Story Time – Blaming 'the other woman'

I’m horrible with telling stories but this one just… yeah.

In my previous life (my last job) one of the things that I did as a part of my job duties was plan charitable events to raise money for those in need. These events varied from banquets to sports tournaments to good ole’ fashioned telethons where we took donations.

In order to entice more people to come to our events and spend all of their money, I was in charge of getting various people of a certain ‘status’ in society to come to the events as well. What we would do was insert who we would refer to as ‘celebrities’ into teams, or at various tables, throughout the events so they were mingling with the folks who had big bank accounts that we wanted donations from.

One of the ‘celebrities’ (I feel weird using that term because I don’t think he’s a celebrity, but for lack of better terminology, I’ll use this term from here on out) that we ALWAYS had at our events, we’ll call him Luke, presently plays in one of the major North American Professional Sports Leagues.

Luke is an asshole.

Luke is a philanderer.

Luke likes to take money and free things from wherever he can get it.

I’ve mentioned my previous boss on this blog before, he was a pretty horrible dude and kind of an idiot. Well, his philosophy was that, if he made the celebrities happy, it didn’t matter how much he spent because the rich folk would make donations and he could just write those expenses off from the donations he got.

So my former boss used to tell me ‘it doesn’t matter how much it costs, or what it is, just make sure that Luke is happy’.

Oh, I should add, Luke is married.

Luke never invited his wife on these trips to these events because Luke wanted time away from his wife to be a philanderer.

My former boss, being male and an asshole just like Luke, used to egg him on. He would take Luke to bars after the event was over and tell him to ‘go for it’ in reference to grabbing women and fondling them, or trying to coax them into the upgrade king suite room my boss had upgrade Luke too at the hotel.

Essentially, his attitude was ‘Your wife’s not here so why not hook up with whomever you please and have a little fun!’

One of the things that he used to say to Luke was ‘When wifey’s away, the boys will play’.

Yeah, I know, it used to make me vomit as well. I always had a really hard time with it. Morally, it felt wrong. Legally, it felt wrong spending charitable dollars to get him an upgraded room, a car service, everything he wanted. But, when I ‘took too long’ to organize these things, my boss would do it himself and remind me that I’m useless.

I always felt really bad for his wife. She was married to this cockroach of a human being and a part of me wondered if she knew or not what happened when he went to these events. (It’s worth noting he wouldn’t just attend our events, he would go to any events where they would give him free stuff, free rooms, free car rentals for the weekend, etc…)

After about four years of running these events, paying for Luke to have whatever he wanted so that it was that much easier for him to cheat on his wife, I actually wound up in a hair salon at the same time as Luke’s wife one afternoon.

She was there with a friend of her’s, they were sitting next to each other in the chairs getting their hair dyed blonde. (A professional athlete married to a fake blonde… there’s a stereotype for you)

Initially, I didn’t meet her, I was just sitting two chairs down from them there to get my hair cut. I could hear the conversation that she was having with her friend and her friend was telling her to cut her losses and leave Luke. Her friend was telling her that Luke wasn’t a good guy and that she deserved better. In that moment, I really appreciated her friend as a human being because… you know you’ve got a damn good friend when they’re willing to tell you brutal and honest truths like that.

I was a little taken aback by her response to her friend. She essentially told her friend to shut up and that she wasn’t giving up the life that being the wife of an athlete has awarded her. She then went on to say that she really didn’t care who Luke ran around with because at the end of the day, he always came back to her and he’d always come with gifts when he did.

It was at that point that I really stopped feeling sorry for her.

She openly knew her husband was cheating on her and she didn’t care because being married to him made her rich. Hey, if you’re cool with your husband cheating on you then I’m going to stop considering you at all when I see how many women your husband can hook up with in one night. Threesomes… foursomes… fivesomes… yeah.

Fast forward to, well to today.

Luke’s wife is actually pregnant right now and Luke’s name has been floating around gossip websites/blogs/tweets about the league he plays in the past week. The rumour is that someone else is also pregnant with his child.

Am I surprised? Not even in the slightest.

Do I think this could be true? Even if it wasn’t true, people in the league’s circles know how much of a philanderer he is, so I don’t think people are questioning the truth to it. I genuinely think people just assume it’s true.

What shocked me was that I went to his wife’s Instagram page today to see if she’d posted anything since these rumours started circulating. Seem his wife is presently trying to become an ‘Influencer’, and she has quite the following. Today, she posted a photo of her baby bump with a lengthy caption proclaiming that this woman (calling her out by name) is responsible for breaking up her family. The caption went on to call this woman various, very graphic names as insults, proclaiming that she knew what she was doing and why are women so horrible and how could this woman take advantage of her poor, innocent husband like this. This post was incredible vicious from start to finish. She called this woman a social climber, said that she only hooked up with Luke because of his athlete status and at the end of it she encouraged her Instagram followers to go to this woman’s Instagram page and harass her for breaking up Luke’s family.

I’m sorry that I’m not sorry. Dear Luke’s wife… you’ve literally known for years that your husband cheats on you with… practically anyone who has a vagina. In fact, he slept with two of my former coworkers. You’ve openly told your friends that you stay with Luke because you like the life of being married to an athlete and because he always brings you gifts when he comes back from cheating on you.

WHAT FUCKING RIGHT DO YOU HAVE CALLING ON PEOPLE TO HARASS THIS WOMAN? Why is this woman’s fault and not your husband’s fault? He knew what he was doing. He was a willing participant in this. If we’re all being honest with this scenario, he’s probably the person who initiated it.

The human race.

I don’t understand the human race.

If a woman did get pregnant from having sex from a married man, that sucks. That sucks for her and her child to be because the child will probably always be treated as the mistake.

The thing I don’t understand though, why is it this woman’s fault? Your husband chose to cheat. Two consenting adults were involved in this. And, given the fact that you’ve known he’s been cheating on you all along, I’d go so far as to say three consenting adults were involved in this. So you sending your Instagram followers after this woman to harass here is pretty fucking stupid and pretty fucking petty.

Honestly, this woman who’s rumoured to be pregnant, I hope that she takes legal action against them. Luke’s wife told the internet where she works in the end of her vicious post about her. She openly called for people to harass her and then told the internet where she worked. I’m not well versed in the legal system, but couldn’t she be charged for inciting violence?

Anyways, that’s the drama for today.

Adventures in job hunting: they called the wrong candidate.

When I answer the phone, if it’s a number that I do not recognize, I won’t identify myself upon answering, I’ll simply say ‘Hello’. There’s a lot of reasons for this, but bottom line is if I don’t know them and I don’t know how they get my number, I’m certainly not telling them who I am.

At 7:00 o clock this morning my phone started ringing. Typically, I’ll look before answering, but sometimes I make questionable decisions first thing in the morning.

‘Good Morning this is Jessica calling from ‘X Company’, I was hoping now was a good time to have a quick chat and ask you some questions about your application.’ The woman said.

Oh, yeah. Since I applied for a position with ‘X Company’ last week, I just assumed they were calling candidates with resumes they liked and asking a few questions.

Questions she asked were simple. Things along the lines of ‘So why did you apply for this position?’ and ‘What is your salary expecations for this position?’ and ‘What do you like about X Company?’

They were easily answered and we were about five minutes into the conversation when she said ‘So Holly, can you tell me a little about your experience with Y Company?’

I was confused.

Holly?

Y Company?

Huh?

She’d never actually acknowledged my name. She’d never actually said who she was calling for, or looking for. She simply just said ‘Hi I’m Jessica’ an then started into it.

‘I think there’s a mistake here’, I said.

‘Oh?’ She questioned.

‘I’ve never worked for Y Company’, I said.

‘Oh, Holly, it’s listed on your resume as experience for the past four years’. She started sounding suspicious.

‘My name isn’t Holly.’ I said.

‘What?’ She asked

‘My name’s not Holly and I’ve never worked at Y Company’ I said.

‘What?’ She asked again. ‘Am I speaking to Holly [Insert Last Name Here]?’

‘No. My name is Vee [Insert last name here]’ I responded.

The woman seem to become frantic and scared at this point. She began questioning me as to why I never told her my name. She didn’t take too kindly to my reminding her that she phoned me and she never acknowledged who she was calling so I just presumed in phoning my phone number she was looking to speak with me.

She then said ‘It’s really unprofessional to not acknowledge yourself when you answer the phone’.

I apologized for not acknowledging my name when I answered the phone and then I politely said that as it was my phone number, I again presumed that she was just calling for me. As I applied for this position she was speaking of, I had no reason to think she wasn’t calling for me.

She then, reluctantly, apologized for the confusion. I could tell that she didn’t really want to though.

I suggested that she could use my answers for my own application and that she must have my application there, in her candidates pool and that I hoped the phone call could bring value towards my application.

She said ‘Thanks for your time, we’ll be in touch in a few days with respect to your application’.

When she hung up I had an inkling that I was never going to hear from this company again. Just her tone and the way she spoke, I have a feeling that, though she was the one who messed up, this was counting as a strike against me.

Sure enough, about 30 minutes later I got generic rejection email that said ‘Thank you for your application. X Company has moved on to the next round of the application process and your application is not being considered at this time. Please feel free to apply for future positions on our website ———————.com.’

Welp.

Saw that one coming.

Onto the next, I guess.

What do you want for Christmas?

Photo Credit: earth.com

I find this question really interesting to ask people because there are so many different ways a person can approach this question.

There’s people who’ll say “a million dollars” and people who’ll say “I don’t want a thing”. There’s people who’ll say items that they really know and love, and people who’ll provide practical options they know that person can afford. Some people even ask for donations to be made in lieu of gifts.

Honestly, to me, what people provide as an answer tells me a lot about who they are. Not that any one answer is better than another. Well, perhaps some answers are better than other’s. If you told me you wanted to kick a puppy for Christmas then I’d think you’re a bad person But, that was a huge tangent and I should get back on track. For the most part, when people answer this question, I really think it tells you a lot about who they are. I read a lot into what people ask for Christmas.

Me? People look at me oddly when I say it, but I tend to tell people that I want the staples for Christmas gifts. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, toothpaste, makeup remover… these types of things. Is that weird? Possibly. My thoughts behind it is, if people give me these things as gifts, and I can use them for the next 3-6 months (or longer depending on what they give me) then that’s expenses that I don’t have to worry about. It’s practical to me. And I think that’s really thoughtful. I mean, whoever buys me those things are going to be giving me something that I’ll like and get use from.

Decorative blankets are great and all but there’s only so many of them a girl needs, ya know? And heavens, I’ve got enough clothes, shoes and accessories. I don’t need any more. Of course I’m always thankful for someone thinking of me, but if someone is going to go ahead and spend their money on me, I just hope they’d take me seriously when I say I want thinks like shampoo and toothpaste, etc…

I’m curious to know, what do you want for Christmas? Are you the ‘ask for everything’ type? Are you the ‘ask for something I know they can afford’ type? Are you the ‘I don’t want anything’ type? Or do you prefer experiences over tangible gifts?

Sending off job applications because I cannot sleep.

I applied for a job with a larger company that has offices in several cities across Canada. When the application was completed I got a notification that said:

“Thank you for applying for the position of —— ——- with ——— Company. Please check out our other vaccines by clicking here”

VACCINES.

VACCINES.

Not vacancies. Vaccines.

Who? What? How have they never noticed this ridiculous mistake of words? Has no one ever told them? Or have people told them and they just don’t care?

Naturally, I need to go to the ‘Vaccines Page’ to see what’s there. First thing I read at the top of the page is ‘Current Vaccines with ——– Company’.

lol

My first task I do when I get this job is teach the difference between a vacancy and a vaccine.

Getting pregnant to ‘trap a man’ is THE WORST IDEA ever.

So, my least favourite cousin called today. I haven’t spoken to her in several years, so it made a lot of sense that she called solely to ask me for something.

After she asked me for a favour, she asked the token ‘so how’ve you been doing?’ I gave her enough to make her say ‘that’s great’ but not enough to let her actually know what’s been happening in my life, since I know she doesn’t care anyway.

Then she went on to say ‘Well me, I’m going to get pregnant soon!’

‘That’s great?!’ I said half questioning it, half trying to understand what her motivation was in saying ‘I’m going to get pregnant’.

‘Well, I think it’s time’. She said. ‘Let’s face it, I’m never going to get a boyfriend hotter than Braeden,’

Umm…. what?

I’ll admit. I stumbled on the phone. I wasn’t exactly sure how to respond to the statement when she said it, because this was just so stupid I couldn’t believe it came out of her mouth.

‘That’s nice that you and Braeden are planning for your future!?’ I said, questioning but also trying to sound happy for her.

‘Oh, Braeden doesn’t know!’ She exclaimed. ‘I stopped taking my birth control a few weeks back. He’s going to be so surprised!’

At this point in time I was like ‘Uhhh, can you give me his number so I can tell Braeden?’ Though I was being dead serious, she clearly thought I was kidding because her response was ‘So you don’t feel pressured to have a baby? I mean it’s about time. You’re getting so old.’

The rest of the conversation was me trying to lecture her out of this stupid idea and telling her that getting pregnant was not going to make her boyfriend stay with her forever. Inevitably, the remainder of the conversation was short because she got pissed off at my logic and decided to end the conversation.

I think she was hoping for me to respond with ‘Oh my god, I’m so happy for you!’ Or something of the sort. So when I told her it was a bad idea, she likely wasn’t very impressed with me.

Right now I don’t know what to do. All I really want to do is reach out to people to see if I can find Braeden’s phone number. I know it’s not cool to insert yourself into other people’s relationships, but damn, shouldn’t someone give him the heads up?

Trying to ‘trap a man’ by getting pregnant is literally the STUPIDEST IDEA EVER. Firstly, it’s 2019, not 1950. Gone are the days when people feel obligated to stay with someone solely because they share a child with them. Secondly, if you’re going to to tell him of your intentions to get pregnant, there’s clearly something else lacking in your relationship that needs fixing… that bringing a child into this world is not going to fix.

I love babies. And all babies deserve to be loved. And I’m guessing if she did get pregnant then her boyfriend would love this kid unconditionally, because from what I’ve heard of this guy, he’s a pretty good dude. But imagine that kid, fifteen years from now, learning that his/her mom got pregnant because ‘she wasn’t going to find a hotter boyfriend’. Like… I cannot wrap my head around the sheer idiocy of this.

I’ll go ahead and say this, without qualms or hesitation: it is never a good idea to intentionally get pregnant as a means to try to trap your boyfriend/spouse/partner.

And let me be abundantly clear here, there’s a difference between an unplanned pregnancy and a pregnancy which someone plans and does not tell the other partner.

A baby is not going to fix your relationship issues. And, could quite possibly put more of a rift between them if/when he learns what you’re doing. A baby is not going to make a relationship last forever. A baby is not going to be the solution to whatever it is you’re missing in your life. I’ve heard that from enough parents to know. Also, imagine the pressure you’re putting on that poor, innocent little baby in this scenario. There is a small percentage chance that a partner could learn all of this information and a relationship still work afterwards and they be together long term, but I really don’t see there being a large change of that happening, at all.

Getting pregnant to trap a man is a horrible, horrible, horrible idea. And also, your partner’s hotness should not be motivation for reproduction. And also, it’s lying, it’s manipulative and it’s unfair to both the boyfriend and the future potential child.

If this is a plan, then there are other options. Go see a relationship therapist. Or, go see a therapist on your own. Get some help. I’ve tried to talk to my cousin since our phone conversation but since she didn’t like my words this afternoon, she’s been ignoring me.

* Note – I know the scenario goes both ways and there are times when men try to do this to. I’m speaking of it from the female perspective solely because of what my cousin told me today.

What would you do if someone told you they were intentionally planning to get pregnant without their partner’s knowledge?

Edit: After writing this and then reading it through, I have since decided to email and text my aunt (cousin’s mom) to ask her if she could provide me with Braeden’s phone number.

Find out who your friends are…

I’ll probably be posting a lot today. I tend to post more when I’m sad, and today I am really sad. I guess that’s life though. Some days you’re up and some days you’re down.

Also, I have a lot to say.

Also, I just like this place.

Alright, I’ll stop justifying myself and start.

The song ‘Find Out Who Your Friends Are’ is ringing true today. Actually, it’s been ringing true to me for most of this year. When I got fired, I thought that I had friends at my job. I thought that I had people who would be there for me, people who cared, whether I worked with them or not. To my shock, my being fired was met with dead silence, or messages of ‘That sux!’ from the people I worked with.

‘That sux!’? Yeah, it does suck getting railroaded because your boss is breaking the law. You knew what was going on, you saw that I got railroaded and you’re still going along with it.

The people that were there for me when I got fired? Knight. My two best friends in Vancouver, volunteering to get on planes and telling me to come live with them. The people that weren’t there for me? The friends I thought were friends at my work. Guess our getting along was contingent on my being their coworker.

Nevertheless, I’ve heard from former coworkers four times over the past ten months, the most recent of which being today. Each time it hasn’t been to check on me, to reach out, to see how I was doing or any of those things. When they reach out, it’s been to ask me how to do things, or how I did things.

Each time my response has been: “That sounds like a problem for Clint (former boss)!”

Today one of my former coworkers texted me with an offer of a trip. When I said ‘No thanks’, they responded with ‘Shoot, I was hoping you’d say yes so that I could ask you for something!’.

Go figure eh?

I don’t like associating people who only offer something when they know they need to ask for something from you. To me, when you give something, there are no strings attached. When I give something there is certainly no strings attached to it.

I was not shocked, nor surprised to hear that they wanted something from me. The song reads:

You find out who your friends are
Somebody’s gonna drop everything
Run out and crank up their car
Hit the gas get their fast
Never stop to think ‘what’s in it for me?’ or ‘it’s way too far.’
They just show on up with their big old heart

And with people like this, they’re always asking ‘What’s in it for me?’

All I can say is, I know who my friends are. I know who’s been there for me, always, no questions ask, nothing required in return.

Oh, also, to my former coworker who wants something from me today… go ask Clint. No amount of trips or money or anything that you could possibly offer me would make me want to do anything for your office. Leave me the fuck alone.

Switching gears entirely…

I wrote a Guest Post for a friend’s blog. If you haven’t heard of ‘Rethinking Scripture’, please go and check out Dwain’s blog, and read my guest post. I’ll admit, it might be a little sad. But, people tend to appreciate my ‘Dear Self’ letters, so if you want to see it – this week’s ‘Dear Self’ is on Dwain’s blog. Go to Rethinking Scripture >

Dear Influencers, you’re not relatable anymore.

Yeah, I’m talking about those influencers who have built their careers around a sense of relatability.

Influencers who, as more and more people connect with them and who they are, they start changing, ever so slowly, to reflect their new-found popularity. And, eventually, they wind up becoming so far removed from where they started their careers that they no longer have the qualities about their personalities that people gravitated towards in the first place.

At one point in time, you were relatable. At one point in time, I felt like you were just like me. But, these days I see you in your multi-million dollar homes, or $5,000 a month apartments, driving around your multiple $80,000 dollar cars and consistently telling us that we need to click your referral links, buy your crappy brand collaborations and give you money because you’re ‘just like us’ and I can’t help but think of how far removed you are from the reality that most of us experience, that you’re really not relatable to any of us anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with making money and there’s nothing wrong with finding success.

My issue is with the fact that, as you jet off to various exotic locations on holiday’s you’re not paying for, you claim to be one of us. You claim to understand what we go through. My problem is that, as you dip your finger in that $85 dollar lip balm that you’re telling us all to buy, you don’t even know how much it costs… because you don’t have to buy it yourself, you get it given to you.

There’s nothing wrong with making a lot of money. There’s nothing wrong with getting gifts. But I’d like you to remember that the majority of us, we don’t get these gifts and we certainly don’t have $85 dollars to spend on a single lip balm. Nor do we have the funds available to jet around the world and stay at these lavish hotels you’re vacationing at, that we know you aren’t paying for.

I appreciate the game, I do. And I am happy for you for finding the success that you have. I just don’t think that you understand, the very people who are the reason for your success in the first place are the very people you seem to be alienating these days. It’s clear that the money has changed you. And while we all evolve in life (yes, all of us evolve), pretending you’re still the same person you always were, while sitting in that million dollar mansion, it’s rather transparent. Pretending that nothing has changed and acting as though we, the viewers, don’t know any better really belittles the intelligence of your audience.

We see you peddling products in a sponsored video only to never be seen or acknowledged ever again. We see you blurring out the logo on your car as to not show what kind of vehicle you drive. We see you promoting sustainability to us whilst leading a life of over-consumption and materialism. So what is it? What’s the message you’re trying to promote her? Do as I say not as I do?

My advice to you: embrace who you are. Stop trying to pretend you’re the same old soul we fell in love with. Because you’re not. And that’s okay. Perhaps, if you embrace this newfound wealth and popularity and stop trying to ‘pull the wool over our eyes’, everyone could be happier. You could find a new audience, an audience that embraces your wealth and privilege, and stop treating your ‘die-hard OG Subscribers’ like they’re idiots. Because that’s what you’re doing. Trying to pretend you’re your regular old self is a lie. And when you lie to your subscribers, you’re treating them like idiots.

My further advice… be more conscious. Conscious of your footprint. Conscious of your over-consumption. Conscious of the fact that aren’t who you once were. Conscious of the fact that, you’re not always going to be liked.

Also, be humble. Be grateful. You literally got where you are off the support of others. So please stop acting like you’re god’s gift to youtube. Because without all of those people who watched supported you, you wouldn’t have a dime. So please stop saying ‘I don’t owe you anything’. Because when you really break it down – you do owe your viewers. This beautiful life you’re leading is because of them.

I recently watched a video on youtube in which someone, I’m sure you all know the name of, bought every pumpkin in a pumpkin patch to fill his back yard with pumpkins so that his family members didn’t have to go all the way to the pumpkin patch to pick a pumpkin for Halloween.

Cute, right? Totally cute. Egregious, over-the-top and completely unnecessary? Abso-fucking-lutely. Considering they only ended up using four of the pumpkins, what did they do with the rest? Did they give them to neighbours? Did they donate them? Did they send them back to the pumpkin patch so that people in his area didn’t have to go to the pumpkin patch to find out there weren’t any there? We don’t know. Because they don’t tell us. They simply flex their wealth and opulence and then end the video… because they don’t ‘owe anyone anything’.

All I’m saying is, acknowledge that you’re not the person you once were. Acknowledge that the eight vehicles in your garage are because you lead a really privileged life, and that not everyone gets to live that way. Stop trying to pretend you’re a regular ‘folk’ when you believe it’s appropriate to ‘try and keep us believing’.


Please note that while I’ve only given one specific example of a youtuber in this post, that is not my picking on them, it was just for example’s sake. Really, I believe this applies to A LOT of people who make their living being an ‘Influencer’.