More COVID, le sigh.

The only time I’ve left my house in the past several weeks is to just drive. I don’t get out of my car. I don’t really do anything other than drive… to see sights that aren’t my house, even if it’s just ten minutes.

The truth is, my anxiety is keeping me from doing much of anything these days. One of my guilty pleasures in life is Pepsi (it’s 100% better than Coke so don’t even try to argue with me on that one) and I can’t even get up the nerve to walk into a gas station to get some. I won’t go into the grocery store, and since you have to order $35 dollars worth of stuff on Instacart before they can process your order, I’ve been going without until it’s time to get groceries.

Yeah, I know… no Pepsi. Boo-freaking-who, what a horrible problem.

Honestly, stay at home isn’t awful. And it hasn’t been awful. The problem is the fear.

The government in this province has just decided that if they ask people nicely to stay home then restrictions aren’t necessary. As such, we’re the only province in the country without a mask-mandate. We’re also consistently breaking our COVID positivity rates each day. Tonight on the news they said that there have been more confirmed cases of COVID in the past three days in this province then there were in the first three months after the pandemic was officially declared by the WHO.

I mean… I guess we’re winning at something right? Testing positive?

I’m too anxious to go anywhere. I’m too anxious to do anything.

Every time our Premier opens his mouth I’m reminded of the saying ‘it’s better to have someone think you’re an idiot than to open your mouth and remove all doubt in their mind’. He’s an idiot. He is. He won’t mandate masks, the simplest, easiest fucking thing to do during this pandemic, because he believes it infringes on people’s basic human rights to live freely. While the rest of the country is in various stages of lockdowns and closures to try and slow the spread and not put such a strain on their health care system, he’s advocating for the laying off of 11,000 health care workers and to putting portable buildings in hospital parking lots for overflow. Some hospitals in this province are at 135 percent capacity and his response is ‘They went into health care to help people, so now’s the time for them to step up’.

No. You fucking moron. No.

You wouldn’t tell everyone to set fire to their homes because firefighters go into fire fighting to put out fires.

We’re consistently pushing over 1,000 cases per day, and that’s with the ‘voluntary measures’ they trust the public will follow. They have so many positive cases at the moment that they cannot even contact-trace. They’ve said they’re going to hire 400 people to do contact tracing to get a better hold on where spread is coming. Because, you know, he did promise ‘JOBS, JOBS, JOBS’ when he was running for election. At least he’s holding true to one of his fucking promises.

I can live without manicures and hair cuts. I can live without window shopping. I can live without the gym. I can even live without seeing family at Christmas. But, we’ve reached a 6.9 percent infection rate. Why do we have a play a game of how many people can we infect?

I’m worried people are letting their guards down with all of this news about a vaccine. The truth is, while a vaccine may come in early 2020, it’ll be months and months before regular folk are able to get it. Health care workers will get it first, as they should. Seniors and high-risk professions will get it next. Then politicians. Then, you know the most privileged of society. It could be July or August before the majority of the population is able to get it. Hearing a press release that a vaccine is coming doesn’t mean that we get to let our guards down now.

The bottom line is that I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere soon.

Hopefully in three years when the next election rolls around people will remember how thousands of health care workers, and specifically emergency room doctors, begged and pleaded with the government to put some restrictions in place that would stop people from getting sick and the government turned to the television and said ‘People have a right to live freely and get sick if they so choose’ and ‘That’s why you went into health care so stop complaining’. Okay, I’m paraphrasing on that ‘get sick if they so choose’ part, but it pretty much was a giant kick in the teeth to anyone who’s a health care worker in this province.

If you can’t tell, this stuff makes me really angry.

Doctors are saying they’re nearing a point where they’re going to have to choose which people to save and where to divert their resources because they’re stretch so thin. The government is like ‘Meh. I don’t have it so I don’t care’ and the general public is just like ‘Meh. Let’s go to a party’.

Okay, I’m done ranting now.

If anyone knows how to talk some sense into the human race, please let me know. Also, and this is so dumb, if anyone knows how to get Pepsi without going into a store, without needing the $35 order minimum, please share your wisdom with me.

Okay, one more thing.

I realize my ability to stay home comes from a place of privilege. I realize that a lot of people in this world work jobs that don’t allow them to stay at home. I just also know that we have had large subsidies to help people get through this pandemic in Canada and that the option is there for more, if the government were to decide to enact on it. The federal government offered $2,000 per person per month. The provincial government offered $1,000 on top of that. They imposed rent freezes. They imposed regulations stopped any landlord from being able to evict someone from a rental property during lockdown. The banks postponed mortgage payments and credit card payments for clients. I guess, I just… I think if they really wanted to look out for everyone, if they really wanted to act like the elected leadership they are, they’d do more than tell health care workers they’re complaining and it’s not that bad.

Also, I didn’t start this job I’m at now until the end of May (just a few days before June) so I went through three months of lockdown using these government subsidies to get by. So I’m well aware of what it’s like.

Okay, I’m really done now.

Sorry for all of the complaining.

Alexa, tell me I’m pretty.

One of the things I purchased with the winnings from my recent work awards was an Amazon Echo Dot. I’ve always wanted to try one, but I just never really got around to it. Now that I didn’t even have to spend my own money on it, it seemed like the perfect time. I also have a somewhat smart house already. (Can control lights, thermostat, etc… with my phone)

Oh Alexa.

She’s nosey.

She’s smart, but she’s nosey.

This is possibly because I haven’t quite figured out how to use her yet. I was watching the Corona Virus Press Conference this afternoon (to learn more about the continuous nightmare unfolding in this city) and they were taking questions from reporters. One of the reporters acknowledged herself as ‘Alexa [Insert Last Name]’ before asking her question. The Echo Dot heard the question and said ‘I’m not sure’.

Apparently I didn’t properly set up the voice activation cues.

Anyways, I’ll be getting on that tonight.

Does anyone else have one of the Amazon Alexa devices? What do you use it for? What can I use mine for that I haven’t discovered yet?

The family drama continues

Since we lost my Uncle K earlier this year, my Uncle F has been a giant pain in everyone’s ass. He’s sought to make all of our lives miserable and he’s sparing no one in the process.

First, he tried to have me removed as executor of the will. He was trying to prove that I manipulated Uncle K into making me executor of the will.

Next he tried to have my cousins and I removed from the will itself. Uncle K had made sure to leave each of his family members in the will. EVERYONE. From his brothers and sister, right down to his great niece and nephew. Uncle F decided that if he could get everyone removed from the will except for his siblings, he’d get a lot more money.

Uncle F also stole Uncle K’s car because the rest of his siblings wanted the car to be given to my cousin Tara. Uncle F didn’t want Tara to have the car, he wanted to sell the car for profit. So, he stole it in the middle of the night and hid it, only to be found at a later date when he tried to sell it and wasn’t legally able to do so.

There was a period of about five months there that everything we tried to do to contribute to the closing of Uncle K’s estate was halted, delayed or outright stopped because Uncle F was being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole.

LOTS of petty bullshit went on. Every time that we made any progress Uncle F would send his lawyers out for blood. I don’t know if he just didn’t understand or if he was specifically trying to be an asshole for the sole purpose of being an asshole, but he was paying lawyers to halt the lawyers from fulfilling Uncle K’s final wishes. Uncle K’s estate is paying the lawyers, so every time he sent his personal lawyers after them, he was essentially lessening the inheritance we would get from his brother’s estate.

About three weeks before Uncle K’s memorial in September my father decided to put an end to it. He went to see Uncle F and words were had. I’m not really sure what happened or what was said because my father still hasn’t talked about it, but what I do remember is that my father told me from that point forward Uncle F would not interrupt any more.

Seeing Uncle F at the funeral was pretty awkward. He wasn’t mean and he didn’t cause a scene but he looked at everyone and sulked a lot like a toddler who’d just been told they couldn’t stay up late. Thankfully the fact that everything was exceptionally distanced that day meant that no one really needed to talk to him. He basically sat off to the side and pouted.

Fast forward to now.

The sale of Uncle K’s house was supposed to go through this past week. I say it was supposed to go through because, had everything been able to happen as was, we wouldn’t own it anymore.

Uncle F sent his lawyers to temporarily halt the sale of the home. Why? He doesn’t think we’re selling it for enough money and thus he’s arguing we’re undercutting his inheritance. Apparently if we just held out and waited we could sell the home for a lot more.

I’m utterly convinced he’s doing this when he’s doing this specifically to cause the most annoyance possible. He didn’t have anything to say when the offer came in. He didn’t have anything to say at any point during the negotiation process. Contracts are being finalized and how he’s trying to prove we’re trying to undercut his inheritance?

Uncle K’s lawyers don’t seem to think this will take too long. They think it’ll be wrapped up in a week or two.

I’m just so… annoyed.

As of right now it’s estimated that the siblings share of the inheritance should be between $100,000 – $150,000 each. This asshole is over here saying ‘STOP THE SALE. I WANT MORE MONEY!’

Of course he is. He’s a greedy SOB. There’s a reason why Uncle K chose a niece and two nephews to be executors to his will over any of his siblings.

I want to drive to his house and punch him in the face. That might sound aggressive, but at this point I feel it warranted.

I won an award

Today my boss was notified that marketing materials I created for my company were chosen for an award. The large organization operating in the United States chose my marketing materials as the best submission of more than 600 entries.

I’m extremely proud.

I am brand new to the industry that I work in presently. I started in May and prior to starting, I’d never had any involvement with anything relating to any company, organization or subject matter surrounding the industry which I presently work. This is a big deal for me. This is also the second award that my work has won in two months.

To me, this is an acknowledgement that marketing is absolutely integral to the way business is done. If you have better marketing, you’re going to have more success with your operations. Heck, if you have better marketing, your company is going to be acknowledged on an international scale when awards are distributed.

While I know that we work as a team and we win as team, we all play different roles within the organization. This win is a direct reflection of the role that I’ve taken on over the past few months and the improvements I have made for their company. I know I said it before but I’m really proud.

Back in the interview process for this job, they asked me ‘Why should we hire you over other qualified candidates?’ The response that I gave them was something along the lines of ‘They may be qualified but they’re not as qualified as I am’ and that they wouldn’t ever regret making a decision to hire me. My boss brought up those comments today when I was informed of the win.

Pretty cool.

The Discord Dummy catches COVID

One of the reasons that I was very anxious about how sick I was this past week was because one of my coworkers recently let us know that he tested positive for COVID.

Firstly, I wasn’t surprised when he told us. I’ve written about him on this blog before, here and here. Basically, he’s been exceptionally careless about the ongoing pandemic. He’s been going on dates and hooking up with females like it’s nobody’s business, and, detailing his exploits on the company discord. The fact that he has COVID was a little bit of karma finally catching up with him.

“Practice safe sex” really takes on a whole new meaning when there’s a deadly pandemic sweeping the globe. I can’t imagine the frustration of the health care workers trying to do contact tracing and having to follow ‘Girl I had sex with from Tinder’ as a lead.

While I haven’t been physically present within six feet of him, we were in the same office together for several days. We walked the same halls, opened the same doors, you know… we shared the same vicinity. So, the fact that I was really sick had me extremely worried that it was COVID and that I had caught it from him.’

Anyways, apparently he’s felt like absolute shit. He went so far as to say this is the sickest he’s ever been in his entire life. Do we think he’s going to learn anything from this experience? Doubtful.

The good news is, I didn’t have COVID. I had the flu. I’m feeling much better now, which I am grateful for. I think I was feeling extra whiney when I was sick because I had the added anxiety of waiting for test results. Thankfully I was able to avoid people for several days so I know for certain that no one else got sick because of me.

Grocery delivery is quickly becoming one of my favourite conveniences.

As for Axel, haven’t heard from him in a couple of days. Hopefully he’s recovering well. Even if he did have this coming, I still hope he’s not suffering too badly.

Back when we first started hearing about this virus in late January on the news, one of the first things my brother said about it was “You really can’t vouch for the healthiness of anyone but yourself”. Which is so, so, so true. If anyone who reads this is dating during this pandemic, just be careful. You really can’t vouch for the health of the other person… even if they say they’re perfectly healthy. It’s better to be safe than sorry.

Happy Thanksgiving

More than anything this year, I’m thankful for people. The people who’ve kept our society going, the people who’ve proved to the world that the essential nature of someone’s job does not necessarily correlate with how much they are paid to do said job.

I’m extremely thankful for healthcare workers. Doctors, Nurses, Therapists, EMTs, Dentists, Surgeons, Counselors… every single health care worker who’s continued to do their work to look out for the health and well being of the general public through this weird, unprecedented time… in a lot of ways putting themselves in harms way to do so.

I’m thankful for bosses who were able to coordinate their employees working from home. I’m thankful for employees who turned into full time teachers and finally realized just how not easy it is to be a teacher. I’m thankful for a government that leapt into action to ensure that people had programs and funding options available if they needed it, even though they knew some could/would likely take advantage of the system. They knew that looking after the many was far more important than worrying about the few in the heat of the moment.

I’m thankful to my parent’s neighbours who continuously brought them food and necessities to try and make them stay home so that they didn’t have to go out and put themselves at risk. With my mom being in remission and my dad having surgery in February, the neighbours did all that they could to try and ensure my parents would stay put and stay healthy.

I’m thankful to the anonymous donor who gave $20,000 to a local women’s shelter about two months back and asked that it be used to pay for the expenses of as many families living there as it could. Whoever they are, wherever they are, that’s some serious generosity to give to a family in the middle of a crisis of their own in the middle of this pandemic.

I’m thankful to the oodles and oodles of people who read this blog and give me pep talks, send me kind words, leave me motivational notes or just reach out to see if I am okay. I think on some level everyone wants to know they’ll be missed if they were suddenly not to show up. The fact that so many people reach out to me, even if it’s just two or three days that I don’t sign on here, it’s a very nice feeling. So thank you to all of you.

I’m thankful for family and friends. Oh, my friends. They’ve heard me cry, they’ve helped me through some of the hardest times of my life the past year and a half and they never backed away once. I’ve got really incredible friends and I don’t tell them that near often enough.

I’m thankful to the person who gave me the dozen rainbow roses currently sitting in my kitchen windowsill. I’m thankful to the person who so generously, without question, paid my cell phone and credit card bills in February and March when I was so broke I didn’t know where to turn. I’m thankful to person who drove through the night to help me move, so that I didn’t have to do it alone. Some things, small gestures or large, they’ll stay with you forever.

I’m thankful to those who wear masks, who keep their distance, who say no to attending parties, weddings, vacations and who understand that precautionary measures are not about you, they’re about everyone. While the selfish might be one’s making the headlines on the news each night, there’s been a whole lot of selflessness this year that hasn’t been talked about. I see you, I appreciate you and I admire you. Thank you for what you’ve done.

In spite of all of the bad that has happened this year, there’s also been a lot of good as well. I’m going to have a new niece or nephew soon. I’ve got a new job, something that’s challenged me in ways I never thought possible. I’ve got a new home, a new car, a new life essentially. And hey, I may not have done much more than stay home the past eight months, but it’s been one hell of a ride.

It’s October 12th and it’s snowing.

Happy Thanksgiving, world.

Seeking your input

So, this weekend is Thanksgiving here in Canada. While I know it’s been a really difficult year for pretty much everyone on the planet, there is still good in this world. There is still a lot of things to be thankful for. As I sit here and compile a list of all that I am thankful for in 2020, for Monday, I am wondering… what are you thankful for in 2020?

(Yes, I know it’s not Thanksgiving around the world this weekend. But, I just want to hear what you’re thankful for. So come on, give a girl some insights!)

Hey, it’s Tuesday

Have I made it back to the doctor yet? No.

But, I’m not beating myself up for that fact. I will get there. In the mean time I have taken steps to help minimize my stressors/triggers. I spoke with my boss and am working-from-home for the remainder of the week. Thankfully, I am blessed to be working a company that both allows, and makes it possible, for employees to work from home.

Being around people was making me anxious. My boss was very understanding. When I really stopped to think about it, 100% of my productivity working from home beats 50% of my productivity working from the office because I cannot function because I am so anxious about everyone around.

It’s not a permanent solution. But, for now, I’m taking things day-by-day.

I also took the advice of multiple people who sent me notes both here and on Instagram and I tried meditation last night. While I cannot say that it did anything for me last night, it was my first time ever trying meditation on my own, so I am going to give it more attempts.

I also have not watched the news in two days. I am hoping that helps me not get so stressed about the events of the world. While I do believe it’s important to be informed, it just feels as though the constant influx of ‘holy shitballs’ stories night after night has definitely been getting to me.

Tonight I’m working on another site. I’m also trying to build a store that’s not really a store (it needs to look, appear and feel like an online store without actually using a platform such as shopify as I don’t need the payment platform). I’m considering making some new #MillennialLifeCrisis shirts for my birthday, and I probably should eat dinner and sleep somewhere in there.

What’s everyone else up to these days? I’d love to hear some good news, if there is any out there to be heard. If you’re Canadian, how are you safely taking part in the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday?

Feeling lucky.

Some people in this world, they’re just meant to be a part of your life. They make things better. They make things make sense. They make things fall into place. They give you reasons to smile and they remind you what it is like to smile and not have it be forced.

Some people in this world, you could genuinely sit around with them and watch paint dry and it would be enjoyable. It’s the simple things.

If you’ve got good people in your life, make sure you let them know. Even if you’ve told them before. Good people deserve to know how appreciated they are. How much they matter. And that, despite all of the crap there might be in this world, their goodness does prevail.

Second job hunting

I’m looking for a second job. I need something to keep me busy. The way I figure it, if I can make myself busier, I’ll have less time to think. If I have less time to think, I’ll have less time to be anxious. At least that’s the train of though I’m presently following.

Plus it would mean extra money. Extra money is always a good thing, right?

Christmas is coming.

I need some new glasses.

I need some new work shoes.

Extra money could come in handy for all of those things.

The problem with finding a second job is trying to find one that has minimal interaction. There’s all kinds of jobs available around here that involve a lot of interacting with the public. While I greatly admire everyone who’s been working those jobs for the past seven months through this pandemic, I just don’t think I can be one of them. I need to keep my interactions with people minimal right now, for my own peace of mind. If the point of working a second job is to keep myself from being anxious, I don’t want to put myself in a position to make myself more anxious.

Right now I’m thinking a delivery driver would be a good job for me. That or finding someone who is willing to pay me to work from my couch. I know, I know, I know… a girl can dream, though. Perhaps if I hope for it long enough, I can dream it into fruition.