More COVID, le sigh.

The only time I’ve left my house in the past several weeks is to just drive. I don’t get out of my car. I don’t really do anything other than drive… to see sights that aren’t my house, even if it’s just ten minutes.

The truth is, my anxiety is keeping me from doing much of anything these days. One of my guilty pleasures in life is Pepsi (it’s 100% better than Coke so don’t even try to argue with me on that one) and I can’t even get up the nerve to walk into a gas station to get some. I won’t go into the grocery store, and since you have to order $35 dollars worth of stuff on Instacart before they can process your order, I’ve been going without until it’s time to get groceries.

Yeah, I know… no Pepsi. Boo-freaking-who, what a horrible problem.

Honestly, stay at home isn’t awful. And it hasn’t been awful. The problem is the fear.

The government in this province has just decided that if they ask people nicely to stay home then restrictions aren’t necessary. As such, we’re the only province in the country without a mask-mandate. We’re also consistently breaking our COVID positivity rates each day. Tonight on the news they said that there have been more confirmed cases of COVID in the past three days in this province then there were in the first three months after the pandemic was officially declared by the WHO.

I mean… I guess we’re winning at something right? Testing positive?

I’m too anxious to go anywhere. I’m too anxious to do anything.

Every time our Premier opens his mouth I’m reminded of the saying ‘it’s better to have someone think you’re an idiot than to open your mouth and remove all doubt in their mind’. He’s an idiot. He is. He won’t mandate masks, the simplest, easiest fucking thing to do during this pandemic, because he believes it infringes on people’s basic human rights to live freely. While the rest of the country is in various stages of lockdowns and closures to try and slow the spread and not put such a strain on their health care system, he’s advocating for the laying off of 11,000 health care workers and to putting portable buildings in hospital parking lots for overflow. Some hospitals in this province are at 135 percent capacity and his response is ‘They went into health care to help people, so now’s the time for them to step up’.

No. You fucking moron. No.

You wouldn’t tell everyone to set fire to their homes because firefighters go into fire fighting to put out fires.

We’re consistently pushing over 1,000 cases per day, and that’s with the ‘voluntary measures’ they trust the public will follow. They have so many positive cases at the moment that they cannot even contact-trace. They’ve said they’re going to hire 400 people to do contact tracing to get a better hold on where spread is coming. Because, you know, he did promise ‘JOBS, JOBS, JOBS’ when he was running for election. At least he’s holding true to one of his fucking promises.

I can live without manicures and hair cuts. I can live without window shopping. I can live without the gym. I can even live without seeing family at Christmas. But, we’ve reached a 6.9 percent infection rate. Why do we have a play a game of how many people can we infect?

I’m worried people are letting their guards down with all of this news about a vaccine. The truth is, while a vaccine may come in early 2020, it’ll be months and months before regular folk are able to get it. Health care workers will get it first, as they should. Seniors and high-risk professions will get it next. Then politicians. Then, you know the most privileged of society. It could be July or August before the majority of the population is able to get it. Hearing a press release that a vaccine is coming doesn’t mean that we get to let our guards down now.

The bottom line is that I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere soon.

Hopefully in three years when the next election rolls around people will remember how thousands of health care workers, and specifically emergency room doctors, begged and pleaded with the government to put some restrictions in place that would stop people from getting sick and the government turned to the television and said ‘People have a right to live freely and get sick if they so choose’ and ‘That’s why you went into health care so stop complaining’. Okay, I’m paraphrasing on that ‘get sick if they so choose’ part, but it pretty much was a giant kick in the teeth to anyone who’s a health care worker in this province.

If you can’t tell, this stuff makes me really angry.

Doctors are saying they’re nearing a point where they’re going to have to choose which people to save and where to divert their resources because they’re stretch so thin. The government is like ‘Meh. I don’t have it so I don’t care’ and the general public is just like ‘Meh. Let’s go to a party’.

Okay, I’m done ranting now.

If anyone knows how to talk some sense into the human race, please let me know. Also, and this is so dumb, if anyone knows how to get Pepsi without going into a store, without needing the $35 order minimum, please share your wisdom with me.

Okay, one more thing.

I realize my ability to stay home comes from a place of privilege. I realize that a lot of people in this world work jobs that don’t allow them to stay at home. I just also know that we have had large subsidies to help people get through this pandemic in Canada and that the option is there for more, if the government were to decide to enact on it. The federal government offered $2,000 per person per month. The provincial government offered $1,000 on top of that. They imposed rent freezes. They imposed regulations stopped any landlord from being able to evict someone from a rental property during lockdown. The banks postponed mortgage payments and credit card payments for clients. I guess, I just… I think if they really wanted to look out for everyone, if they really wanted to act like the elected leadership they are, they’d do more than tell health care workers they’re complaining and it’s not that bad.

Also, I didn’t start this job I’m at now until the end of May (just a few days before June) so I went through three months of lockdown using these government subsidies to get by. So I’m well aware of what it’s like.

Okay, I’m really done now.

Sorry for all of the complaining.

Rant, rant, rant

A physician was on the news tonight to say that the time to act for a circuit breaker lockdown as a measure to slow the spread of corona virus is now. He went on to say that we cannot expect, nor even hope for, people to do the right thing for the greater good. He said that if the past few months have taught us anything, people aren’t going to do what’s right for everyone, they’re going to live for themselves.

I agree with him.

We’ve had more than 700 cases a day for weeks now, lately earning 900 – 1,100 a day.

It’s clear that people don’t give a rats ass about this pandemic.

Point proven if you watch YouTube. People are using positive tests for COVID as clickbait to get views. One family, known on YouTube as 8 Passengers, celebrated the father getting COVID by having him purposefully infect all of their children. Not only that but they sent their children to school after the father was diagnosed, before they were, forcing an unknown number of children from their kid’s schools into isolation and laughing about having done that in their video.

People are inherently selfish.

They don’t seem to care about anyone but themselves.

Can you imagine being a health care worker right now? Working your ass off every single day to try and keep people alive to hear that people are bragging on YouTube about how many people they exposed themselves too? Watching the government say that restrictions infringe on people’s rights to live freely? More like restrictions infringe on people’s rights to infect others freely.

More than 400 health care workers signed a single letter to our provincial government asking him for some restrictions to slow the spread of the virus. The government’s response was to make last call for alcohol in bars at 11 o clock, make sure places of worship can only operate at 1/3 capacity. Meanwhile, the premier himself happens to be in isolation because he couldn’t even follow his own guidelines and social distance.

But people will do better.

People will do better, right? Right?

The family drama continues

Since we lost my Uncle K earlier this year, my Uncle F has been a giant pain in everyone’s ass. He’s sought to make all of our lives miserable and he’s sparing no one in the process.

First, he tried to have me removed as executor of the will. He was trying to prove that I manipulated Uncle K into making me executor of the will.

Next he tried to have my cousins and I removed from the will itself. Uncle K had made sure to leave each of his family members in the will. EVERYONE. From his brothers and sister, right down to his great niece and nephew. Uncle F decided that if he could get everyone removed from the will except for his siblings, he’d get a lot more money.

Uncle F also stole Uncle K’s car because the rest of his siblings wanted the car to be given to my cousin Tara. Uncle F didn’t want Tara to have the car, he wanted to sell the car for profit. So, he stole it in the middle of the night and hid it, only to be found at a later date when he tried to sell it and wasn’t legally able to do so.

There was a period of about five months there that everything we tried to do to contribute to the closing of Uncle K’s estate was halted, delayed or outright stopped because Uncle F was being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole.

LOTS of petty bullshit went on. Every time that we made any progress Uncle F would send his lawyers out for blood. I don’t know if he just didn’t understand or if he was specifically trying to be an asshole for the sole purpose of being an asshole, but he was paying lawyers to halt the lawyers from fulfilling Uncle K’s final wishes. Uncle K’s estate is paying the lawyers, so every time he sent his personal lawyers after them, he was essentially lessening the inheritance we would get from his brother’s estate.

About three weeks before Uncle K’s memorial in September my father decided to put an end to it. He went to see Uncle F and words were had. I’m not really sure what happened or what was said because my father still hasn’t talked about it, but what I do remember is that my father told me from that point forward Uncle F would not interrupt any more.

Seeing Uncle F at the funeral was pretty awkward. He wasn’t mean and he didn’t cause a scene but he looked at everyone and sulked a lot like a toddler who’d just been told they couldn’t stay up late. Thankfully the fact that everything was exceptionally distanced that day meant that no one really needed to talk to him. He basically sat off to the side and pouted.

Fast forward to now.

The sale of Uncle K’s house was supposed to go through this past week. I say it was supposed to go through because, had everything been able to happen as was, we wouldn’t own it anymore.

Uncle F sent his lawyers to temporarily halt the sale of the home. Why? He doesn’t think we’re selling it for enough money and thus he’s arguing we’re undercutting his inheritance. Apparently if we just held out and waited we could sell the home for a lot more.

I’m utterly convinced he’s doing this when he’s doing this specifically to cause the most annoyance possible. He didn’t have anything to say when the offer came in. He didn’t have anything to say at any point during the negotiation process. Contracts are being finalized and how he’s trying to prove we’re trying to undercut his inheritance?

Uncle K’s lawyers don’t seem to think this will take too long. They think it’ll be wrapped up in a week or two.

I’m just so… annoyed.

As of right now it’s estimated that the siblings share of the inheritance should be between $100,000 – $150,000 each. This asshole is over here saying ‘STOP THE SALE. I WANT MORE MONEY!’

Of course he is. He’s a greedy SOB. There’s a reason why Uncle K chose a niece and two nephews to be executors to his will over any of his siblings.

I want to drive to his house and punch him in the face. That might sound aggressive, but at this point I feel it warranted.

Stupid vacuum

The Dyson Vacuum in this house has stopped working. The Dyson Vacuum that belongs to the landlord, I feel the need to add.

I’m sitting here worried that I’ve broken an $800 vacuum.

I’ve read the support center of the Dyson website. I’ve watched at least a dozen YouTube videos of people explaining how to fix it. I’ve taken it apart and put it back together. It’s still not working.

I feel so defeated when it comes to things like this. I just cannot fix it. I don’t know how. Despite trying to tell myself that I can do anything I put my mind to, I really cannot.

I’m aware this is a first world problem. I guess life is good if all I’m worried about is a stupid vacuum.

Quadruple the COVID

COVID cases around here have quadrupled in the past seven days.

Quadrupled.

Thanksgiving was just too important to skip. It was just too important that people couldn’t stay home. They had to get together. They had to celebrate together.

Well, I hope it was worth it. Quadruple the cases and snow on the ground, below freezing temperatures making it hard for people to be outside… I can do the math here and it’s not looking good for us. I hope that everyone who just had to get together for Thanksgiving enjoyed themselves because from the looks of things, Christmas is going to fucking suck because of it.

And, if anyone is following trends, we quadrupled cases in seven days thanks in large part due to Thanksgiving dinner gatherings. There’s no ‘Black Friday’ in Canada. Canadians don’t cram into shopping malls just hours after eating to buy everything in eyesight. I don’t want to sound like a downer, but if I’m being realistic, I highly doubt every retail outlet, store and shopping mall in the United States would have to close and stay closed on Black Friday. November is likely going to be a very dark and sucky month.

Okay, rant over.

Well… shit

Yesterday, in this province, we broke the record for positive cases in a single day since the start of the pandemic. Today we broke yesterday’s record.

I would like it stated, for the record, that I am NOT for this ‘well if we all catch it then we’ll be good’ mentality. As someone who lives with an autoimmune condition, I really would prefer to not ‘risk it’ and hope for the best. Maybe that’s just me, though…

Healthy people need to realize that they’re harming everyone if they have a nonchalant attitude about this. Cancer patients are being told they can’t have their treatments because it’s too much of a risk. Surgeries, necessary surgeries are being postponed because it’s not safe. People who need to rely on the health care system are being told that they can’t because selfish people need to throw wedding receptions and retirement parties.

Enough, I say. Enough.

#Rant

Trump’s answer to what is happening in his country is to send in the military and the national guard? What… are you going to round up several million people and lock them in jail cells to spread corona virus to one another? I don’t understand…

And then he says: “One Beautiful Law!”

What the fuck does that even mean?

Listening to this man talk drives me bonkers. Can someone tell him to stay inside? What the United States needs right now is competent leadership and that ain’t it…

Racism is ruining us

Watching the video of George Floyd being murdered in broad daylight, by police officers, made me sick to my stomach.

I cried.

Watching the video of Amy Cooper borderline strangling her dog as she weaponized Christian Cooper’s race during a 911 call that she worked herself into a literal frenzy as a means to blatantly lie to dispatchers because she was asked to put her dog on a leash really pissed me off. She knew exactly what she was doing when she made that fucking phone call. What she was hoping for in making that call? I don’t know. But she knew the moment the words ‘African American Male’ came from her mouth, the law was ‘on her side’ so to speak.

That is white privilege.

That is deeply rooted, systemic racism that exists and is rampant in our society today.

What happened to George Floyd could have very well happened to Christian Cooper all because he was out watching birds and he wanted a woman to put her dog on a leash.

Lately, I find myself getting more and more angry with the human race. We’ve become so accustomed to hearing stories like Ahmaud Arbery being murdered while out for a jog because, and I cannot make this shit up, ‘he looked like a thief’, that people are becoming immune to caring. They’re becoming immune to giving a damn.

Breonna Taylor was an EMT who was shot eight times in her own fucking apartment by police officers. She was at home. At home. Home is supposed to be where you’re supposed to be safe.

So much has happened this year. So much has happened this week alone that it’s becoming so easy for people to just let this information go in one ear and out the other. And it’s easy for people to quickly forget. Because next week, there’ll be another story. There’ll be another Stephon Clark, Botham Jean and Trayvon Martin next week, next month, next…

It sounds fucking awful when I say it, but it’s true.

I’m a Caucasian female who is fully aware of the privileges that the colour of my skin has awarded me in this life. I’m also fucking sick of this culture built around racism. I’m fucking sick of white people teaching white people to fear anyone of a different race. I’m sick of white people teaching white people that anyone who is not a white person is not worthy of basic human decency.

Stephon Clark was not holding a weapon, he was holding a cell phone when he was gunned down by police in his grandmother’s back yard. George Floyd was not resisting arrest, he was not holding a weapon he did nothing to warrant four police officers pinning him to the ground. Trayvon Martin’s crime? There wasn’t one.

I know that people don’t like it when I complain about Donald Trump but I need to add in a point here that the fish stinks from the head. The United States of America has had deeply rooted issues with racism for decades, I am aware of this. But Donald Trump, he emboldens racists. He gives them platforms for which to believe their behaviour is acceptable, just and moral, when it is not.

Last month we watched hundreds of people storm the capitol building of various states across the United States protesting stay at home orders that were established to keep those very people protesting safe and healthy. Did they do it with signs and sit-ins in a peaceful protest? No, the brought their assault rifles and bullet proof armour putting each of their own lives, and the lives of every essential work at risk. Donald Trump touted them as very fine people who wanted to go back to work.

This month people are protesting the murder of a man in broad daylight by a police officer and Donald Trump is touting them as ‘thugs’ and threatening to send in the National Guard. I’m not excusing the behaviour that is going on in Minneapolis right now. I’m not saying that burning buildings is correct. But I am saying that I understand it. And I am saying they’re not thugs. Justice is not on their side. Justice is not on the side of an unarmed black man who was not resisting arrest and just needed the fucking police to not be crushing his wind pipe.

The underlying difference between these two months and the protests ensuing? The demographic of protestors.

Why does being black make you a thug? Why does being black make you become someone that the world should fear? Why are people teaching that the colour of your skin determines your value in this world? And why are there so many fucking people avoiding the subject?

My heart breaks for George Floyd’s family. My heart breaks for the families of Ahmaud Arbery, Botham Jean, Breonna Taylor, Trayvon Martin, Stephon Clark, and every innocent life that has been lost due to deep, systemic racism rooted in a society that values your life based on the colour of your skin.

We shouldn’t be this society. We should be so much better than this. We need to educate one another and instill better values in one another. We cannot continue to tolerate this as a society. No one race is superior to another.

This is unrelated to what’s going on in the United States right now, but there’s been a sharp spike in hate crimes against people of Asian descent here in Canada in recent months. When I say a sharp spike, I mean it’s one of the top stories on the news each and every night. Property vandalized, people bullied, assaulted or worse, racial slurs popping up what feels like everywhere. It’s alarming. It’s alarming because it’s such a slippery slope. We sat at the dinner table tonight and my mom naively said ‘that’ll never happen here because we’re not American’, to which I replied ‘Racism is racism, regardless of the scale to which it’s being executed, and you should be careful what you say because it’s a very slippery slope from someone assaulting a 91 year old Vietnamese man out for a walk around the block, to what the United States is presently dealing with’.

Dinner was abruptly ended.

Am I sorry for what I said to her? No.

Difficult discussions need to be had. People need to realize that sweeping generalizations are crushing our society and sending us into a deeper spiral of racism, vitriol, hatred and violence.

I’m angry at the news lately. I’m angry because of the people causing the news lately. I’m angry that a woman damn well knows that if she works herself into a frenzy on the phone with 911 and uses the term ‘African American Man’ then the law will be on her side.

I’m just angry with it all.

I haven’t wanted to talk about it because I don’t want to argue with people. But at the same time, part of me feels as though discussions are more important than sweeping it aside and waiting for the next occurrence to happen. Because lately, it seems like it’s day by day, sometimes hour by hour, that these things are coming to light.

And I’m so fucking thankful that people are filming these incidents now.

As hard as it is to watch, I think that’s important for our world to see just how bad it’s gotten, just how low we are. I think it’s important for it to be on record, for the footage to be right in front of our eyes.

As much as I know so many people will just let it go in one ear and out the other, I really hope that these types of videos serve as a wake-up call.

When people suck.

Why do people have to fight when someone passes away? Why can’t they just get along, remember the person in the way which they deserve and fulfill their final wishes? Why does it always have to be about money?

‘Well I bet you’re happy about the giant pay day you’re about to come into!’ Someone who knows my parents says to me today and laughs while they execute the ‘making it rain’ gesture with their hands. Mature, I know.

Why kind of a heartless person says/does stuff like this?

No. I’m not excited. I’d rather still have my uncle around and I’m damn fucking sure that my parents and all of my brothers would say the same thing. His estate could be worth $10 or 10 billion dollars, it doesn’t fucking matter. No amount of money is worth the loss to our family and the fact that all of my Uncles, Aunts and Cousins are fighting with one another.

No one ever asks to lose a loved one. This money isn’t something we’re celebrating. The estate won’t even be settled for at least two years. But hey, apparently people think we’re laughing all the way to the bank… Why do people always make it about money?

We still haven’t even been issued a death certificate due to backup because of COVID-19.