I’m sick and tired.

I have an ear infection, sinus infection and throat infection. I seem to have contracted the trifecta of misery after spending two full weeks trying to look after the sick people in this house.

I’m hungry. All of the food is upstairs and I just don’t have the physical energy to even climb the stairs. I’m cold, my body is physically aching and I’m seriously contemplating becoming one with the grizzly bears and spending my winters hibernating from now on.

Why does it feel like my immune system is so much weaker than everyone else?

This is the type of weather we’ve had the past few days around here:

For those of you who are American and might not understand Celsius, -36 Celsius is the equivalent of -32 Fahrenheit. That’s how cold it is. It’s hard to go outside for any length of time when it’s this cold and you’re healthy, nevermind when you’re sick.

January is kicking my ass. Seriously. Okay, I’m done whining now.

Worries and such.

I had a dizzy spell yesterday. I lost peripheral vision for a short period and it was so bad that I was too scared to drive anywhere. I didn’t want to worry anyone so I told my family that I was going to call my best friend so that they wouldn’t bug me while they thought I was on the phone and I ended up staying in bed for several hours because of it. I actually fell down the stairs as I was heading to my room, which really scared me. My anxious mind wandered a lot of places and my rational mind told me I should just sleep it off.

I fell down the seedy dark corners of trying to diagnose myself using google and found nothing good.

The one good thing I did find is that you can get blurred peripheral vision from severe sinus pressure and head pressure. I’ve been battling a nasty sinus infection and, because if it, woke up with a pretty horrendous headache yesterday.

I’m chalking it up to that, for now.

It went away after I laid in the dark for a while.

I do not need to diagnose myself on google anymore. If anything else happens, a doctor can tell me what’s wrong with me.

Lost my mind in the Emergency Room.

So, where to begin.

I have a newfound respect for deaf people. I’ve always had respect for deaf people, but that respect has reached new heights the past few days. After developing ear infections in both ears (in addition to my sinus infection and throat infection) I have lost my ability to hear.

It’s a scary thing… not being able to hear. So, on Sunday night when Knight took me to the hospital to see a doctor, I was hoping for some help, some real help.

What day is it?

I spent 6 hours in the hospital on Sunday night before I got to see a doctor. There was so much pressure in my face I couldn’t even stand up straight. The doctor came in, I told him I couldn’t hear anything and he still kept talking to me in a regular tone. DUDE, I CAN’T FUCKING HEAR YOU. THAT’S WHY I’VE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR SIX HOURS.

I nearly lost my mind at the doctor. Honestly, six hours for him to see me for three and a half minutes, to tell me I am fine and it’ll go away in a week. Listen buddy, I’m at the hospital because when I get sick like this, it doesn’t go away. I’m one of those people who waits until I’m really damn sick and I can’t deal with life. Had he spent more than 3.5 minutes with me he probably could have realized that.

Props to Knight for listening to me whine in the hospital that whole time. He was incredibly patient with me considering all the whining I did that evening.

Well here were are, I still can’t really hear. It’s scary, and frustrating. I’ve spent most of every day since last Friday sleeping, and I don’t have many plans to do much more in the near future.

Dog therapy

I’ve been sick, in bed, all day. I’ve got a sinus infection, throat infection and ear infection in both ears.

These two have been keeping me company all day long. They won’t leave my side.

Dogs are such magnificent creatures. They can tell when you’re happy, when you’re sad, when you’re down and when you’re mad and they respond with their behavior accordingly. It really doesn’t matter what goes on though, they’re always just… there for you… whenever you need them, however you need them.

When I got sad earlier (feeling sorry for myself for being sick) they stuck their tiny little noses up in my face as though they were trying to tell me to stop crying. And when I fell asleep, one of them fell asleep on each side of me, right up against me as though they were protecting me.

Dogs are such magnificent animals. So full of love and loyalty. I don’t know what we ever did to deserve them but I am so thankful dogs exist in this world.


A doctor, some updates and still no answers.

I had a follow up appointment with the ENT (Ear Nose and Throat) specialist today. After taking 9 months to get to him (referrals take forever in this part of the country) it’s so nice being able to book follow up appointments so quickly.

Where we last left off – I’ve had a sinus infection and several other mysterious ailments since November of 2017. The ENT Specialist made a referral for me to get a CT Scan so that he could have a full view of the inside of my head. The scan was done two weeks ago, so today, I went for the results of the CT Scan, hoping and praying that something was wrong on my scan so at least we would have something that was fixable.

My CT scan is perfectly normal. According to him, looking at my scan looks like a normal scan of a perfectly normal human being.

This obviously upset me quite a bit because I’ve been struggling for quite a while. And, he can see that I am struggling. He let me know that he sees I’m struggling and he wants to make me better. When he tried to stick his laparoscopic camera up my nose to see what was going on, he could not because it was too swollen.

Thankfully, the ENT specialist is not quitting on me. He proclaimed that he knows something is wrong with me and he will get to the bottom of it if I have to keep coming back to see him every month. Which, thank you! Thank you so much. I have finally found a doctor that agrees something is not right and needs to be fixed.

He’s scheduled me for some AutoImmune – Blood Tests for next week. (Thank you to DomesticatedRambler for suggesting that on a previous post I made to this blog) The ENT suggested that if this is something autoimmune related, the blood markers test he’s sending me for could explain a lot.

He’s also scheduled me to have a full scale allergist appointment in a couple of weeks. The test is not just a blood test (like I’ve had in the past), but instead, a full fledged allergen test where they prick you with the allergen and tape the area of your skin to see where your body/blood reacts and where it doesn’t. Apparently it tests for up to 250 allergens, so it involves getting poked by needles 250 times. Sounds like fun! Not! But, if it helps figure out what’s wrong with me, I will be grateful.

The ENT also referred me to a new medication for sinus infections called ‘Rhino Rinse’. It’s not something I’ve ever had before. He says you need to get referrals for it and then told me that it would be covered by my insurance. When I mentioned to him that I was presently unemployed, and thus without insurance, he gave me one. He just gave it to me! He said the units could be quite pricey and he does’t want me to have to pay for it if he’s not even positive if it will help me or not. How nice is he? So amazing!

I left the appointment today with him saying “I know you’re not feeling good, I know you’re struggling. I can see it. I am going to do whatever I can and whatever is in my power to help you feel better. We will get to the bottom of this, so please don’t give up.”

It’s like he knew exactly what I needed to hear but didn’t want to ask him to say. Nevertheless it made me tear up when he said it. I’m just so thankful to have found a doctor who is helpful and doesn’t pass me off as a hypochondriac.

I have a follow up with the ENT on April 11. At that time he will provide me the results to my AutoImmune blood work and to my allergy test. Here’s to praying that at least one of those shows something. Anything! If I know what’s wrong I can work to fixing it. I just need to know what’s wrong.

Whew, this was a lot to say. Heading to bed now.

Rest easy, world. ❤

Sick and struggling, what is wrong with me?

In 2018 I was in the hospital more times than I can count on my hands. I saw more doctors than I’d like to admit too and I took more medication than I probably ever needed. I say that last part meaning that I believe I was absolutely prescribed the wrong medications at least a half-dozen times.

I’ve been fighting a sinus infection since November of 2017. Since that time I’ve also had an eye infection several times and recurrent ear infections.

I’ve tried everything. Crazy diets, obscene amounts of vitamins and minerals, exercise and subsequent weight loss, different therapies, essential oils, basically anything I could think to try, I’ve done.

And yet the infection persists.

During this time in which I have been dealing with pressure in my head (from the infection) and struggling to function, six doctors have prematurely diagnosed me with diabetes, one with Lupus and one just wouldn’t even look at me and told me I have IBS. All of them prescribed me antibiotics.

I’m not diabetic. I’ve taken that test several times now, and yet they still won’t let that concept go.

I do not have Lupus. I’ve also been tested for that.

I’ve also had my thyroid tested, my liver functionality tested, had an allergy test done, had my blood drawn – at least 20 times and been given nasal spray and told that it’ll go away in a few days. I also had a sleep apnea test done last year as well.

Every time I get tests done the doctors tell me that I’m fine. That on paper everything looks great so antibiotics should have me good and better in 3-5 days.

My eyes are always red. I look like a stoner, and have been asked on several occasions if I am a stoner because of the fact that my eyes are so frequently red and splotchy.

‘No Doc, I do not smoke pot,’ I’d say. ‘Nor do I do drugs, and the amount of times I drink alcohol in a year can be counted on one hand. I do not believe this is drug or alcohol related.’

I saw an Ear/Nose/Throat specialist on February 7. It took 9 months to get an appointment with him because, apparently, ENT doctors are in that high of demand. The ENT told me that my nasal cavities were swollen to an alarming rate. He said that normally when he inspects patients he’s able to use a laparoscopic camera to view their ear, nose and throat cavities and see what’s wrong. He said that mine were so swollen it was alarming to him. Thank you, Mr. ENT, THIS IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING FOR OVER A YEAR.

Excuse my yelling. It was just nice to have someone finally admit that the problem was the problem.

I was prescribed steroids to stop the swelling in my face and told to come back in one month so that he could get a better viewing of the extent of the damage. He also sent me for a CT scan so that he can have a view of my head.

I find out the results from that on March 4.

Right now, though, right now I am struggling. This steroid that is stopping the swelling my face is also giving me mega headaches. I’ve also got small things doing on that I’m noticing that I believe are appearing because of the infection.

My nails are cracking and breaking like crazy, down to the skin, right in the middle of the nail. It’s actually quite painful. There’s a weird rash on my right foot that seems to come and go as it pleases – I have yet to figure out what is causing it and why it’s only appearing on my foot, and only one foot at that. My hair, in spite of the fact that I take really good care of it, use minimal products and don’t use heat tools, has horrid split ends. I can cut them off and they reappear in days. My eyes are still red… so I still look like a stoner. And I’m tired. I’m tired a lot of the time. Being awake for 12 hours in a day seems like an arduous task.

I’m frustrated that I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me and therefore cannot figure out how to fix it. I’m frustrated with the amount of doctors who just wrote me off and said “You’re just diabetic”, or just prescribed me antibiotics and told me to be on my way.

I’m angry that it’s been over a year. I’m angry that I’m still suffering with these issues. I’m angry that it’s so hard to sleep. I’m angry that because I don’t know what is wrong, I cannot fix it.

On days when my anxiety gets bad, I have a hard time dealing with this. What if it’s an issue with my brain? How should I know? My brain spirals off into crazy places and there’s no way of coming back.

In spite of eating healthily, exercising, taking all of the right vitamins and minerals, and so on and so forth, I can’t get over this. Why can’t my body fight this?

Desperately waiting for March 4, hoping for some sort of an answer on that day, and if not then, hoping for a sign from the universe of how to help myself.

Okay, I’m done whining now.