Fighting my inner demons.

I’m not crazy. At least not clinically so. But I, like many, have a little voice in my head that likes to fill my mind with self-doubt, insecurity and fear. Fear of now, fear of the future, fear of the unknown and sometimes fear of absolutely nothing at all.

Over the years I’ve come to learn that one my biggest flaws is my ability to to doubt myself. I don’t know why I have this negative voice, or how it got so powerful, but, one of my goals for 2019 is to quiet that voice.

Just two months into the year and I do believe I’ve been making a strong effort unleash my inner positivity. And I’m not going to lie, it’s been a real struggle. With all that’s going on, it’s really easy for me to look at the negative. It’s really easy for me to be sad, depressed, anxious or just hate the day all around. I don’t want to stay that person, though.

So, I have been making some changes in my life. I have stopped drinking caffeine at night. I have been making an effort to exercise, at least a small amount, every day. I’ve started challenging myself to do things that make me anxious. I’ve been spending more time with Knight, and with my family, and around people who life up me, and people who believe in me. 2018 was filled with so much negativity for me that I cut a lot of people out of my life. I realized that they were simply just too hard for me to be around.

I’ve been taking it day by day, and will continue to do so in spite of not all days are good, and it’s helping. I am trying my very best. And it’s helping my overall being. I can feel it. Each day that voice of doubt, pain and anger is getting smaller and smaller.

Here’s to hoping I can keep this up. Because I want to be in a good place. I want more for myself and my future, and I don’t want to let my inner doubt win any longer.