My head feels like an anvil was dropped on it.
My throat is dry, sore and my pallet swelling.
I go between stages of being so cold that I’m violently shivering, and so hot that I want to take off all of my clothes and run out into the snow.
Sinus pressure is making it difficult for me to breathe.
I’m tired. So tired. I slept for twelve hours last night and then had a four hour nap today.
My vision is blurry.
My body feels so achy. I think I’ve aged thirty years in the past 24 hours. Touching any part of my body feels like I’m touching a bruise.
Aye yai yai.
I don’t feel good.
I know I’m whining. I just need to whine for a hot minute.
I feel like a thirteen year old girl waiting for her crush to call… except I am an adult, the stakes are a crippling financial status, deepening anxious tendencies and a desire to fake my death and run away to the Maldives leaving this all behind.
Why haven’t they called?
I’m typing this on my dad’s computer. My computer went kaput yesterday. I’m less than impressed about it. My computer has thousands of dollars worth of design and editing software on it, so it’s really not just as simple as wandering down to the store and purchasing a new laptop. Replacing this computer is going to cost an arm and a leg.
I’ve ordered a new battery for it, I am hoping that might help. The battery has to come from the United States though, so it might be a while. In the mean time, I’ll be trying to use my dad’s computer, or, my phone. I’m going to try to stay away from my phone though because when I used my phone my spelling goes from bad to absolutely horrendous.
I’m being dramatic. I know that. But… I use my computer for a lot. It’s a piece of me. And I really, really, don’t want to have to replace it. Thus, I’m pouting today.
The past week has been exceptionally trying on my physical health. At first, I had what I thought was a pinched nerve in my neck. My mom made a recommendation that I go see a Chiropractor, and though I was reluctant, I agreed.
See, the headache I have has been so bad that I’ve been having troubles seeing straight. When I stand up, if it’s too quickly, I feel as though I’m going to fall over. I have troubles turning my head. I’m afraid to drive. Honestly, walking down stairs has been quite difficult.
The visit to the Chiropractor was the wrong decision to make… mostly because the issues I’m having were not related to skeletal alignment. So, after another 2 days of suffering, I went to the doctor.
I’ve been dealing with sincerely debilitating pain for a few days. Now I am seriously contemplating going back to the doctor, or to the hospital. I seem to not be getting any better. It might be my anxiety doing the talking, but I feel like I might be getting worse.
The last time I can remember my head hurting even remotely close to this bad was a point in my life where I’d suffered a severe concussion after a physical altercation with a friend’s ex-boyfriend. (Honestly… a story for another day) Part of me, though, is wondering if the movements the Chiropractor did created concussion-like symptoms.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do. There’s not much the doctor can do for me right now. That’s pretty much the only reason I haven’t gone back.
If anyone has any suggestions to help with debilitating headaches, I’d gladly take them.
Ugh, my head hurts.
As the fifth day in a row of temperatures below -30 degrees Celsius continues, cabin fever is real and hitting hard.
I don’t own a car. The idea of taking on that much debt terrifies me. As someone who has been on their own since they were 17, I don’t want to accumulate more than I can pay off. So, when it gets this cold, there’s not much more to do than stay in side, look for jobs online and watch a lot of Netflix.
Not owning a vehicle definitely makes getting around an interesting task when you’re 30 miles from the nearest town.
There’s a dog in this house named Bruiser, who quite literally leaves bruises on your body if you piss him off. And he’s a temperamental little bugger too, so it’s quite easy to piss him off. Never have I met a more aptly named pet in my life. Also, he snores. He’s on the couch across from me, four legs in the air, snoring like a full-fledged human man right now. Oh, Bruiser.
I long for the days when life is figured out. When I have a plan, a job and can effectively turn this passion project of mine into a full-fledged reality. The days when I can wander the world, taking beautiful photos and meeting beautiful strangers… and eating food even before I learn what it is. I long for the sunsets on new coasts and sunrises in new cities.
I am bound and determined to believe that December 31, 2018 will become the best thing that ever happened to me. That it will have been the day this all started. It was the day that all of the negativity in my life was cut out and the new, proper chapter began. What I need right now is to get through this literal and metaphorical cold snap confining my existence to this unemployment.
Life will get figured out. Hopefully it doesn’t come to robbing banks to get me to the sandy beaches of the Seychelles. (Small joke, I would never rob a bank) And hopefully that’ll just be my beginning.
Until then, still counting the days.