So, my least favourite cousin called today. I haven’t spoken to her in several years, so it made a lot of sense that she called solely to ask me for something.
After she asked me for a favour, she asked the token ‘so how’ve you been doing?’ I gave her enough to make her say ‘that’s great’ but not enough to let her actually know what’s been happening in my life, since I know she doesn’t care anyway.
Then she went on to say ‘Well me, I’m going to get pregnant soon!’
‘That’s great?!’ I said half questioning it, half trying to understand what her motivation was in saying ‘I’m going to get pregnant’.
‘Well, I think it’s time’. She said. ‘Let’s face it, I’m never going to get a boyfriend hotter than Braeden,’
I’ll admit. I stumbled on the phone. I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to the statement when she said it, because this was just so stupid I couldn’t believe it came out of her mouth.
‘That’s nice that you and Braeden are planning for your future!?’ I said, questioning but also trying to sound happy for her.
‘Oh, Braeden doesn’t know!’ She exclaimed. ‘I stopped taking my birth control a few weeks back. He’s going to be so surprised!’
At this point in time I was like ‘Uhhh, can you give me his number so I can tell Braeden?’ Though I was being dead serious, she clearly thought I was kidding because her response was ‘So you don’t feel pressured to have a baby? I mean it’s about time. You’re getting so old.’
The rest of the conversation was me trying to lecture her out of this stupid idea and telling her that getting pregnant was not going to make her boyfriend stay with her forever. Inevitably, the remainder of the conversation was short because she got pissed off at my logic and decided to end the conversation.
I think she was hoping for me to respond with ‘Oh my god, I’m so happy for you!’ Or something of the sort. So when I told her it was a bad idea, she likely wasn’t very impressed with me.
Right now I don’t know what to do. All I really want to do is reach out to people to see if I can find Braeden’s phone number. I know it’s not cool to insert yourself into other people’s relationships, but damn, shouldn’t someone give him the heads up?
Trying to ‘trap a man’ by getting pregnant is literally the STUPIDEST IDEA EVER. Firstly, it’s 2019, not 1950. Gone are the days when people feel obligated to stay with someone solely because they share a child with them. Secondly, if you’re going to to tell him of your intentions to get pregnant, there’s clearly something else lacking in your relationship that needs fixing… that bringing a child into this world is not going to fix.
I love babies. And all babies deserve to be loved. And I’m guessing if she did get pregnant then her boyfriend would love this kid unconditionally, because from what I’ve heard of this guy, he’s a pretty good dude. But imagine that kid, fifteen years from now, learning that his/her mom got pregnant because ‘she wasn’t going to find a hotter boyfriend’. Like… I cannot wrap my head around the sheer idiocy of this.
I’ll go ahead and say this, without qualms or hesitation: it is never a good idea to intentionally get pregnant as a means to try to trap your boyfriend/spouse/partner.
And let me be abundantly clear here, there’s a difference between an unplanned pregnancy and a pregnancy which someone plans and does not tell the other partner.
A baby is not going to fix your relationship issues. And, could quite possibly put more of a rift between them if/when he learns what you’re doing. A baby is not going to make a relationship last forever. A baby is not going to be the solution to whatever it is you’re missing in your life. I’ve heard that from enough parents to know. Also, imagine the pressure you’re putting on that poor, innocent little baby in this scenario. There is a small percentage chance that a partner could learn all of this information and a relationship still work afterwards and they be together long term, but I really don’t see there being a large change of that happening, at all.
Getting pregnant to trap a man is a horrible, horrible, horrible idea. And also, your partner’s hotness should not be motivation for reproduction. And also, it’s lying, it’s manipulative and it’s unfair to both the boyfriend and the future potential child.
If this is a plan, then there are other options. Go see a relationship therapist. Or, go see a therapist on your own. Get some help. I’ve tried to talk to my cousin since our phone conversation but since she didn’t like my words this afternoon, she’s been ignoring me.
* Note – I know the scenario goes both ways and there are times when men try to do this to. I’m speaking of it from the female perspective solely because of what my cousin told me today.
What would you do if someone told you they were intentionally planning to get pregnant without their partner’s knowledge?
Edit: After writing this and then reading it through, I have since decided to email and text my aunt (cousin’s mom) to ask her if she could provide me with Braeden’s phone number.