Please don’t be rude.

I’ve been thinking…

There is no reason, rhyme or explanation as to why anyone should be leaving a rude or mean comment on someone’s blog. You can be open, honest and respectful towards someone that you completely disagree with in every sense of your being and maintain a completely cordial discourse, interaction or relationship.

And yes, there is a way of perhaps letting someone know they might be wrong whilst still being polite about it. So if you disagree with someone and would like to share your perspective, be polite. Don’t be an asshole.

Please don’t be an asshole. If you read a blog post and you get the urge to leave a rude comment or to be mean to the person who wrote the post, just move on. Your comment is not going to serve any positive purpose. You’re not going to open any discussion, change any minds or allow them to see another perspective if you’re being an asshole.

Quarantine Day 5,000

Dear Patrice,

I know that it feels like just yesterday that I was writing we were on day 3,000 and something. What can I say? When you’re in the middle of an International Health Pandemic, you really lose all sense of time.

My mom has this ‘schtick’ that she does where she pretends she doesn’t know how to use technology. Part of me thinks she does it because she thinks it’s charming to be the grandma who doesn’t know how to use technology, but mostly, I think she just does it as an excuse to not have to do things for herself.

Thinking I was being smart, I bought her a tablet of her own. Reasons for this were many, but most importantly because she could keep all of her accounts logged into, so all she had to do was open an App.

Today, I was informed that she broke her tablet.

Her response to not being able to check her bank balance? Not to use the computer, no. She’s just going to get in her car and go to the bank. Because… there’s no Pandemic ongoing. She’s not less than a year in remission. Who gives a fuck?

I told her that she needs to use the computer and not go out unless she has to. She told me that she has to because she doesn’t know how to use the computer. This started a twenty minute argument about how poorly I treat her and try to force technology on her that she just doesn’t understand and that she’s a grown woman and if she wants to go to the bank, she can go to the bank.

Yeah, you bat-shit crazy old woman, on any normal day feel free and go to the bank, I wouldn’t give a fuck. But today there’s a deadly disease sweeping the globe. I think you can handle logging in a computer rather than your tablet.

I got the computer out.

I opened up the website.

I said ‘Input your card number where it says card number, then input your password where it says password’.

All she had to do was input her information.

‘I don’t know how to do that!’ She yelled at me.

Feeling like she was just fucking with me to purposefully to make me angry at this point, I said: ‘You don’t know how to use a fucking keyboard?’

‘I don’t need your abuse’, she said, knowing that she was swinging low when she said that.

I took her card, I typed the card number into the computer. Then she proclaims she doesn’t have a password.

You literally cannot have online banking services without a password, but OHHHHHHHHHKAY.

This started another argument about how I always think I know more than her about things and that she genuinely doesn’t have a password. OOOOOOOHKAY. I left. I went downstairs to cool off.

10 minutes later she comes downstairs to:

  1. Tell me that she could have been to the bank and back already by now.
  2. Tell me that she now remembers her password so I need to log in for her.

Knowing she was trying to bait me to start another argument, I didn’t bite. I silently followed her up the stairs, sat down in front of the computer and waited for her to tell me the password.

She tells me that her password is her first and last name.

I told her that’s not possible, banks require at least one number to be used.

She told me that it’s her first and last name and that I need to type that in.

I typed it in.

It obviously didn’t work

Then she yelled at me because, and I quote, ‘Your attitude is appalling’.

You’re right. Stupid me, the stupid little Millennial trying to teach her mother how to sign into online banking on a computer so that she doesn’t go out, unnecessarily, in the middle of a health pandemic. You being less than a year in remission, you’re right, my attitude is awful.

She walks away, presumably to go stick pins in my voodoo doll. Upon returning she’s had an epiphany. She now knows what her password is and it’s not her first and last name.

She also now knows how to use the keyboard because she reaches overtop of me and types it into the computer herself.

MIRACULOUS!

She even knows how to hit the ‘Sign In’ button. When did that happen?

Being now signed in, after the longest twenty minutes of my life, she tells me to leave because she doesn’t want me to see her banking information.

No arguments from me. I left and came back downstairs.

Less than five minutes later she comes back downstairs to bring my my computer. Instead of saying thank you, or I am sorry, or even just saying ‘Here’s your computer!’ she opens the door and sticks the computer in the doorway and says ‘Come get it. And next time you want to force technology on me that I don’t understand, just mind your own business’.

This…

This is why we don’t get along.

This is why I don’t like being around her.

I love her. She’s my mother and that will always be the case, but we’re cut from a different cloth. The two of us in the same room is like mixing mixing vinegar into the jar of baking soda.

I’m the stupid spoiled millennial who abuses her and has a horrible attitude and she is the world’s smartest grandma who can do no wrong.

Quarantine day 5,000 has been a long one. And it’s only 2:30 pm.

Quarantine Day 3,487

Dear Patrice (HIMYM Reference),

The days are so long and tiresome, they’re all morphing together. How long has it been? When will it end? Much like the theme of my blog suggests, I have a lot of questions and zero answers.

This morning, at least I think it was this morning (let’s face it, it could have been yesterday at this point, or perhaps even tomorrow seeing as I’m so delusional) the snowplows came down our road at 6:15. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the sound of graters scraping against pavement for thirty minutes straight, but it’s not the most pleasant sound to have to listen to, let alone wake up to.

The snowplows grinding our street at 6:15 am made next to no sense given the fact that it was snowing… as they were plowing. And we had six inches of snow in the forecast for today. Perhaps they’re occupied tomorrow. Perhaps they were just excited that being a snowplow driver allows them to work while social distancing.

Anyways, enough about snowplows.

I want to talk about home.

I’m one of those delusional characters who is of the belief that home is where the heart is. For that reason, I’ve actually felt the genuine sense of home for very little of my life.

Earlier this month, I felt like I was getting close. I’ll admit, I had my hopes up. I thought there was a chance I’d be on my way home soon. After two successful interviews with the Engineering firm, I had one final interview scheduled with the CEO on March 10th. On March 9th the HR Manager reached out and said that the CEO’s wife was ill and he wasn’t going to be at work so the interview would have to be postponed. On the 5th when the interview with the CEO was scheduled for the 10th, I was hoping it was going to be for a job offer. They rescheduled my interview for the 17th and well, shit hit the proverbial fan and all my dreams are postponed. The Engineering firm has been closed since the 13th, with only the Engineers themselves working at this point, and only for emergency services.

Don’t get me wrong. International pandemic, I totally get it. I absolutely understand. We’ve been aware of the Corona Virus in Canada since January. In fact, when I went to the hospital in January, they were already taking precautions at that point and had me tested for it. I’m well aware of the serious nature of this virus and do not blame the firm for closing. I think it was smart of them.

I just… am mourning the loss of what could have been whilst simultaneously facing a day to day misery of not feeling welcome where I’m living, whilst simultaneously recognizing that virtually no one is hiring right now. Except Wal-Mart. And yes, I applied.

I’m whining. It’s 12:30 am and I am whining. I fully understand that. I also completely grasp that there are people in this world in absolutely worse situations than mine all around. But, sometimes you just have to let things out. Sometimes you just have to free the thoughts from your brain so that you can think clearly again.

Will this help? Well, if I sleep even in the slightest tonight, I’ll consider it a win.

I had a brief FaceTime call with Knight tonight. It’s amazing how, even in just ten minutes time at one-o-clock in the morning, he makes the whole day better. He just gives me a whole different perspective on things. He changes me. Makes me better. I need that in my life.

There’s a great big world out there. One that needs conquering tomorrow.

Stay safe, stay healthy and stay at least a six foot distance from people. #FlattenTheCurve

Goodnight, World.

Updates from Canada

Places deemed essential services are still open – this includes grocery stores, pharmacies, gas stations and the hospital.

Schools are all closed indefinitely.

Daycares are all closed indefinitely.

Medical school students have now taken on the job of childminding for Doctors and Nurses and healthcare workers so that these people integral to saving lives can continue saving lives without worrying about childcare.

You can order take out from certain restaurants, but you’re not allowed to go into any restaurants to sit down.

You’re not allowed to host an event in which more than 50 people could be in the same room. You’re strongly warned against going to any event that could include any grouping of people whatsoever.

Certain provinces are threatening jail time and hefty fines for those who do not oblige with social distancing regulations.

I live in a small town, so being able to do things like take the dog for a walk has been a relatively easy thing to do. We can walk for miles without meeting anyone. That being said, I do feel people in larger centres need to be more mindful of going out for a walk. I’ve been seeing photos of people at English Bay in Vancouver the past couple of days that have made me very angry.

Our washing machine is broken. The laundromat is closed. How we are going to clean our clothing, I am not too sure. But that’s life.

It’s snowing. Yes, the first day of spring may have come and gone but we are still very much in winter mode around here.

I have an intense, sharp pain in my lower side that has been going on for about four days now. I’m a mild hypochondriac, so it is worrisome. But I’m working on staying calm right now, so I’m trying to not get too worked up about it. I think I know what’s causing it. I’ve definitely suffered from this pain before. And, it can wait for now.

Social distancing and self quarantining have included:

  • Applying for jobs, even though I know basically 96% of the world has halted their hiring right now
  • Weeding through the Corona Virus hiring scams that are posted all over Indeed and LinkedIn right now
  • Dreaming about running away and hiding out in Knight’s apartment
  • Worrying about Knight
  • Writing tons of posts that I’ll never publish on this blog
  • Hiding in my room
  • Cleaning. Everything. With bleach.

Stay healthy. Stay safe. Be smart. Sending my best.

Quitting cold turkey

I’ve decided that I’m not going to take anxiety medication anymore. It’s just too tough on my body. And honestly, the withdrawals are even harder for my body to deal with when I don’t have them then the side effects are when I do. If I’m being totally honest with myself, I’ve been using them to hide from the sheer misery that is my life… and instead of hiding from it, I really need to learn to cope. This is my life, after all.

Addition after the fact: After reading some of the comments on this post, I am feeling a need to clarify. My decision to stop with medication is entirely related to my struggles with medication itself. I am a huge advocate for taking medication if it is right for you and if it helps you. I am not now, nor will I ever, judge anyone for taking medication. In my personal case, it’s reached a point where it is doing more harm than anything else and I need to make a change. I hope that you can understand.

I haven’t been sleeping lately. I doze off for twenty or thirty minute periods two-to-three times in the night, but for the most part, I just end up laying there. Perhaps it’s stress. Perhaps I’m just wired different. Either way, the nights give me a long time to think. I have been taking supplements to help me sleep but the supplements aren’t working anymore so there’s no point in continuing to take it.

Self quarantine has also given me a lot of time to think. Frankly, I’m not too happy with myself. I’m also not really happy with the people who’ve been taking advantage of me for far too long now. People take advantage of my kindness and it’s time I stand up for myself. I saw a quote that said “you can be a good person with a kind heart and still say no” and I realized that’s who I need to be.

Thank you but no thank you.

While I appreciate each and every single person who takes the time to send me Instagram DMs, Twitter DMs, Emails, comments on my blog and photos, etc… I would like to state outright, as boldly as I possibly can

I AM NOT INTERESTED IN SIGNING UP FOR, OR PURCHASING FROM YOUR MLM. NOT NOW. NOT EVER.

I don’t need or want oils, cannabis products, leggings, a fitness program, skincare, clothing, spices, cookware, makeup or anything else that falls within the realm of an MLM company, tiered rewards program or organization that proclaims I can be my own boss lady, boss babe, boss bitch and so on and so forth.

I understand the hustle. I do. And I know that you’re technically just doing your job because you need to sign people up in order to make money. But I cannot stress this enough, I am not interested. You’re wasting your time reaching out to me. No sales pitch, fancy charts, media kits, catalogs, free gifts or anything else is going to coax me into signing up/purchasing.

It’s absolutely nothing against you, I promise. I choose to not support any MLM companies and that decision will not change.

Sorry, not sorry.

Small things that annoy me.

I recently touched on the subject of small annoyances on twitter and a few people chimed in on the subject. This sent my brain on a deep-dive down a rabbit hole of stupid things that don’t really matter at all but tend to annoy the crap out of me.

When people pronounce it ‘frigerator’. Its Refrigerator. RE. RE. RE. RE. REFRIGERATOR.

When you’re driving and the person in front of you is half-way through turning before they put their turn signal on. Clearly we can see that you’re already mid-turn so there’s no need to warn us now…

When people ask me when I’m having kids. Or, when anyone gets asked this. Me, I’m just indecisive on the matter, but I can’t imagine what this question must feel like for someone who struggles with infertility. It seems like such a small question but it annoys the fuck out of me and I reckon it weighs really heavy on the hearts of people who are struggling to have kids or just can’t have kids at all.

When people park their vehicles on sidewalks. Yeah, this is a small annoyance for able-bodied individuals who use the sidewalk, but remember that this is a MASSIVE struggle for disabled individuals who now have to walk/wheel around your vehicle (likely onto the street) just to be able to continue on their way.

When people don’t hold the door open and it slams shut right as you’re getting to it. I realize that no one is entitled to having the door held open for them, but if the person behind you is so close to you that the door is going to close in their face, couldn’t you just stand there the extra three seconds? Kindness means A LOT more than people realize.

When you go out to dinner with someone and they’re constantly checking their phone. Check your phone later. The people in cyber-land should not be more important than the person in front of you.

When people wait until they get to the front of a long line to decide what they want. You couldn’t have thought about it at all during the 20 minutes we were just waiting in line?

When grown women call their father ‘Daddy’. I never really gave this any thought prior to hearing Ivanka Trump call her father daddy. Now every time I hear it, from anyone, I cringe like I’m listening to nails on a chalk board. I think it’s weird to be an adult and refer to your father as daddy.

When people use the end of the toilet paper and they don’t replace the roll. When you have to pee and there’s no TP in sight, yeah that’s fucking annoying.

Clickbait. It’s not cool, it’s not necessary and it makes you look like an asshole when you use it. So don’t do it.

When people title something “Not Clickbait”. It’s still clickbait. Sorry, not sorry.

When you go to use something and it just happens to be, at that very moment in time, in the middle of an ‘automatic update’. Might as well do something else now…

I could go on and on about this one but I think I’ll leave it here for now and maybe just make another list on another day.