As I rant/ramble on… (warning: expletives ahead)

I’m not really sure where this image originated, it seems to be making its way around the internet so I don’t know who to credit. Sorry!

First and foremost, something I’ve posted to social media but not to WordPress, The Australian Red Cross is accepting donations from around the world. If you would like to donate to help those affected by the devastation of the ongoing wildfires in Australia, please click here.

If you do not have the means to donate, I would strongly encourage anyone who reads this to inform themselves as to what is happening in Australia and the reactions (or lack thereof) the Australian government has had. Australia has one of the most, if not the most, unique and diverse ecosystems on earth with hundreds of species who call it home that exist nowhere else on earth. Everyone should be aware of what is happening, what has been lost and what is at stake.

If you’re in Australia and have been affected by these fires, or not, my heart goes out to you. I come from an area of Canada that deals with forest fires annually and I know the heart-wrenching horrors that is watching the world burn up around you… and we don’t even have Koalas to worry about.


Okay, so where to start…

The house is quiet, for a few minutes at least. Insert casual Vee.

It is the first week of the new year (and new decade) and everyone who lives in my house has been sick. Really fucking sick. I’ve been taking them to the hospital to get IVs because they’re just that sick. It has made for a lot of long days and even longer nights. Let me tell you this – cleaning up someone else’s puke is no joke. I’ve always had a respect for doctors and nurses, but when I go through week’s like this week has been, I respect them so much more.

Today, I decided that I needed to do something for myself, so I went for a massage. I told the masseuse, a woman, that I was there to get the knots worked out of my lower back. (I’ve been dealing with some serious tension in my lower back as of late and I thought a massage might help) Her response? Lathering her hands in fucking oil and then running them through my hair. Did I want a head massage? No. Did she try to persist after I told her to stop? Abso-fucking-lutely. There aren’t a lot of things in this world that make me really, truly angry… but when I have clean hair you best not fuck that up.

I was relaxed up until that point. Actual smoke started spewing from my orifices. We had a very frank discussion about what it means to listen to a customer when they make a request of you and my angry voice came out. My angry voice RARELY comes out…

Sadly, that wasn’t the only time the angry voice came out today.

I decided that it would be smart to carry my open laptop, a glass of water and a plate of dinner downstairs at one time. Yeah, that didn’t end well for me. Thank goodness I have one of the most indestructible computers of all time, but I had some very choice words for myself after that happened.

‘You’re such a fucking idiot.’

‘This is why you can’t have nice things.’

I really hope that I’m not the only person in the world to yell at myself when I do stupid things. Also, there’s really no saving your dinner when the dogs run over to start licking food off the floor at the bottom of the stairs. So… protein bars it is?

Today’s score is: World – 2, Vee – 0.

In other news, I don’t think I’ve ever done this, but here’s a song that I really love:

This band is a favourite of mine. I’ve never heard a song of their’s I didn’t like. They’re a Canadian band and they actually had a song (Knocking at the Door) become a bit of a sport anthem in the past couple of years. It was used for the NHL playoffs, NBA Finals, the Super Bowl, the World Series, the World Cup, the Olympics, and so on and so forth. They’re not so much Indie anymore, but I still love them dearly and have fond memories of their incredible shows in dark, dingy pubs across this country.

Also, here’s a book that I really love:

If you’ve ever felt like you just don’t fit anywhere in this world, like you’re misunderstood and you’d be better off on your own, away from every one and every thing dragging you down, this book is for you. I’ve read this book probably… 30 times at this point. Each time I read it I get something new from it.

Alright, I think that’s all for now. I can hear my name being called from upstairs…

Make smart choices.

Bye.

12 more months of me

I have renewed my WordPress subscription for twelve more months, so I guess it’s time for me to get a whole lot more creative. Also, I would like to be a whole lot more thoughtful with respect to the things that I say with my blog moving forward.

The career series is still coming. It’s something I very much have my heart set on doing. I got a little tied up with the whole situation wit my cousin and her son, then there was a baby here for ten days… not sleeping. Needless to say, It was a few weeks that seemed to fly by, but also somehow, last a lifetime. If I told you I was going to email you, that email will still be coming.

*If anyone remembers my post about my cousin’s son, there is a familial match, so we are grateful for that blessing and hopeful for the prospects that brings for her son’s health.

Worries and such.

I had a dizzy spell yesterday. I lost peripheral vision for a short period and it was so bad that I was too scared to drive anywhere. I didn’t want to worry anyone so I told my family that I was going to call my best friend so that they wouldn’t bug me while they thought I was on the phone and I ended up staying in bed for several hours because of it. I actually fell down the stairs as I was heading to my room, which really scared me. My anxious mind wandered a lot of places and my rational mind told me I should just sleep it off.

I fell down the seedy dark corners of trying to diagnose myself using google and found nothing good.

The one good thing I did find is that you can get blurred peripheral vision from severe sinus pressure and head pressure. I’ve been battling a nasty sinus infection and, because if it, woke up with a pretty horrendous headache yesterday.

I’m chalking it up to that, for now.

It went away after I laid in the dark for a while.

I do not need to diagnose myself on google anymore. If anything else happens, a doctor can tell me what’s wrong with me.

I GOT MY MONEY BACK.

I wasn’t going to post anything today, but I felt the need to celebrate.

Recently, I had a whole crapload of money charged to my credit card through fraudulent PayPal transfers. You can read about it here: Part 1 > I Part 2 >

Well, the important thing to note is that I GOT MY MONEY BACK.

It was an ordeal. It was a huge pain in the ass, several hours worth of being on the phone with paypal and the bank and paypal and then bank again. But, I GOT MY MONEY BACK.

Hoo-ray! That’s one big demon off my back.

Be careful with PayPal. That’s all I’ll say.

Friday’s are for…?

I don’t even know where to start.

Wilson was elated to see all of us show up at the hospital this afternoon. He’s a bit of a handy-man by nature. Even at 85 years old he is still someone who made his own repairs to his home and changed the oil in his vehicle on his own, things like that. So, instead of bringing him flowers today, the neighbourhood all went to the hardware store and each bought him a tiny tool to sit on his windowsill in his hospital room. Kind of like… a little touch of him can be there since he’s not allowed to go home.

I truly think he was shocked as heck to see so many people today. But I’m taking that as a good sign. I think in times like these, the best things you can give someone is a smile, and this neighbourhood definitely did that for him today.

If you believe in it, send some positive juju to the universe for Wilson. He’s going to need it in the coming weeks. Today his son told us the doctor’s said it could be a few days, it could be a few weeks, they’re not sure how long he’s got left. The son says once he gets permission to he’s going to take Wilson home to his house (the son) to look after him in his final days. So send some positive juju for the son, too. I can’t imagine that’s easy to deal with.

In another update, I spent two hours on hold this morning to deal with the bank and PayPal to get my credit card sorted out.

PayPal has agreed with me that the transfers appear to be fully fraudulent and they said they will be refunding me within 7-10 business days.

My credit card has been cancelled (as a safety precaution) to ensure that no more charges are made to the card now that the information could possibly be compromised. The bank has told me that I should receive a new card within 7-10 business days.

The stupid part of all of this is that I haven’t even made a purchase on PayPal since 2015. And I’ve only ever made one purchase on PayPal. I’d forgotten all about any existing account with them due to lack of using it. I didn’t need the account so I forgot all about it. The whole situation is all too frustrating. I’ve been trying so hard to be good and not purchase unnecessary things and save my money and then someone goes and steals it. Well, I’m presuming it’s someone at this point.

I have to keep my PayPal account long enough for them to refund me. After that, I’m deleting it and never dealing with PayPal again.

My lesson in this? Don’t have leave your credit card information on sites you don’t use, or sites at all, really. It’s not that hard to rewrite your credit card number each time you purchase something online.

Also, sign up for text alerts from your bank. If they hadn’t texted me this morning notifying me of ‘Suspicious Purchases’ on my card, I wouldn’t have known for a while. I maybe check my bank balances once a week, if that. I don’t know how I signed up for text alerts from my bank, I don’t remember ever doing it. Let me tell you though, I am damn sure glad I had them today.

Words are hard.

I’ve been staring at this screen for the past thirty minutes. I’ve written, deleted, rewritten and re-deleted all of my thoughts this evening. Why? The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting change.

My thoughts don’t even seem worthy of putting into words tonight. I’m not anxious, I’m just in a mood. Things are annoying me. I can’t seem to wrap my head around what I want. I have so many ideas and none of them ever seem to come to fruition.

Lately I’ve been thinking it might be nice to just go into business for myself. You know… start a consulting firm and charge people oodles of money for my services. Wow, I can’t believe I said that out loud (so to speak). The entire concept sounds so stupid, yet so exhilarating. I know my worth. I possess such a unique skill set that I know I could bring immense value to any company that I worked for, yet for one reason or another they just don’t seem to hire me. Perhaps I should flip the coin, take control of the situation and charge the heck out of them for my services. I’m not sure that I’ll tell anyone this. At least not now. More than anything it’s a pipe dream at the moment. Perhaps one day.

Until then, I think I’ll just stay hopeful. Hopeful for success, hopeful for a future, hopeful for a day when cell phones aren’t twice as much as laptops, hopeful for happiness.

Hey Knight, if you’re reading this, I think that we should go to Vegas for my birthday. I’m saying this now so that you can take days off.

Tired and uninspired.

2019 has been kicking my ass. That’s become a phrase that I’m using a lot this year. At 1.5 months into this year, I’m wondering where the time went while also wondering why everything is going so slowly.

This just in – I am still unemployed. And it’s not for lack of trying. I even had a professional writer take a look at my resume to tell me what was wrong with it. It’s good. Trust me, it’s good. Somehow though, that doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that I have ten years experience, a degree, or anything that’s listed on my resume. I am just another one of the bunch. And since the bunch is plentiful, here I am… serving as the token unemployed millennial. Such a stereotype. Such I am.

In other news, my mother’s chemotherapy has been delayed. The poor woman seems to be allergic to just about everything, so, I guess the doctor’s are hesitant to completely destroy her immune system until they know that she’s not going to adversely react to the medications she’s required to take through the process. Knowing that this process is being prolonged is affecting my anxiety in copious amounts. It’s hard enough to have to watch your mom go through something like this, but it’s getting harder knowing that it’s so much more complicated than we originally thought it would be.

I’m still homeless. It’s been difficult. Though I’ve lasted 12 days at this point so I am pretty proud of myself for that. I find myself missing simple things… like being able to open the cupboard and see exactly what I want to eat in there… or being able to leave the dishes in the sink and wash them later. Or just sitting down on my own couch. Things are just things, I am aware of this. I am now realizing though just how much comfort some of these things can bring… especially when you might just be in a frail state yourself (and not wanting to admit to it).

I have a CT-Scan booked for Saturday. I was quite amazed that I actually got it booked so quickly. Hopefully though, they’ll be able to see what’s really going on inside of my head and provide me some relief to this constant pressure in my face. The doctor thinks it’s internal damage from a broken nose, but needs a CT-Scan to see the extent of the damage. I guess we’ll find out on Saturday. As if there wasn’t enough to worry about in my life already…

To take a moment and talk about the bonuses – Knight and I travelled to Lake Louise to see the Ice Magic Festival this past weekend. It was magical, and everything I’d ever wanted it to be. I’ve had dreams of seeing it since I was a kid, so being able to be there and see it up close and personal was a pretty big check off my bucket-list.

Here’s to trying to see the positives through all the mess.

And self-care. Self care is very important.