Operation Positivity

Kootenay National Park, British Columbia, Canada

I did this a few weeks back and it really helped with my outlook. This week, I’m making it my goal to be positive. I’m going to think positively, see the glass as half full and try to see the good moments, no matter how small I might think they are.

Today I am grateful that I’m not going to work for a boss who treats people so poorly and I’m hopeful for the future. I’m hopeful that things will change, turnaround, pick up for the better.

Today I am going to make the conscious effort to smile. And I look forward to one day not having to make the effort because smiling will just come naturally. Because being happy will be a reality, not a desire. Because things will have worked out for me. Because I didn’t give up hope when it mattered most.

It’s Monday… let’s do this world.

Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution.

The time, 11:49 pm. The mood, content. The setting: perched at the edge of the couch, watching the sun dip behind the trees, saying goodnight to another peaceful day.

I’m reaching the end of the week that I dubbed my week of positivity. It was my goal to, for the week, all week, stay positive. And let me tell you, it wasn’t easy. It definitely wasn’t. I consider myself a realist by nature, so staring down the barrel of some particularly crappy situations and choosing to not let it get the better of you, it’s tough. But, I’m here to say that it is do-able.

As mentioned in a post earlier on this week, my mom’s healthy. Which that, that is reason enough to be eternally thankful.

Other positive things that happened this week? I’ve been babysitting my brother’s dog for the past couple of days. He’s actually done a lot for brightening my mood. I was trying to pin point why this dog was making me so happy and it was really my brother that hit the nail on the head with why Jaxon (the dog) is so nice to have around.

“Jaxon is really growing on me!” I texted him.

“Yeah, he’s a pretty great dog to have around. He listens well and he just always seems to be in a good mood.” He texted back.

That’s it. That’s it right there. This dog is always in a good mood. He’s always got a ‘dog smile’ on his face. He wags his tail like he’s excited to be everywhere and involved in anything. He loves attention but he also loves when we leave him alone. He prances around like he doesn’t weigh 100 pounds and he’s totally unaware that there’s anything bad in this world. I realize that I sound crazy as I’m talking about a dog in this way, but it’s just… so heartwarming to be around him. I truly believe that pets make us better. And this dog, he definitely has made me better this week.

One thing that has been an extremely important mood booster to me this week was all of the introductions that I got to read on my blog. Making a post asking for introductions, I wasn’t really sure what I was going to get. Honestly, I was expecting maybe five-to-ten people to respond, tops. The responses that I got were really overwhelming. It was so special to me to be able to read about so many of you, and to learn more. Thank you, thank you, thank you. This space, this wordpress world, has been such a safe space for me over the past six months. My mind is truly blown with how many wonderful people I’ve crossed paths with on wordpress. Honestly, if I could go back in time, I would tell myself to make a wordpress account a lot sooner than I did.

Another moment that was extremely important during my week was taking my niece and nephew out for slurpees. B and V (she’s V too as she’s named after me) went to get slurpees/screamers, and as we were walking to the till with their cups full of sugar, B patted me on the arm and said ‘Auntie, thank you so much!’ Naturally, I asked him why he was thanking me. His response: ‘Because you just make things so much better. You make me feel better and you make everything better. It’s so nice to have you around. And I’m not just saying that because you’re buying me ice cream’. I nearly teared up there in the store. I didn’t, because he’s 10 and would totally make fun of me for that. But I wanted to. Such a nice compliment from a ten year old kid. If he get understand that now, at 10, imagine what he’s going to be like when he grows up!

There’s definitely been some negative things happening. There’s definitely been some things that made me anxious and scared. But, overall, I would say that I made some serious headway in being able to deal with those things, cope with those things or completely see past those things.

The power of positivity is real.

I’ve decided that I’m going to start leaving notes about things that I like about myself on the end of my blog posts. Why? I’m trying to boos my own self-esteem, so I want to think of more positives. I also think that it’ll be nice, when I look back on these posts one day in the future, to be able to see that I ended each post with a positive note. So, here goes:

I really like my eyes. They’re a really nice ocean-blue colour and I get complimented on them a lot. I don’t mean that in a cocky way, I just mean that of all the things people can be complimented on, I’m frequently complimented as having beautiful eyes. They definitely are attention grabbing when you see me.

Summer Solstice is knocking at the door.

Today is day three of my week of positivity.

When it comes to life in Northern Canada, there are two really important days of the year: summer solstice (the longest day of the year) and winter solstice (the shortest day of the year). These days are how we measure seasons, they’re landmarks for the year.

Okay, let me go back to fourth grade geography for a hot minute. The earth rotates around the sun. During the winter months, the North Pole is tilted furthest from the sun making for days with minimal daylight (sun rises at 10 am and starts setting around 2 pm). During the summer months, the North Pole is tilted closest to the sun, making for some exceptionally long days where it seems as though the sun doesn’t fully disappear.

This time of year, here in the North, the sun rises around 3 am and sets around 11 pm. Summer solstice (the longest day of the year) is Friday, June 21. It’s summer’s way of knocking at the door and saying ‘I’m here! Come outside and enjoy life!’

This summer, I want to:

  • Get a full-time job (Preferably in Calgary, but I won’t be picky)
  • Go to Vancouver, at least once, to see my best friend and her babies
  • Hike the Ancient Forest
  • Meet my new niece or nephew (who should be arriving into this world any day now)
  • Get myself a new phone
  • Possibly invest in a camera so I can start taking photos of the beautiful places I see every day
  • Exercise at least five days of every week
  • Create a new Millennial Life Crisis design to make myself some new t-shirts

I’m putting my intentions for the summer in in writing. The process of writing your goals helps you clarify what you desire to do, understand the importance of pursuing them and commit yourself to making them happen. Goals have value only if they help you develop and improve your potential.

Summer is coming, and I’m trying to start it off on a happy note. This week of positivity has been one that hasn’t always been easy, but I’m holding onto the fact that I’m at least trying. The only way to accomplish a goal is to keep going and keep trying.

I will say, the world is a lot easier to see in a positive light when you get a good night’s sleep. Knight sent me another package of Fadeout, which is a supplement that I use to sleep. It’s the first sleep aid that I’ve ever used that genuinely helps me fall asleep and stay asleep. As someone who has always struggled with sleeping, this is HUGE for me.

Get a good night’s sleep! It’s so important. It regenerates your body, allows your skin to regenerate itself, helps you with symptoms of depression and anxiety, helps with your patience, allows you to be more alert and full of energy.

Fighting my inner demons.

I’m not crazy. At least not clinically so. But I, like many, have a little voice in my head that likes to fill my mind with self-doubt, insecurity and fear. Fear of now, fear of the future, fear of the unknown and sometimes fear of absolutely nothing at all.

Over the years I’ve come to learn that one my biggest flaws is my ability to to doubt myself. I don’t know why I have this negative voice, or how it got so powerful, but, one of my goals for 2019 is to quiet that voice.

Just two months into the year and I do believe I’ve been making a strong effort unleash my inner positivity. And I’m not going to lie, it’s been a real struggle. With all that’s going on, it’s really easy for me to look at the negative. It’s really easy for me to be sad, depressed, anxious or just hate the day all around. I don’t want to stay that person, though.

So, I have been making some changes in my life. I have stopped drinking caffeine at night. I have been making an effort to exercise, at least a small amount, every day. I’ve started challenging myself to do things that make me anxious. I’ve been spending more time with Knight, and with my family, and around people who life up me, and people who believe in me. 2018 was filled with so much negativity for me that I cut a lot of people out of my life. I realized that they were simply just too hard for me to be around.

I’ve been taking it day by day, and will continue to do so in spite of not all days are good, and it’s helping. I am trying my very best. And it’s helping my overall being. I can feel it. Each day that voice of doubt, pain and anger is getting smaller and smaller.

Here’s to hoping I can keep this up. Because I want to be in a good place. I want more for myself and my future, and I don’t want to let my inner doubt win any longer.