Getting pregnant to ‘trap a man’ is THE WORST IDEA ever.

So, my least favourite cousin called today. I haven’t spoken to her in several years, so it made a lot of sense that she called solely to ask me for something.

After she asked me for a favour, she asked the token ‘so how’ve you been doing?’ I gave her enough to make her say ‘that’s great’ but not enough to let her actually know what’s been happening in my life, since I know she doesn’t care anyway.

Then she went on to say ‘Well me, I’m going to get pregnant soon!’

‘That’s great?!’ I said half questioning it, half trying to understand what her motivation was in saying ‘I’m going to get pregnant’.

‘Well, I think it’s time’. She said. ‘Let’s face it, I’m never going to get a boyfriend hotter than Braeden,’

Umm…. what?

I’ll admit. I stumbled on the phone. I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to the statement when she said it, because this was just so stupid I couldn’t believe it came out of her mouth.

‘That’s nice that you and Braeden are planning for your future!?’ I said, questioning but also trying to sound happy for her.

‘Oh, Braeden doesn’t know!’ She exclaimed. ‘I stopped taking my birth control a few weeks back. He’s going to be so surprised!’

At this point in time I was like ‘Uhhh, can you give me his number so I can tell Braeden?’ Though I was being dead serious, she clearly thought I was kidding because her response was ‘So you don’t feel pressured to have a baby? I mean it’s about time. You’re getting so old.’

The rest of the conversation was me trying to lecture her out of this stupid idea and telling her that getting pregnant was not going to make her boyfriend stay with her forever. Inevitably, the remainder of the conversation was short because she got pissed off at my logic and decided to end the conversation.

I think she was hoping for me to respond with ‘Oh my god, I’m so happy for you!’ Or something of the sort. So when I told her it was a bad idea, she likely wasn’t very impressed with me.

Right now I don’t know what to do. All I really want to do is reach out to people to see if I can find Braeden’s phone number. I know it’s not cool to insert yourself into other people’s relationships, but damn, shouldn’t someone give him the heads up?

Trying to ‘trap a man’ by getting pregnant is literally the STUPIDEST IDEA EVER. Firstly, it’s 2019, not 1950. Gone are the days when people feel obligated to stay with someone solely because they share a child with them. Secondly, if you’re going to to tell him of your intentions to get pregnant, there’s clearly something else lacking in your relationship that needs fixing… that bringing a child into this world is not going to fix.

I love babies. And all babies deserve to be loved. And I’m guessing if she did get pregnant then her boyfriend would love this kid unconditionally, because from what I’ve heard of this guy, he’s a pretty good dude. But imagine that kid, fifteen years from now, learning that his/her mom got pregnant because ‘she wasn’t going to find a hotter boyfriend’. Like… I cannot wrap my head around the sheer idiocy of this.

I’ll go ahead and say this, without qualms or hesitation: it is never a good idea to intentionally get pregnant as a means to try to trap your boyfriend/spouse/partner.

And let me be abundantly clear here, there’s a difference between an unplanned pregnancy and a pregnancy which someone plans and does not tell the other partner.

A baby is not going to fix your relationship issues. And, could quite possibly put more of a rift between them if/when he learns what you’re doing. A baby is not going to make a relationship last forever. A baby is not going to be the solution to whatever it is you’re missing in your life. I’ve heard that from enough parents to know. Also, imagine the pressure you’re putting on that poor, innocent little baby in this scenario. There is a small percentage chance that a partner could learn all of this information and a relationship still work afterwards and they be together long term, but I really don’t see there being a large change of that happening, at all.

Getting pregnant to trap a man is a horrible, horrible, horrible idea. And also, your partner’s hotness should not be motivation for reproduction. And also, it’s lying, it’s manipulative and it’s unfair to both the boyfriend and the future potential child.

If this is a plan, then there are other options. Go see a relationship therapist. Or, go see a therapist on your own. Get some help. I’ve tried to talk to my cousin since our phone conversation but since she didn’t like my words this afternoon, she’s been ignoring me.

* Note – I know the scenario goes both ways and there are times when men try to do this to. I’m speaking of it from the female perspective solely because of what my cousin told me today.

What would you do if someone told you they were intentionally planning to get pregnant without their partner’s knowledge?

Edit: After writing this and then reading it through, I have since decided to email and text my aunt (cousin’s mom) to ask her if she could provide me with Braeden’s phone number.

Thoughts from 30,000 feet.

Can men and women be just friends? In 2019 it still seems as though the world really can’t grasp the concept of a man and a woman being friends without wanting more from one another. Platonic love does exist. Some friends are just there for you, to be there for you… regardless of what their gender is those desires to look after your friend are still the same.

Still, begrudgingly, the inquiries about ‘what really goes on’ between two people of the opposite sex as though a man and a woman can’t be in the same room alone with one another without tearing off their clothing.

I guess I should rephrase my question. Why can’t men and women be friends?

On ‘love’.

Even after all this time the sun never says to the earth, ‘You owe me.’ Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky.

Hafiz

I think that if you read this quote out to a classroom of people, every single person in the room would interpret it differently. That’s kind of what love is, though. When you really stop to think about it, everyone sees love in a different way. Everyone feels love in a different way. No two people love the same.

Perhaps the best thing we can do for ourselves with respect to love is to remember that no love is the same. That doesn’t mean it still can’t be the light of your life if you allow it.

All about a Knight in Shining Armour.

First and foremost, I went to the doctor this morning. I had mentioned last week that the Doctor phoned to tell me that I needed to speak with him about the results of my Autoimmune blood testing. The only appointment that I could get was for today, so, for the past week I have been sweating it out thinking every horrible option under the sun.

Got to my appointment this morning. All of my results were negative. Therefore, I still have no diagnosis. Furthermore, I am now angry and frustrated with the doctor for making me sweat for a week, only to find out that my tests were negative. Why couldn’t he tell me that over the phone?

Okay, I will leave that there. If I say more about that I’ll stay frustrated all day. So, switching gears….

Last July, I sat in one of my favourite bar’s in the world across from a handsome man, who I was meeting for the first time, and one of the first things he said to me was ‘You know, you are really pretty.’ Then he smiled sweetly and pushed his hand out across the table to hold mine.

For a first date, he was certainly winning me over quickly.

A week later he took me to a fair. That’s right – carnival games, ferris wheels, haunted houses, fake tattoos, the whole nine yards. It was possibly my favourite day of 2018.

Over the past eight months, Knight has proven himself to be the rock that stands behind you, beside you, with you, in your corner, every single time. He’s there. He’s always there. He’s always been there.

A lot has happened in the past eight months. Largely I seem to feel as though the drama has come from my life, but he’s never complained once. He’s just been there.

The day that I got fired from my job for no reason, he drove me home from work and sat at my side letting me cry on his shoulder for hours.

When we found out that my mother’s condition was cancer, he got in a car with me at 6 pm on a Saturday night so that we could drive 12 hours, through the night to go and see her.

I’m not one to gush, but he is an incredible man. A truly incredible man. One that I think every single day I do not deserve. He’s the type of man that kisses me twice on his way out the door. The type of man who brings me flowers… just because it’s Monday. The type of man who, when my anxiety is bothering me so much that I don’t feel I can get out of bed, will tell me to stay there. He’ll bring me food and drinks and distract me from my worries to help put my mind at peace. He’s also been to every single doctor’s appointment, x-ray, blood test, and everything that I’ve had to do in the past eight months in my quest to find out what’s wrong.

When I think of a support system that everyone needs but so few get, I can’t help but feel exceptionally lucky for finding him.

The love that I feel is full, and pure, and unwavering… even when we fight. Because we do fight. That’s just a part of being in a relationship though.

Knight is the type of man who works a 12 hour day and then will come home and offer to make me dinner. Not for any other reason than because he’s a good soul. Not for any other reason than that’s his heart. Pure, full and thoughtful.

I really don’t know what the future will hold for us. I hope it’s a positive one. I hope that eventually we can reach a point where it stops feeling as though there’s so much negative out there and that things can just be positive and carefree for a while. I do know though, that I want to keep him around. I know that I’m extremely lucky. I know that a love like this doesn’t come along often and I know that I’ve got something a lot of girls dream of having.

This post has been really mushy. Which, he can attest, isn’t typically my style. But, the moral of the story is that it’s so refreshing and wonderful to find a love like that.

For a few someone’s I know.

This is a tribute to the nice girls. Girls like you, her and I. This is for the girls who are comfortable with their own flaws and who over look yours with the sincerest of hopes that you’ll do the same. Yet time and time again, they’ll end up being just another test run on the quest to find the ‘perfect girl’. This is for the hopeless romantics that, although they may have never been in love, know that it exists. For the girls who try so hard to find it in every guy that they meet. For the girls who believe that something was better than nothing and that what they have with him is better than what they have without. This is for the girls that would rather look back and know the outcome, as opposed to wondering what could have been. To the girls who take chances, step out of their comfort zone to find a voice to say things that, even thinking about, gives them butterflies. This is for the girls who attempt to find comfort in hearing “there’s plenty of fish in the sea” and for the girls who will try to mend his heart with the very same advice. This is for the girls that will throw their morals out the window, with the confidence that he will commit himself; the girls who will fall for the pretty words and promising lies. To the optimists who frequently check their phones sincerely hoping they’ve ‘just missed his call’ and to the realists who will turn their phones off knowing he won’t. This is to the girls who aren’t afraid to cry and for the girls who won’t allow a single tear to be shed. This is for the hero that nurses his hangover the next morning only to be informed about his wild drunken hookup with the ‘hot blonde’. And, this is for the ‘hot blonde’ that doesn’t think she deserves anything more than a one night stand.

And, while this goes out to the girls who have had their heart broken, this also goes out to the guys who think they will never find ‘a nice girl’. Are you looking for a girl who will call you just to say hello and spend hours baking cookies into heart shapes? Are you willing to watch her favourite movie over yours? And are you willing to wait those extra minutes while she’s finishing getting ready? Will you be proud to say that you’re taken, and proud to have her next to you when your single friends are inviting you to the club to pick up girls?

Here’s the actual question. Are you really looking for a nice girl, or just a quick fix? Truth be told, a ‘nice girl’ isn’t the same girl that will pride herself in being your flavour of the week and understand that there are no strings attached. While nice girls might like your flirty attention, what they really desire is for someone to see beyond their looks… because beneath that beautiful exterior might just be a personality to match that no one has bothered to notice.  If you’re truly looking for a nice girl, you might just realize that she’s been in front of you the whole time. Maybe, if you’re lucky, she’ll still be waiting when you finally realize. Take the time, make the effort. You want ‘the girl’, you’ve got to be ‘the guy’ she deserves.

And for all of the nice girls in this world, don’t give up on being a hopeless romantic, a believer, a hero, optimistic, fearless and strong. Don’t settle for less than what your heart knows you deserve. Love isn’t easily stumbled upon, and, can often be accompanied by heartbreak and heartache. But somewhere there is a guy that’s looking for you. Maybe you haven’t met him yet, but wherever he is, that is where your heart belongs.