot shorter and smaller than Rob and Rob was standing between him and I. Rob was literally holding this player back from trying to jump at me and swing punches as he hurled insults my direction and shouted some pretty vulgar things.

I’ve been around sports most of my life so hearing vulgar things doesn’t really phase me. I don’t like. I don’t think it’s acceptable. But, I also can’t control the things that people say, so, I don’t let it get to me when disgusting things are said to me. Especially if it’s coming from someone like a 20 year old brat with a bad temper, no social skills and clear anger issues.

What did phase me though, was that in that moment when the player couldn’t overpower Rob, he decided to spit on me. He knew that he couldn’t get past Rob so he hocked a loogie and spit directly into my face.

It was one of the most disgusting moments of my life.

I was shocked. I was embarrassed. I was immediately scared. This idiot’s saliva had just landed in my eye and on my face.

This player does not know that the man he’s been trying to overpower to come at me is actually the Chief of Police. No one ever really knew what Rob did because it wasn’t something that Rob broadcasted to anyone outside of his circles. He just did his job and lived his life.

Well, in the moment when he spit on me, everyone knew it. Largely because everyone heard him hocking a loogie and then because everyone heard me scream in terror when the spit hit my face.

Here in Canada spitting on someone is a form of assault. This player, not realizing that he’s just committed a form of assault in front of the city’s chief of police, kept on shouting vulgar things at me as I started to cry and pull off my jacket and sweatshirt and scrape away at my skin with said clothing because I felt disgusting due to their being spit on me.

I kid you not, Rob grabbed this player by the back of his neck, walked him out of the penalty box and down the hall to the dressing room. He didn’t ask the referees, he didn’t wait for anyone, he just walked him down the hall and put him in the dressing room.

He came back to check on me. I was crying at this point in time. It was just such a disgusting feeling. I felt like I needed a shower. I felt like I’d been violated in a sense. I just felt… unclean. People say that I completely overreacted when it happened, but I really don’t think that I did. Until you’ve been spit at, in the face, you really can’t understand just how disgusting it feels. And by a stranger… someone you don’t know. It’s just… it really does leave you with this sense of feeling like you want to crawl out of your skin.

Rob’s a cop. He’d just watched this entire thing unfold. He got on his phone and he called some cops, who were on duty, to come on down and help this get sorted out. He made a statement, he vouched about what happened on the ice, and then about what happened to me when I got spat on. Because the police were there, I had to make a statement about getting spit on.

The police were waiting for this player when he came out of the dressing room. Let me tell you, it wasn’t a good sight. So Rob stayed back next to me, and the two police officers that came waited for this player to walk out of the dressing room to inform him they’d been told of what happened. This player got angry again, screaming down the hall at Rob and myself ‘You called the fucking cops on me, you pieces of shit!’

At this point the player proceeded to walk past the cops saying that everything they were told was a lie and that they were wasting their time and should go back to the donut shop. (Classy, I know)

When the two on-duty police officers pointed out that they had statements from an off-duty police officer that he witnessed the player spit on someone and that’s a form of assault, the player got angry.

‘You’re a fucking pig?’ He yelled in our direction. Then he tried to run at us again. The two on-duty police officers held him back. Like, this player has a serious anger issue. So, the police officers were holding him back and he hit one of the police officers in the face, which is a form of assault against a police officer.

So, they handcuffed him and took him off to the station.

It took three months following, but this player was actually charged with three counts of assault.

  1. For using his equipment to inflict harm upon one of the players on the ice.
  2. For spitting on me.
  3. For hitting a police officer in the face.

The initial count of assault ended up being thrown out because, reviewing the video of the game, they could not prove intent to harm based on what the player had done. The crown prosecutor argued that he could have accidentally tried to use his skate blade to cut the other player’s neck. Which… was complete and utter bullshit, but whatever, I don’t control the justice system.

He was charged with assault for spitting on me and he was charged with assault for hitting the police officer when they were trying to hold him back from running at Rob and I after he learned that Rob was a police officer.

Nothing ended up going to trial. He admitted guilt. I think he realized he had no choice but to admit guilt because he knew that he spit on someone in front of the chief of police and proceed to hit a police officer in front of two other police officers and a crowd of people.

He was given a fine and probation and forced to take anger management classes.

In a weird twist of events, though the player pleaded guilty to two charges of assault, the league actually never punished him. The league said that we could not prove that the player intended to injure the other player his skate blade and that there was no video footage of me being spit on, so it could have been any one of the six people around at that moment who decided to spit on me.

The league took zero ownership of the incident that involved the police officer being hit because they said they cannot control the actions of said players once they leave the ice, and therefore he cannot be held accountable by the league for something that could’ve very well happened on a sidewalk anywhere in the city on any day of the week.

Rob kept working games after that.

I think it was good for him. He loves hockey and he has a commanding enough presence that, when players pull bullshit like what happened that night, he played an integral role in calming down situations.

I didn’t keep working games.

I wrote an angry letter to the league explaining that I went home wearing someone else’s clothing that evening because I was so disgusted and felt so unclean I couldn’t bear to wear my jacket and sweatshirt. I actually threw away that jacket and sweatshirt. I remember crying my eyes out in the arena bathroom trying to scrub my skin, to try and make myself feel clean. It wasn’t like a small spit wad. It was like… a mouth full of disgusting spit that hit my face and ran down my face onto my neck and my clothing because there was so much of it.

I told the league they shouldn’t expect people to be there if they cannot protect the people who are there. I told the league that if they don’t take hard stances on behaviour like that, they’re as culpable for the behaviour as the person who commits it. Yeah, behaviour might be learned, but that doesn’t mean it has to be accepted.

The league basically black-listed me. Which was fine. I wasn’t going back there again.

As for what happened to the player… in late 2018 he was arrested for pushing his pregnant girlfriend down a flight of stairs.

In 2019 he was arrested again for kidnapping his child causing a nation-wide amber alert to go out and ended up ‘on the run’ for just 48 hours before they police caught up with him.

Currently he’s serving a two year jail sentence. After he was arrested for kidnapping his baby, his girlfriend came forward with allegations of continued physical assault throughout the relationship that included statements like her saying she was punched so hard she actually lost two of her teeth.

In 2019 when he went to jail the league, who had allowed him to play all throughout his troubles with the law (spitting, hitting a police officer, pushing his girlfriend down the stairs), finally made a public statement about him.

It was your standard run of the mill PR Bullshit.

‘We’re so shocked to learn of the actions of [player’s name]. We’re sending our complete support to [his ex-girlfriend] and [his child] during this troubling time and we want everyone to know that we do not condone these actions, or domestic violence of any kind.’

Now, I’m not saying this night set off a chain reaction of events in his life that led to him pushing his pregnant girlfriend down the stairs and subsequently kidnapping his baby. He clearly has anger issues and has clearly had them for a lot longer than I’ve ever bared witness to. That being said, an arena full of people watched him take his skate off of his foot and use the blade to physically try and slice someone’s neck. The chief of police watched him spit directly into my face as a form of trying to intimidate me, and two police officers had to physically hold him back, one of which ended up getting punched in the process.

If a league isn’t willing to take a stance on that behaviour, why do they get to play the ‘we had no idea it was this bad’ after this player’s behaviour makes national news.

They knew what he was like. They made excuses for it. They continued to pay him and cover his actions, that continued to the point where a pregnant woman was pushed down a flight of stairs and a baby was kidnapped.

You know that saying ‘birds of a feather flock together’? I kind of feel like this applies to people. If you’re covering up someone’s shiteous actions for years, quite literally until it makes national news and you just can’t anymore, are you not culpable? I mean, you might not have committed the actions yourself but you knew what was happening you saw hard evidence as to what was happening and heard what was going on behind the scenes… hell WE ALL HEARD. Rather than giving the player ramifications for his actions, they covered them. They swept them under the rug. They kept paying him and making him feel as though his behaviour was okay.

Quite frankly I think he got off easy only getting two years. I really hope that his ex-girlfriend has taken their child and started over somewhere new. I hope she’s not waiting for him to get out. People like that… they need more help than any one person can provide. People like that, they will likely continue to be a part of ‘the system’ for the rest of their life. People like that never seem to think they have a problem.

Anyways, that’s the story of the time someone spit in my face.

People say I overreacted. I really don’t think I did. Some people think being spit on is not a big deal, I personally think it’s one of the most disrespectful and degrading things you can do to a person. Also, it’s disgusting. It is. It makes you feel unclean. It makes you feel gross and it makes you feel less than human.

A little bit of peace.

After months of infighting my uncle(F) has provided notice to our family that he will no longer continue contesting my uncle’s(K) will. He has let us know that he’s called off his lawyers and will allow the process to proceed without their trying to intervene.

The move comes after my dad made a visit to see my uncle(F) this long weekend. I’m not too sure what happened, but whatever my dad said it seems to have worked.

Hopefully this means the arguing, the name calling, the nasty emails, the nasty phone calls, the everything can stop.

Hopefully, fingers crossed, the lawyers can continue fulfilling my uncle’s(K) final wishes. Hopefully the only lawyers to be involved from here on out are the one’s trusted with fullfilling my uncle’s(K) final wishes. Hopefully there’s no more fighting. Hopefully people choose to remember my uncle(K) for the incredible man he was, rather than how much money he made.

A glimmer of hope

Well I woke up to a nice surprise this morning. I was officially approved for EI and actually had money in my bank account when I woke up today. As someone who’s had roughly $50-$100 to my name for the past six plus months, seeing money in my bank account is a huge sigh of relief that I’m very thankful for at this point in time.

I also woke up to a second surprise this morning. The engineering firm that I was interviewing with in early late February/early March has decided that, though they’re not back at their office yet, they want to move ahead with recruitment as a measure to have someone hired to start when they do return to their offices. They’ve asked if I can do a video interview next week. I presumed that they were either going to forget about me, or cancel the posting because businesses have to be very careful with their spending in this present economy and hiring a new employee is a large investment. They still want to talk to me though… two months later… so they haven’t forgotten about me yet.

Two good things happened in one day.

I almost don’t know how to contain myself.